An Update

Before i left off for a month or so I told you i was going to see an adult psychiatrist - after not seeing one since I was classed as a child because i was 17 - over 2 years ago now. The adult psychiatrist has confirmed my childhood diagnosis of Bipolar II. She recognised me as currently being in a depressive stage.

I also left off saying that my hopeless romanticism had payed off and for the first time in my life i'd found someone I wanted to be with who wanted to be with me. Well that's now gone away due to the technicality of living so far apart we both decided it was too hard emotionally to have to be apart so much. Which has killed me.

I actually feel so $#%^ at this moment in time that I don't really want to write anymore. Suicide is on my mind but I don't think i'm at a point to worry just yet. However, I plan to not go outside again because I've given up on trying with life, putting effort in. I'm so sick of it. I can get food delivered to the door - i have everything i need in here. The stimulants of social interaction and things outside seem to only upset me more. So that's that.

In other news my psych has offered me meds but said I need to have bloods done before she can put me on anything... which isn't something I can do. My anxiety is far too bad for me to let anyone near me with a needle and that isn't about to change. I can not see any way on earth that i'd allow blood to be taken from me... So I guess that means no meds?

Anyway. I feel horrible. And I don't want to write anymore right now - just thought I'd update you all on my situation. I would say I'm going to bed now, but i can't sleep so I'm probably just going to watch tv indefinitely.

HUGE hugs hon

I am sorry things are bad for you - thank you for updating us. It sounds like things are pretty horrid. Is your psych working on treating your mood? Sounds like they need to. Please keep talking and know that ppl here are on your side and want you to be OK

huge hugs

Cracked

She's not currently doing anything for my mood - she's given me another appointment in 3 months time to catch up with her.

She said i'd need bloods taking before I could be put on any meds, and that if I wanted any talk therapy like CBT I should go online and find local services and refer myself to them