Bipolar and Romantic Relationships..

Hi all,

I'm a Non-Bipolar individual and I just wanted to know how living with Bipolar Disorder effects your relationships with your spouses or boyfriend/girlfriends?

Have you had trouble forming and maintaining your romantic relationships?
Have you had a success story in a relationship where you did stay together and made it work?

I'm curious about it all because I'm massively struggling with my Bipolar I Ex-Boyfriend. I broke it off with him a week ago. He had to recently get off his medications because of insurance issues and he NEEDS medication. It's just been a rough 2 years with no progress

Thank you!!

Hi and welcome

Being in a relationship with someone with BP can be really tough. I think the main things I can suggest are being supportive of them and encourage them to take steps to be as healthy as they can. Another thing that can be useful is finding out as much as you can about the disorder in order to understand what is going on and what the person with BP might be experiencing. Having said that they also have a responsibility to make the relationship work. I think it is important to put down some boundaries in terms of what you will and wont accept too. I am really sorry to hear about the situation you are in.

A lot of ppl with BP do find relationships tough for various reasons - this can be really tough for SOs.

I really hope that things work out for you in the best way for you

Cracked

Thank you, I really hope it does too. I've researched Bipolar Disorder a whole lot. I can see when he is going in and out of his cycles. I've been there for him through everything. Loyal, understanding, honest, hopeful. I have set boundaries and there are things I just cannot except from him as to how he treats me. I forgive him and he repeatedly betrays my trust with his promises and words. He does not communicate with me at all. It's almost as if he lives in a shell that I occasionally get to visit. Our relationship has come to a crossroads where I can't count on him the way he can count on me. I am putting so so much effort into this relationship and I don't feel he is. Maybe he is but it sure doesn't seem that way. Words only go so far when you don't ever see the actions. He says he is trying and I have seen him try but it's short lived, essentially nothing has changed in 2 years. I wish things could be different. I have done my part in this relationship. I feel helpless to help him. I've financially aided him for over a year without any thanks or pay back. I'm struggling as well. I have left it up to him if he wants to be with me because otherwise it just keeps going on this way. I'm worried for him. I cannot see him living alone or on his own. He has a very hard time maintaining/holding down a job for more than a month. His family takes on much of his personal responsibilities as an adult and it wont go on like that forever. He has to have his mother hold onto his money but when she did last time it suddenly vanished? I don't ever get the real story on anything I feel like. It's mentally draining me.

I guess I want to know I'm not alone and that other people have had similar relationships, maybe even had them work out? We have so much potential together, it's just a shame it had to end.....

I think, if the person isn't aware they are bipolar then the most damage to relationships are done. I was married way before I became diagnosed and it failed badly. I had trouble holding down a job and providing for my spouse. I was going through a state of hypersexuality at the time and that caused a lot of trust issues, not to mention the usual irritable moods that just made day to day living with me rough. I was oblivious to my condition and was quite the monster so that relationship failed.

I believe now that I am aware of things, I could work with someone to be able to have a good relationship. Good luck and I hope you figure out what to do about your ex and where to go from here. I do believe bipolar people can manage a relationship, for what it's worth.

I agree with Zyphyr that such relationships can work. I've been married for 8 years and I was diagnosed 5 years ago. I doubt that most women would have stuck with such a situation, but my wife is tough as nails and we're doing great. We've learned how to work well as a team. Not easy, but well worth it.

I'll add that I actually think that it's a lot easier on a spouse when medications are not used, but only if the bipolar individual recovers (a whole other topic). I say this because meds cover up a lot of stuff, which can lead to confusion in a relationship. Meds also reduce empathy, emotions, and sensitivity that are important when communicating with a partner.

As always, I add the disclaimer that a doctor should be used when deciding what to do with meds.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II last year but I've had it all my life. My relationships compared to before I knew to after were dramatically different. Now that I've been able to understand how my emotions work and explain them to my boyfriend, I have much more hope for my relationship

I feel so bad that your boyfriend can't get the medicine he needs but I honestly think therapy would be far more helpful anyways if there's anyway he could get it. I used to take a mood stabilizer but now I'm not on any medicine and my relationship is as successful as it is because my therapist helps me understand my swings, what triggers them, and how to cope with them. He needs to learn what behavior is right and wrong which is very hard to decipher being Bipolar.
As much as you want to help stabilize him, a professional will be a lot better at it; you can even go to sessions with him which would help both of you.

