'Tis the Season...

...to be depressed as ###$.

Does anyone else absolutely despise Christmas time? Don't get me wrong, it's nice to spend time with family occasionally, but everyone's rushing around doing ######6 useless $#%^, and it gets on my nerves. In my opinion, it's the most selfish time of year.

Not only that, I feel trapped into spending time with my girlfriend's family...only her mom knows about my illness, which makes it really fun for me having to explain to the rest of her family why I've dropped out of school and am not working...all this to say without giving them the slightest hint that I have a mental illness.

This is a bitter post, which I apologize for. My mood's cycling like crazy still, I'm irritable, I want to be alone and this is the time of year where I'm FORCED to be around people and pretend that I'm loving life and everything's peachy.

Anyone else feel this way? I'm looking forward to your replies!

Nupy

Hi honey

Christmas can be a really tough time of year. I find it is good to plan ahead how you are going to deal with it in order to survive it. Things like thinking about how you are going to get time to yourself and how you are going to step back from the situation if things get intense are worth thinking about. You might also want to think about how much you are going to drink as that can cause problems at christmas. You are not alone in struggling with this time of year- it can be really tough. Think about some ways you can be kind to yourself too in order to get through it and what rewards you could give yourself for doing so. In terms of telling ppl what is going on for you - you are under no obligation to - it is none of their business unless you choose to make it so and they dont need to know. I really hope it goes OK for you. I also hope that your mood settles down soon

Huge hugs

Cracked

Christmas is a tough time of year for me too. I agree about it being kind of selfish and taken over by consumerism. Which seems the opposite of what the time is really about. I'd love to be able to celebrate it.

Thing is I was never allowed to celebrate it. My dad is a rather hardcore anti-religious guy and never let us have Christmas trees or anything like that (even celebrate our birthdays, says it's idolatry). We were only allowed to go to my mother's family get together were we got some presents and got to see all the holiday trimmings. I was actually 19 and married when I first celebrated on my own accord. I have to say, it just doesn't feel right celebrating it so I never have enjoyed it the way I wish I could.

Yeah christmas is awefuly hard on me as well. My family never really spent much time together due to erratic work schedules, and if we did have christmas we were so poor it was nothing like my friends were having so i grew to despise it. Now my gf is dragging me to not one but two of her families christmas parties, where the tradition of buy everyone several things even if they refuse to have christmas reins. So I have to buy them stuff in return or get outcast at their party. F christmas. I have $20 to my name, and I dont want to buy a bunch of judge-mental people crap I cant afford so I wont be looked down upon. I dont have a steady job, but do they care? no.

my favorite holliday is halloween. where you can dress up in an old bed sheet and be a ghost, or a trash bag and be the garbage monster and deck your house out to look trashy (like mine does all year anyway) and nobody judges you no matter how weird you look. The best holliday by far. not this christmas crap where I am forced to go to church by my gf's family, and pretend to be happy i got some dumb cvs toy from someone I would never spend time with outside of this little event.

I am with you guys, christmas is way overrated. everyone has to pretend they have more than they do, talk about a dog and pony show, the economy stinks, and yet we still pretend we are milionaires and for what? so our own family the people that should understand the most, should believe everything is allright with us, because we bought them a $10 gift card? then they dont have to talk to us again until christmas or thanksgiving of next year like we dont exist, and people wonder why there are so many problems in this world. if we cant trust the people who are blood and closest to us to help us when we really need it (typically not at x-mas time) where can we turn? oh I know, psychiatrists, medicine, and internet forums.

Thanks for the replies. My depression and paranoia aren't getting better, and I just spoke with my counsellor on the phone about being admitted to the hospital for whatever period of time to get my meds right again. I've already started going back up on my Lamotrigine - my doctor knows about this - and I know I have to be patient, but everything's becoming more difficult to deal with.

I was hoping they could start me on Wellbutrin, something my doctor has already mentioned. She just didn't want to start it in case it caused mania, but if I'm in the hospital, they can monitor me and act accordingly.

I don't know what to do...

-- Fri Dec 14, 2012 5:37 pm --

@ ash

That doesn't sound like fun to me at ALL. Maybe I shouldn't complain about the one family get-together I have to go to.

For me, Christmas used to be a big happy family gathering with food and gifts and shouty children and I really looked forward to it. Until 8 years ago (time flies, woops) my aunt pretty much gave me an ultimatum -- either I come alone leaving boyfriend at home, or I don't. I think I saw her twice since then, at a funeral and at a wedding.

Family has split because of what she has done. First in two, then in more pieces, as more family members started saying out loud what they didn't like -- my family used to be very good at keeping up appearances, I was the first one to say out loud "no, I refuse to pretend to be the person you want me to be". Then more of them followed and refused to follow orders they were given by aunt and grandmother. Then grandmother died and most of the remaining "we're a big happy family" pretence went bust. And so last year I spent Christmas with my mom and one of my brothers. The other brother came briefly, then went to see his wife's family. Aunt's sons refused to invite her over, both of them had their Christmases separately (and far away from her). She was, as we later found out, left all alone, but when my mom called to ask if she would like to come over she refused. Guess she wasn't looking forward to table conversation with me.

This year I am not seeing any of my family, spending Christmas with boyfriend and trying to pretend it's Easter or something. Said Grampa "Scrooge" Grumps

Sorry to hear there's more people who can't stand the "season"!

I'm not looking forward to it, either. I'm flying back to visit my mom's family, who are all middle-class yuppies trying to be upper class, and they're the most normative, superficial bunch I've ever met. It's ironic, since most of them have pretty intense psychological issues themselves, but they just pretend everything is normal and everyone is doing wonderfully blah blah blah, and they just expect everyone else to go along with it (which is WAY stressful). It really is a pretty selfish time of year in my family, and the useless sh!t everyone obsesses over bugs me, too. They act like it's all such a big deal, like the holidays are the epicenter of their egos, and I'm just like... do you people not realize that there's actual horrible sh!t going on in the world, and that your inability to find a Santa hat that matches your dress is really not in any way important enough to make a scene over, or for me to care about? Maybe I'm being too cynical, but I also know that most of them, regardless of the time of year, think of nothing but themselves.

I don't know what I can say to any of them. It's like, hi, we're related I guess but I have nothing in common with you except MI, which you won't talk about because it's not "polite" conversation. I guess I'll just shrink into a corner as per usual, looking as vacuous as possible while constantly eating to keep conversation from happening. Gotta have a strategy.

Holidays are for people who Want, Want , Want. Only thing i like about holidays is is usually get paid time off from work. Its nothing else but a pain in my a--. Why cant people just be happy with what they got.

I don't like the secularism of holidays in general, how some families do it is horrible. My family is really easy to please though. We actually have a fair amount mentally ill people who are just trying to get by let alone make a big materialistic deal out of Christmas. My mom and I are only doing very small gifts for each other this year, I suggested we donate to an orphanage in Peru that I loved instead. Pool our money. And that's what we're doing. Winter in general brings out my worst self, and I often take it out on the holidays. I get really really morbidly depressed often times. I'm thankful this year I'm doing alright and will give to people who need it. I guess you can do that any time of year, Christmas is a nice reminder.