Please help me?

I'm an 18 year old hispanic male who's been recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I also have ADD and I've reversed my Type 2 Diabetes. My father and I have had issues with our relationship for as long as I remember. He's an ex alcoholic, so when I was little I remember him being totally fine. He was very loving and kind, but when he would drink with my my uncles and such, he would turn into a very rude and sometimes violent . He never physically hit me when he was drunk, but I remember my parents fighting all the time, at family gatherings where the majority of the men were drinking. He's always been very ignorant and oblivious to other peoples feelings and opinions. He only put his hands on me once, but that was enough to leave it's impression. I couldn't be close to a person who said he loved our family, and then continued to destroy it when he drank. He was ignorant to change, especially when someone suggested it to him. It's a damn miracle that he stopped drinking after all the trouble it's brought.
Now our relationship has somewhat improved and we get along most of the time. The problems start when we are having a conversation and he hears something he doesn't like. It's like he just stops listening completely and goes into defensive mode. The conversation then usually ends with fierce words being screamed from both directions. I calm myself down and try to fix the issue, but he doesn't calm down, and usually storms off and things start flying across the house. I'm sure he's also bipolar, but he won't get help. All of our problems seem to be communication problems. I try to talk to him calmly but then it just turns into a verbally abusive debate. I can't control my anger much longer. I used to cut myself to vent it out, and am now taking medications and seeing a therapist but things are moving too slow. I don't know how to deal with my anger without hurting myself or potentially hurting someone else. I don't know what to do. My therapist doesn't seem to be helping much and I only get to see him once every couple of weeks. How do I control my anger? How do I get him to see that he needs to change just as much as I do? He is the root of all my mental problems, and I need him to want to change with me, but he is just so damn ignorant. I can't stand him when I'm in one of my mood swings, and I don't know what to do with my anger. Please help.

Hi

It sounds like you have been through a lot with your Dad and I am sorry to hear of all he has put you through and that it is still causing problems for you. It sounds like there are some complex things going on for your relationship and that is understandable. Tbh even tho it is slow I think that a big part of this is going to be about resolving things in therapy. It may be you can get to a point where you feel more able to accept what he will and wont do in terms of his recovery and moving forward or lack of it. But this will take time. In the interim it might be that coping with the anger and advice about that is what you need mainly- there is a good anger forum here. The abuse forums might also offer you some help. In terms of his potential diagnosis it can be so frustrating when you are trying to move forward and you see someone who is not esp when you think they have the same diagnosis as you - it can make your recovery tough too. I think that the best thing is to concentrate on your recovery and he is going to need to take ownership of his.

ANyhow hope this helps some

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