Bipolar teacher...

Hi, I'm new here. I was just dx'ed in Nov 2012 and I'm 29. I have three kids and am on my second marriage.
I've been a teacher for 9 years now and this is by far the most miserable year I've had. I've always taught younger kids PK, K and 1st but this year I had the bright idea of moving school districts, campus and grade level--4th--AKA the most stressful grade in elementary . I had a meltdown in front of someone I cannot stand and who has taken to making my life miserable.
I hate my job because of that person. The person is always in my room asking dumb things and micromanaging me and has even belittled me in front of m class. Rageful me wanted to send her to he.. but I chose not to.
We have been on winter break and now Monday we go back. I've had anxiety about it and have even been suicidal. I just had my citalopram upped to 20mg a day and it made me feel higher than a kite...like on crack (though I've never used drugs).
I've thought about quitting several times just leaving..but I can't. I also in a hypomanic state decided to get my principal certification, though I had no desire to become a principal.
I am finding that teaching is getting more demanding and the bp makes it worse. I want to end the year and try to teach preschool. Sigh. My therapist says I need to not worry about the person harassing me..but I can't make the person leave me alone!!

Any suggestions on how to ride out the rest of the year without collapsing mentally ? I am also working in a Title I school (low socioeconomic) with kids that were two years behind. And in my low states I feel like their performance is my fault, even though they had huge gaps when I started there and am doing the best I can. I stay late and end up neglecting my own kids at home (they stay with my hubby, of course). I feel trapped.

Next fall I will be doing my student teaching for instrumental music education. All of the schools in my area are low income, some very much so. I have bipolar 2, I was diagnosed just short of two years ago. I sort of understand your stress and dilemma.

general bipolar tips I have learned:
- learn about bipolar disorder and all the possible symptoms and let your husband know. Sometimes when I'm on the verge of a mood, my husband will notice it before I do. I picked up "Take Charge of Bipolar Disorder: A 4-Step Plan for You and Your Loved Ones to Manage the Illness and Create Lasting Stability" which I found very helpful. There are lots of books, and a forums like this one.
- Keep a mood chart and journal and keep tract of your medications and their side effects. It sounds like the citaltopram is treating your depression, but not addressing your mania or hypo-mania. Talk to your pdoc. Bring your mood chart with you or notes.
- Keep taking your medication. It can sometimes take 4 or 6 weeks to work. Some will not work for you at all. It can take years to get the right combination, but hang in there. Unless you have really bad side effects, like an allergic reaction, then stop. Also contact your doctor if that happens.

It sounds like you might also want to go back to littler kids for next year. Do not think of it as a defeat, though. I think very few teachers can do K-12 or K-6! I believe all teachers have a niche, where they work best with kids. Kindergarten scares the pee out of me, personally. Perhaps 4th grade would go better if you were not with the person who harasses you. I would talk to your principal about it. It kind of sounds like a bulling situation. I have found the best way is to not let it bother you and let them know that. When I was a kid and people made fun of me, I went up and sat next to them and told them they picked on me because they liked me. I made a huge argument for them having a crush on me and they stopped. This is not the best approach for every situation, obviously. But maybe there's a safe way to trick them into thinking what they're doing is not what they intend (I assume they intend to be humiliating). They might think they're being funny and not realizing they are being mean. I would also find a teacher or principal or person in your school that you feel comfortable with talking about bipolar and see if they can help you.

If you need to take a mental day or go to a hospital, it's ok. I suggest trying to see your pdoc as soon as possible. I've been in those places and it might be a medication change. If you feel suicidal in any way, go to the hospital.

Remember why you became a teacher - the great pay and summer vacations.

Hi and welcome

Sorry to hear that you are struggling with this all esp this person who is bothering you. Sounds like the BP has also had an influence on some of your career choices- I def recognise that. It also sounds to me like you are much more comfortable with younger kids and that that is the area for you. I would think that it would be good for you to go back to this as soon as you can. Knowing you are going back to it might help with dealing with this person as you have an end in sight and are going back to something you prefer so you may be able to deal with them better. Also have you tried standing up to them and letting them know that you think their behaviour is inappropriate? It sounds to me like things with your mood are not so well controlled atm. Perhaps it would be an idea to see your Dr and see if they can help with this as that is not going to help in making things easier for you in the classroom. I hope that things go well for you

Hugs

Cracked

Hi, I'm a teacher too. Eleven years now and I had a meltdown last year then a BP2 diagnosis, now BP1 (go figure).

I've dealt with a lot this past year and a half and I'm off work for another month.

One of the things that always worried me, the biggest thing really was continuity for my students when I couldn't make it to work. So as a rule I let it go. I had to, all the what ifs, you have to let it go. You sound like a very dedicated teacher and working at a school in a deprived areas means you're a good teacher (only the best work in the tough schools right ).

I'm a secondary teacher in England but you're teaching in what we call primary and you're still there, so WELL DONE! Just needed to be said.

