Ive been reading through all of these.

Is it bad that none of this helps? I kind of feel like i can talk all day and be in the same horrible spot 5 minutes later. Does anyone else feel this way?

I thought maybe, just for a minute, that reading other stories of BP people would help me. It didnt nothing helps Im litterally out of options here..

Ive been waking up to take sleeping pills for the last 6 days. I have 0 interests, 0 drive, 0 will. I cant even occupy my own mind! All i can do is sit here and think! Its DRIVING ME INSANE I JUST WANT IT TO SHUT UP! everyone tells me that it will be ok... but its never ok. I feel like thats such a generic response to everything. everytime i reach out in a desperate attempt for help, someones just like "it will be ok". One day im going to dead, and they will be telling eachother "it will be ok". Ha.

I feel like i dont even deserve a cheeseburger from mcdonalds.

Nobody deserves a cheeseburger from McDonald's, it's poisonous waste! Treat yourself to a nice steak instead.

I can definitely relate to the no drive and no will feelings, that's where I've spent last week and a half, convinced it will never change... and then last two days the drive is back. No idea why or where it came from, but I don't care, I enjoy it. Apparently this is still rapid cycling, but hell, one mood for two weeks is total stability for me at the moment.

I looked at your post at the "What's your story" thread -- sorry to hear about your girlfriend, cheating is never nice, and if she told you that the reason was your illness, she's obviously the kind of person who finds cheating okay as long as she can blame someone else. When you say you have no support, do you mean there's no psychiatrist or therapist either? I'm asking because you mentioned medications, and I think you need more than just that right now.

You say you will never live a normal life... I had to come to that realisation in the two months since my diagnosis too. But then there's many more things other than a normal life you and me can do. Like, have a special, interesting, different life of our own. I might never be able to keep a full time job either. Luckily, there's more things to life than full time jobs.

I'm not going to say "it will be ok". It will be some days, and some it won't be, and the help you look for might arrive from a totally unexpected place. But I see now you are in a really bad spot, like CrackedGirl wrote. Don't make any big decisions mate. Get out of the bad spot first. And whatever you do, don't go to McDonald's!

first off, the cheeseburger thing cracked me up. So thanks for the laughs.

I appreciate your response. Im sorry to hear your going through similiar issues, its not fun. I found this forum to get in contact with lovely people like yourself that can shed some light on the situation. Its nice to know im not the only one that feels this way!

I agree with being able to build a life that you are comfortable with. All i worry about is being able to sustain that life after ive created it. Im sure many of us here feel like you rebuild your life constantly after it was destroyed, over and over. i know im only 24, theres plenty of potential. I know i can do things i put my mind to.

Seems like im good at rebuilding! bad at sustaining!

Im in a rut at the moment because how many more times am i going to have to pick up the pieces of a once decent happy life of mine? every time i get all worked up, i get hospitalized, or get fired, or freak out and loose a girlfriend. Seems like no matter how well i build my life, even making sure to find people willing to work with my mental issues, it still back fires.

Am i the only one that experiences this? How can i find some stability? and keep it?

PS: can a bi polar person date a bi polar person? i have this weird idea that the only person that can truely understand me is another bi polar person. Is this destined for disaster?

Take care guys, stay safe and i wish you all happiness.

-- Sat Dec 01, 2012 4:16 pm --

PS: yes im getting into more intensive therapy. Right now i just moved back from MA after the girl and i split. So being alone in my house probably isnt helping. I dont have any support with family/friends is what i meant i guess. I do have professional help. Just doesnt seem to be exactly helping at the moment. I am definitely working on getting into more intensive therapy though.

It is dificult to cope when you are feeling how you are feeling atm. Reading things from other ppl with BP can help as it can help you feel less alone but it is not an instant fix. I think the best advice I can give you is work with a Dr, therapist and anyone else on your mental health team and tell them how you are feeling and be accepting of help you are offered. It can take time for things to level off but they will and you will start to feel better. in the meantime be kind to yourself and keep talking here.

Huge hugs

Cracked