Seeking Treatment - Not sure where to start

Hi i have no idea where to start with all this i have been suffering for a long time now and i feel i need to accept something is wrong and seek treatment, i am 24 years old and male

I will try to keep this short as its a long story but i need advice
I have always had an addictive personality, when i was younger i used drugs, now i dont touch them and drink is my way of letting go

I have experienced severe depression in the past four years, i always knew i had some sort of anxiety disorder as i have trouble socialising a lot of the time, but only in the past 4 years have i experienced the "mania" side of things which has led me here

Basically iv been through periods of depression which range from mild to very bad, and i feel events in my life have triggered mania which i have never experienced before

I lost 2 family members i was very close to in death, lost my fiance, failed university
I have experienced 2 bouts of "mania", i have read the symtoms and as i was reading it i said this is me, i slept with so many women i lost count, drank so much i probably have problems later in life, started smoking after quitting 4 years ago, i lost massive amounts gambling, i started doing seedy things like visting strip clubs, paying for "services", i became violent with a number of people most of whom are no longer my friends

Most of all i feel alcohol is a massive trigger in all this, along with the loss of my fiance who used to support me through everything (i lost her because of my erratic behaivour) and the money i lost gambling was actually money i inherted from my family members who passed away, and it is eating away at me bit by bit thinking how much of a horrible person i have become and how i have let them down

I have recently been through another period of feeling high as a kite but it has not been as severe, but the depression has hit me so hard this time, i feel i have to seek help after denying anything is wrong for so long

Do i sound like i have a problem and can anyone give me any advice on improving my life and seeking treatment as i have no idea where to start

It sounds like you've been through a lot. It's definitely not fun to have to go through so many distressing moments, and to lose so much before finally recognizing that there might be a problem. The best place to start in seeking treatment would be to try to build your support network. This can include seeing a psychiatrist and therapist if you are interested in the more traditional approach. Everyone's belief systems are different, and some people seek other forms of support such as a religious or holistic counselor. I would begin finding someone in 3D whom you can talk to and share your experiences with. We're still always here as well! I can't say whether or not the symptoms/events you described are bipolar or not as I'm not a professional. I can tell you that I can relate to some of what you described.

James,
Hi there! Sorry you're going through such a bad time. Your signature block has meds you're taking listed, so I'm gonna venture to say you're being seen by a pdoc or GP who's giving you those. Are you in counseling? Your posting had a lot of experiences of loss that you've been through. Maybe addressing some of those instances, especially in light of the fact that you think they might have been triggers to some of what's going on, with a therapist might help. If you are seeing a counselor, have you discussed these losses with them?

Grieving losses (not just those through death, but any other reasons for loss of people or things we feel important in our lives) takes time and is a process. It's not an easy process, and every person has their own timeline for healing and getting through that process.

If you feel that your current treatments are not sufficiently helping you, try to address that with professionals. I don't know from your posting whether that means adding a counselor, switching pdocs, getting onto or off of different meds. But whatever the case, you're not in a great place right now and it's REALLY good that you recognize that. Try to do what you can to get the professional help and/or make adjustments in that care that might ease your situation a little.

Thoughts are with you...

Hugs,
Kosh