Is my husband bipolar or is it just his personality?

Hello, my husband is 38 and together 6 years now. I am looking into if there is something more to his personality changes. This is what I have learned about my husband while together:
1. Always on the go- He always has "projects" going on that he will continuously get up and run all over the place for nonstop.
2. His communication is always one sided. He always has the right answer, a "know it all".
3. If he is talked to he doesn't just sit and listen... he always has to be doing something and sometimes will interrupt with a random comment about something else.
4. Control issues: He has so many things that make him anxious and frustrated. If I leave a sugar packet on the counter, forget to put the fan on in the shower, drop trash in the barrel without a bag, closet doors aren’t shut. I walk on eggshells not knowing if he is going to be annoyed or upset by something. He constantly insists that he does laundry because he gets upset that I don’t “measure” detergent, needs to do the dishes because I don’t scrub them enough before they go in the dishwasher, needs to even clip my toenails because he does it better. However depending on the mood according to my husband its either Angry: “You don’t do things right and that’s the reason and reminds me I do it” or “ I do everything around here for everyone with no respect or appreciation in return”. The other side of that is Happy: He will say “ do these things because I love doing them for you because I love you and WANT to take care of you”. *exception…
5. He's a "yeller". He cannot talk without raising his voice and if you tell him "no" or disagree he needs to argue and is always right. His arguments are ONE sided.
6. He is always looking at porn on the computer. I don’t care about men doing that… it’s never bothered me but he does do it a lot and he is even after 5 ½ years is in constant need of sex. If I say no it turns into he’s disappointed and sometimes will take it as I’m mistreating him.
7. He’s VERY outgoing and extremely charming. He could probably make some believe anything he wanted to or at least can make them doubt themselves or consider they are wrong even if that’s not the case.
8. He has shown signs of “spite”. In some of the worst arguments he will always use the “divorce” word, and he has even taken back gifts ie. Boots/shoes that he gave me over the years, a pocketbook, my daughter’s laptop that his mom bought her last year. When he says he’s leaving me little things will go missing. When his temper flares he is always the “victim” even when I’m taking responsibility for my own mistakes or praise him for his good qualities. I try to do that to diffuse the fight and I hate confrontation, but it never seems to work. Mean things still come out of his mouth when he’s angry even if I say nothing negative. However, he has never been so angry that he is physical and I don’t ever worry about anything like that. It’s all temper and yelling and one sided.
9. He’s very confident and a bit “full of himself”. That can come in two forms or as I see it “two different people”. When he is energetic and happy it’s how good of a job he did and he often says “damn I’m good” which is fine because I like to see him proud and happy. On the other hand if it is when his mood is “angry” he has told me “You think you can do everything on your own but I know better… you can’t”.
10. He can dismiss a significant argument after being angry/hostile with me and even after saying hurtful things and next minute he pretends it never happened and will even try to flirt and grab at me.
11. If I don’t agree with doing it “his way” and think he may be wrong he takes that as I’m disrespecting me.
12. He is constantly shopping and spending on things in thrifts shops to resell and make a profit. That’s where a lot of his income is from and it’s almost a “high” for him to shop for those items, when he finds things and when he sells it and makes a profit. He brags about it and considers himself clever and it puts him in some of his best moods where he becomes “fast paced” and excited/talkative.
13. Since I met him I never understood how little sleep he needs. He will go to bed at 1030 11pm and everyday up at 5 even if he doesn’t have anything to do until 8am. That wasn’t so much of a big deal except if I go to the bathroom during the night and get back to bed and by chance wake him. He will get up and start his day even if it’s 3:45am. I usually try to hold it if I wake up anytime after 330am just so I don’t wake him for the day and end up with him leaving the bed. During the day he will never complain about being tired. The only thing I have seen him do and it has nothing to do with the hours he slept, but I often see him “crashing” during the day sometimes. If he sits still for even a moment he’s nodding off just like my 78 year old grandfather would do.
With all of that listed above my husband likes to and maybe even “needs” to take care of things. He is extremely generous always asking if I need anything and will give you the shirt off his back. Doing that makes him feel happy and he is also a great dad to his two kids who pretty much do whatever he asks. I enjoy so much about him when things are good however, once he feels challenged, rejected or disrespected he will be quick to change even one time saying things like “I have to it my way because look how you do it” leaving me feeling guilty as if I am incapable while deep down I know I’m just easy going and will let him do things to avoid confrontation. Sometimes I wonder if he really believes I do it wrong or if he just needs to keep busy. I have considered that he may be controlling but I have never experienced him being jealous or controlling over me and my activities. I considered manic bipolar but he doesn’t have any of the depressive signs at all. My 14 yr old daughter (his stepdaughter) has oppositional defiant disorder they are now practically enemies… I have just recently taken back the control of parenting my own because his “do what I say because I said so” and yelling at her for disrespecting turned into a disaster relationship between them and I finally stood firm on insisting doing it my way, the way I had to learn through classes from when she was younger and because of my request he has asked for a divorce. I am recently seeing how similar my daughter and husbands behavior are. They are both one sided… always right… argue and raise their voice. Could there be more to my husband’s behavior too rather than it just being his personality?

