I want to die

My mother has been coughing very badly and hard for 9 months to a year, I know it's something bad you guys, no one coughs that long. I sat her down and asked her if she wanted to know what it was by going to the doc, and she said no she rather live the rest of her life happy and not stressed.. She went to the doc last week for a checkup and doc told her that her pressure was high do to stress. She told her she was going to stroke out if she didn't stop worrying .. I know you all are going to tell me don't kill myself, but I low I wouldn't benable to handle it, and I will. I already told her I would and its final.i just wanted to know if I would go to hell. And have anyone felt this way

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry are feeling this way and that your mother is having health problems. You are obviously very concerned about her. At least she went for the checkup – is all her doctor told her to reduce stress? Did he not say anything about the cough? Perhaps she would be willing to make some diet and lifestyle changes, to help with the high blood pressure. It’s her choice to go to the doctor, make changes, get treatment, etc. You can encourage healthy choices but they are ultimately her decisions to make. Perhaps there is someone else in the family she would be more willing to listen to?

What about you? You sound like you are doing pretty badly yourself and plan to kill yourself when your mother dies or has a stroke. Do you have family or friends you can talk to about your worries about your mom and any other things that are bothering you? We all could use people to lean on during the tough times. You don’t really want to die to you, but just don’t want to deal with losing your mom, right?

As to your questions, I don’t believe in hell personally but it seems like it would be a really unfair place to end up for a person that was in so much emotional and/or physical pain that they took their own life. You will find others here who have felt like you do - wanting to die and/or attempted suicide.

*hugs* and please get some help if you need it - call a suicide hotline, go to emergency, whatever it takes. And keep talking to us here. *more hugs*

Her blood pressure could also be high because of the coughing. The squeezing involved puts pressure on the heart too. It would be awful if the cough was down to something simple and curable, but she's causing secondary problems in this way. It could be a chronic allergy or asthma or something fixable. The chances of it being TB or cancer are not that high. I'm not a doctor, but I'd really encourage you to try to talk her into going back and being honest with the doc. It's unfair on both of you to have this stress. And it doesn't seem like all that coughing would make her happy or unstressed.

Hell depends on your religion. As an atheist, I'd say no, you won't. However, your beliefs are more relevant than mine. I do believe that suicide passes the pain felt by that individual on to all those around them. It doesn't end the pain. Only living it down can do that.

janjones wrote:Hi and welcome to the forum.

I am sorry are feeling this way and that your mother is having health problems. You are obviously very concerned about her. At least she went for the checkup – is all her doctor told her to reduce stress? Did he not say anything about the cough? Perhaps she would be willing to make some diet and lifestyle changes, to help with the high blood pressure. It’s her choice to go to the doctor, make changes, get treatment, etc. You can encourage healthy choices but they are ultimately her decisions to make. Perhaps there is someone else in the family she would be more willing to listen to?

What about you? You sound like you are doing pretty badly yourself and plan to kill yourself when your mother dies or has a stroke. Do you have family or friends you can talk to about your worries about your mom and any other things that are bothering you? We all could use people to lean on during the tough times. You don’t really want to die to you, but just don’t want to deal with losing your mom, right?


As to your questions, I don’t believe in hell personally but it seems like it would be a really unfair place to end up for a person that was in so much emotional and/or physical pain that they took their own life. You will find others here who have felt like you do - wanting to die and/or attempted suicide.

*hugs* and please get some help if you need it - call a suicide hotline, go to emergency, whatever it takes. And keep talking to us here. *more hugs*

See my mom smoked for 30 years and decided to stop 5 yrs ago and now she has this cough for almost 1 year and I know tis cane be anything good because they always prescribe cough meds but it don't go away. She never tell the doc about the cough because she is afraid of what it is. And not only that but she told me that she would rather live the rest of her days not knowing, than stressing even more and being sick from going through chemo and all this other stuff. And I totally agree with not wanting to know because I would want to either.. She is 55 and her body can only take so much. I said I want to die because I don't wanna ever live with knowing she is not around.. I'm so attached its ashamed. She is literally all I have. No bf, no kids, no friends, no anything .... I depend on her for money for meds,etc. I can't hold a job down because of constantly losing them. I don't like being around people because I sucks always feeling like people are judging and talking about you.mi just couldn't do it alone

-- Wed Dec 26, 2012 1:10 am --

Ada wrote:Her blood pressure could also be high because of the coughing. The squeezing involved puts pressure on the heart too. It would be awful if the cough was down to something simple and curable, but she's causing secondary problems in this way. It could be a chronic allergy or asthma or something fixable. The chances of it being TB or cancer are not that high. I'm not a doctor, but I'd really encourage you to try to talk her into going back and being honest with the doc. It's unfair on both of you to have this stress. And it doesn't seem like all that coughing would make her happy or unstressed.