As for the person, could you ask them to back off? Are they management? If they are not i would talk to management and just explain you need some space from them to be at your best. I had this problem with an overzealous teaching assistant and I went to management, not to cause trouble or the like but just to explain we didn't click. It's a scary thing to do. When I'm at the management offices I revert to a scared kid. Still manage to get my point across.

So good luck, I really hope you work this out and if you need to talk feel free to PM me.

Love and Light

MrN

Thank you all so much for your advice. I had an appt just this Thursday with my pdoc and that was when she decided to up my dose to 20mg. I don't mind being hypomanic cause I at least feel competent then, even though I know I'm a good teacher.

As for the person, I told my therapist yesterday I feel bad vibes almost as if she's a demon or something (I actually said that out loud ...). When I see the person, my body reacts and I tense up and just get angry or something. The person is best friends with both my administrators and they've worked together for years. Sadly, many people feel intimidated by this person and have told me some shenanigans that the person has done, but no one has ever said anything. I did say during a hypomanic day that I was intimidated by the person (to the person's face) and that I don't know what she is looking for.
Often people tell me they play along with her and kiss up to her but I am not like that. I have had to start doing so just to get her to back off but she continues to find reasons to come and ask me things constantly. My kids' scores are the lowest in the grade level, but they were two years behind when I got them. I see them making some progress, but it's not where they should be and that's what I hear. The person once told me my kids were not being successful and I decided to not let it bother me cause I know I'm doing what I can.
As for the end in sight, that's how I'm thinking...I am wanting to find a lower grade level nearby so I'm crossing my fingers for that.
I'm back to work tomorrow.. and have to keep this inferno going til early June. Ugh. I've decided that I will be leaving at 4:30 daily no matter what because my family needs me. I stay after the kids dismiss an extra three hours... so I get home at 6:30 pm when kids dismiss at 3 pm. I have never done that and I hate it.

-- Sun Jan 06, 2013 3:58 pm --

Oh and also this person HAS to observe me once every month. She is supposed to do this with everyone, but I found out that while I had had two observations already, there were teachers that had not had any.

Do you have a union? If so I would sic them onto the person because it sounds like you are being singled out.

I've had this at a school before and it was my first year of teaching. She was my boss and I had three observations, none positive. I never, ever let her see she got to me. In fact I always had a big smile for her. I know it's tough to do that but it (so I'm told) drove her up the wall, that and my belief (still is) that truly great teachers have to teach in multiple different ways.

I met her on a training day a few years back and did the same thing, this time she became visibly frustrated but could do nothing.

Ok so you said you were intimidated by this person, that's fine but you have to be strong. No matter how tough never give into a bully.

I've been bullied as a child and back then I did what someone mentioned before...laughed with them and it didnt bother me. But this isn't them picking on me, per se . I feel attacked and I can't laugh with her. I actually broke down in front of her. I said I was having issues at home.
I think someone I mentioned to that the bully was coming to my room a lot may have snitched or something. They seem to be kinda friends even though the "snitch" has told me she plays along with her little games.
I actually gave her and a couple people lotions for Christmas. I made sure to get her favorite scent. I think I will contact my union to see what they say. Thank you and I will do my best to smile...but smiling seems to bring on more annoyance from her. My goal is to do the minimum (very hard for me) and to leave at 4:30 every day instead of 6. My kids need their mom and I cannot let her win.

Also, her approach was less aggressive once I told her to her face she intimidated me. Don't know if that was a good move but I did it without thinking a few months ago. I'm wondering if I should take some time off. Sad, because I just started back today after being off two weeks lol. I have a week off during Spring Break in March and our big standardized tests are in April. June 5 is our last day. Seems so far...

First of all, this is my first post...anywhere...ever!

I have definitely spent endless hours reading other people's posts on various forums, but never had the motivation to add to the conversation until now....

Please, please, please hang in there!!!

Sadly, I didn't......and it is something I will never ever forgive myself for.

(Making a very long story short haha....)

I wound up calling my principal on the morning of day two of the school year and informing her I was not feeling well and needed a substitute immediately. She came to my room so I could leave before the sub got there (which I didn't expect...). I was in the middle of reading a dr Seuss book to twenty five happy little kids, and when she came to relieve me I simply got up, explained I wasn't feeling well to my kindergarten class and walked out. I looked back, which I wish I hadn't done, and every single face was looking at me as I walked out on them and never returned. I never even went back for my stuff.

I'd share more of my own story, but I don't want to hijack the thread haha.

So please hang in there.....and you'll get the grade you want. I taught third for three years prior to that whole situation, and I had taught pre-k, k and second before that. I did my student teaching in fourth though.....it is tough, you're right! You may like second grade, I know I did......they're kind of getting independent but they are still young and fun.

Anyway, phone is dying so I will hopefully remember to check back and talk to you all later.

And no matter what happens don't let anyone get to you, no matter what!!

Adam