Please see my post. My bf of ten years is undiagnosed.

A charming, ultra confident, sexual pervert ( like you i am very open minded but he is extreme) great sex though, makes out he knows it all, more qualified that he is, will try anything and talk people into him being an expert, spending, moving from job to job, rented house to rented house, cant keep friends.

Then, withdraws, phone off, runs away, hides, sees other women for a roof ????? depressed, no money, no job, nowhere to live.

On the run up to his downs, you know something is wrong. He will say the sky is green. You can see it coming but he will deny it. He acts mysterious like he is hiding something.

His diet is awful. But when he rights himself he comes back to me, very loving and convincing.

Hope this helps you.

Lolita

I'm sorry to read that you're having so much difficulty with your husband. Of course no one on this site is liscenced to diagnose your husband but there does definately seem to be something going awry with his behavior. Only a professional could dx him and from your post I'm not sure if your husband is willing to go seek help. He probably doesn't even think he has a problem.

You question weather this could be more than his personality, but this could prescisley be a personality disorder issue or maybe OCD or generalized anxiety, he may not even fit into a catagory per se but he does really seem to have issues, and I dont think Bipolar is his problem. The depression has to show itself at some point I believe.

Honestly my main concern in reading your post is you. Walking on eggshells and constantly having to justify yourself to him is very damaging. You say you have no fear he would ever be physically violent but just having to say that signifies that you have thought about it, even for a split second.

If your husband refuses to seek help (which he needs in my opinion) maybe consider seeing someone yourself just mainly to manage your emotions and help you cope with dealing with him.
All the best.

I feel so badly for you.

In a nutshell, I left my ex because of his behavior and how it impacted our daughter. I decided I didn't want HER to think a husband should treat his wife that way, that a marriage was supposed to be like that. I didn't her to think it was the norm and acceptable.

I hope you can convince him to go into therapy but if he truly refuses and wants a divorce, I'd help him move out his belongings . Neither you, nor your daughter, deserve that treatment. His behavior may in fact be causing her ODD to flare up more often, more fiercely. It's such a horrible situation for you, such an awful position to be in. My heart goes out to you.

While I left my ex for the mental well being of my daughter, I realized later on (with therapy) that I should have valued myself more and left for ME much sooner!!
(Prior to me leaving, he mouthed off to me one day. I don't remember what he said. It was his normal garbage. My daughter, then 3.5 years old said, in front of him, "Mommy, when I grow up, I'm going to beat him up for talking to you like that!!!!" It was a wake up call. My 3.5 year old, wanting to defend me. How could I let her grow up thinking that was okay??? And again, after the fact, why did I let MYSELF be treated that way.)

Wishing you all the best in a very difficult situation


On a side note, you might look up narcissitic personality disorder. Many, many of the things you've described fit narcissim. That fit my current husband to a T. We went through marriage counseling and miraculously he was able to break away from some of those behaviors. But your husband sounds like a mix of a few diagnoses.... or of a disorder I've not heard of before.