Hell depends on your religion. As an atheist, I'd say no, you won't. However, your beliefs are more relevant than mine. I do believe that suicide passes the pain felt by that individual on to all those around them. It doesn't end the pain. Only living it down can do that.

See my mom smoked for 30 years and decided to stop 5 yrs ago and now she has this cough for almost 1 year and I know tis cane be anything good because they always prescribe cough meds but it don't go away. She never tell the doc about the cough because she is afraid of what it is. And not only that but she told me that she would rather live the rest of her days not knowing, than stressing even more and being sick and stroke out from knowing, or be sick from going through chemo and all this other stuff. And I totally agree with not wanting to know because I would want to either

You don't want to die, the doctor was abusive, he is full of nonesense, nothing will happen.

babybowrain - That’s not really helpful.

T2D – I see. The problem is that you don’t have anyone else for financial and emotional support, companionship, understanding, etc. Before you have to deal with her eventual death, I really think you should work on an alternative plan to suicide. This is the time to start trying to make some connections with other ppl and a start considering your financial plan.

A support group would be particularly good if you could find one as you are less likely to feel judged there. In other situations, it’s not like you have to tell new ppl about your MI anyway. If you can’t work, you can look into government assistance or charity groups or perhaps another family member can help you out. Since your mom presumably knows your financial situation, perhaps she has even provided for you in her will? I'm not sure why you constantly lose jobs but perhaps you can work at some point. In most situations, there are usually other options, even if they are hard to find.

*hugs* and take care.

I don't believe in hell either. I struggle sometimes because with all the pain and heartache I have suffered, I feel like committing suicide would be the compassionate thing to do to ease my suffering. But when it comes down to it, I am too nervous about what I might miss. Life is full of precious, stupid little surprises (good and bad) and I don't want to miss them. Maybe if you think about it, you might find those too. For me there are big things (like watching my daughter grow up) and little things (like hearing that they might make a remake of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, which I'm sure would be awful, but I would just HAVE to see out of principle). Who knows. The love of your life may be around the corner and come into your life at any moment. Or maybe you just need to see the next season of Walking Dead. Whatever it is for you, there is something worth living for. Even if it is just another month or another year. I find if I can talk myself into another month, I'm generally in a better place mentally and emotionally by then.

Sorry to hear all this. I'm sure your mom would want you to be with her if she was dying. Try and stay strong to take care of her if it's needed. I think God will send someone in your into your life. I'm a strong believer. I've been trying to convince my mom of it (she believes in god, but doubtful and depression). I lost my father to a motorcycle crash and paralysis. It's very easy to get attached to someone I'm the same way with my mother. We have no family, I lost my family and I was sick since I was 5 psychically and Bipolar since a young man. Just keep the faith and keep praying. I'll pray for you and your mom. If you wanna message me, feel free. We can talk. I went through something similar. Me and my mother are alone.

Jake

During the worst of my depression, I felt the same way but managed to word it differently, I suppose so that I didn't worry myself or anyone else. I simply "didn't want to exist".

I have a daughter. She is the only reason I didn't kill myself, and I know that. She is the reason I first reached out for help for my depression because I couldn't leave her behind alone but I was close to crossing that line.

So many people have made many valid points. As an asthmatic, I can say that I have a cough often, and if I'm having a flare up, I cough constantly. Her cough may be very innocuous. Her assuming the worst has made you fear the worst as well. She needs to get this checked out. Who can help you convince her? Her family (siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins), friends, a neighbor? Who would she listen to?

You said she was helping you cover the cost of your meds. Tells me that you are seeing a doctor fairly regularly yourself? TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Tell them HONESTLY your fears. Tell them your anxiety. Ask if they can recommend help for you, emotionally and physically. Ask them how you can best handle this situation emotionally.

You don't truly want to die, love. You are in a miserable, awful, sad predicament and can't see any way out. Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it isn't there! Life is beautiful... but you have to be able to find the beauty where it lies... like a small dandelion in the yard, beautiful and yellow. Some call it a weed and look at it disdainfully, while others pluck them and smile.

I wish you the best through all this. So many thousands of people have felt the way you feel now. So many thousands have made it through!!! You are strong enough to make it through this!

If you fall into the depths, before taking your life, please call a suicide hotline or even a pastor of a random local church and just talk. See what they say.

Im so sorry you feel this way. Please stay. People around you will be there to support you no matter what happens. Please reach out to trusted friends and family. You need not be alone... and it will comfort you right now.