Now, in my relationship, I know my boyfriend feels the same as what you've described. I act out and make him feel like $#%^ for no reason. I honestly think my bipolar is harder on him than it is on me. He's a very strong person though and knows when I get in my swings not to listen to any hurtful things I may say and he does one important thing for me: let's me know when I'm in a swing.
One of the hardest things for me is to figure out when I'm acting out for no reason, but he's much better at seeing this, tells me, and won't take any of my #######4 then.

But, I also do my part too. That's very important. I listen to him, I feel for him, and I do my best to make up for when I do strain our relationship. If he can't return the love and care you are giving him, even if he needs more help than you, I don't think the relationship is fair. I'm not saying it couldn't work, I just think he needs to become more dedicated and get more help with understanding his own emotions.

Another thing I've noticed about myself is that relationships make me swing even more. I can't tell exactly what it is. I think it's because I know my boyfriend will always accept me, so I feel like I don't need to control myself. My boyfriend loves me very much but we also have an understanding that he won't let me walk all over him. Just because my mind works differently, doesn't give me the right to treat someone poorly.
My boyfriend has also told me he loves that I'm Bipolar. To him he really enjoys the times that I get super excited, happy, or loving, even though all of those swings I should be controlling, and says he'll never get bored with our relationship. I also get very creative in my manic episodes which he really admires. Maybe it would help if you think of the benefits of him being Bipolar compare to someone normal to decide if it's a good relationship for you.

I hope this helps. It's important to keep in mind a relationship is a team and partnership. No matter anyone's weaknesses, the same amount of effort and dedication should be put in.

I agree, the intense mood swings can be rough, but there are a lot of positive things that come from someone with this problem. They can bring all sorts of new experiences great, good, and not so great to people who otherwise would not have chosen those paths.

Most of my relationships have been long, and generally devoid of angry banter.

I'm always honest about my moods, or if anything at all is bothering me... and I expect the same from whomever I'm with. More unique to my bipolar disorder, I'm open about when I need to be alone. I don't like to have company whilst I'm depressed, because it aggravates me. I wouldn't be able to have a relationship with a partner who didn't respect that.

Relationships can be tough, but I think as long as there's communication and the illness is acknowledged, it can be just fine. Both parties just need to be completely honest and want to make it work, just like in a non MI relationship. I've been with my partner for 4 years, married for 2, and we both have issues that we try to be aware of and accomodate for. It's not always easy, but it's well worth it, and we're generally very happy with our situation. It also seems like it's become a lot easier since I started medication, as my moods are much more manageable and I'm only cycling slightly upward and back to baseline now. Before my meds, I nearly ended the relationship more times than I care to remember while in an episode, and at times couldn't respond to or communicate with him at all (when it got really bad in either direction).

@ Ian, my experience with meds thus far is that they actually haven't reduced empathy, emotions, cognitive functions, etc. At all. Maybe I just got lucky with mine, but I just feel clear minded, functional, responsive, and like I can be happy without being afraid of the crash. Maybe the ones you were on were more sedative?

My first boyfriend was driven insane by my illness I was untreated and pretty unstable I didn't know I was bipolar then 10 years on he still hates and loves me I became like a drug for him and he was hooked on me I was also in a dark place then and took drugs alcohol what ever I could get my hands on. He has a child and a new girlfriend now but he still calls me begging for me to go back and sometimes threatening to kill me. But my current relationship of 7 years 5 diagnosed and untreated is strong the difference is I'm older and I see the mistakes from my first relationship and I work at this one plus I'm not in that self destructive phase.

I will always live with the guilt of what Did to my first love but my advice is if he is in a good place mentally and willing to work really hard go for it if he's not then walk now.