Diagnosis Denial? Ever feel like maybe pdoc got it wrong?

Hello, I was just wondering if any of you with Bipolar II (or BP 1 for that matter) ever feel in denial of your diagnosis? Right now, I'm starting to get there again. I was originally dx'd with BP II back in 2008, and after about 3 months of treatment, I rejected it, and said that I basically fed my pdoc the dx I was looking for. I went in saying my soon to be ex-husband had told me that's what he thought was wrong with me, and so basically my pdoc diagnosed me as "mild bipolar." After a few months, I started feeling better, quit my meds, and said that my struggles had been only because I was going through a divorce, and that my ex was the real problem (he was a huge problem, at least for me).

I went to my current pdoc (at the Veteran's Hospital) to have a full psych evaluation, because I just needed to know what is REALLY going on with me, to get to the root of the problem, since I've received multiple diagnoses, and after two visits, she said I had Bipolar II. I didn't receive a full psych eval. Basically she explained that she had to decide if it was warranted, if she didn't feel she could accurately diagnose me during our sessions. After the second session (multiple questions asked), she felt comfortable with the dx of Bipolar II.

Anyway, I agreed with the dx at first, now I'm starting to doubt it. Maybe because I feel better right now, I don't know. I will start meds on November 12.

Just wondering if it's common for BP II people to doubt their dx because it's "milder", pardon my lack of a better word. Less easily defined? Anyway, any opinions would be helpful.

Thanks!

I doubt mine alot. I rejected treatment for years because of that fact. I still frequently think that really what is wrong with me is recurring moderate-to-severe depression. The farther in the past my hypomanias get, the more I discount the experience as anything abnormal. A lot of days, the only thing that keeps me trusting the diagnosis is when I mention the fact that I don't think I'm bipolar to some people, they are like... "Ummm.... you're dumb. Remember when you did [something incredibly impulsive, usually involving travel and sudden-but-temporary moves to other states]/etc.

The matter is even more complicated because, having AvPD and all, I'm generally quite socially reclusive. And so, a lot of times, 'hypomania' is really kinda acting and socializing like a normal person. It's all relative, but muddles my thoughts on the accuracy of the diagnosis.

I've doubted my diagnosis many times. I had thought maybe my hypomanias weren't frequent enough or severe enough to be considered such. Even though I had one that got me hospitalized, I still doubted. I've been well for quite awhile now due to having the proper drugs, and now I doubted once again, simply because I've been well.

I think it's common for us to doubt it. I guess what really matters is whether or not you need treatment for your symptoms, and if the drugs that are directed towards Bipolar are helping, then that is great. Whether or not the title of "bipolar" is appropriate or not, just focus on your symptoms and what can help them.

And Arbitrage - Since I have AvPD as well, my past hypomanias kinda just made me seem on par with everyone else, and made me appear "normal" as well. But for me, the change was incredibly significant compared to my usual Avoidant self, and thus an abnormal change and "high". I think when it comes to hypomania, and determining the severity, it really needs to be based on and compared to our "usual" state. Which for you and me, would be reclusive and avoiding social interaction and such..

- EGD.

Sometimes I think, the diagnosis is right on. I think back, because my pdoc asked me how anti-depressants helped / did not help me, and I think back to the first time I was on Zoloft. I think it really might have put me in hypomania: here's what happened:

Zoloft first time:
I was working overnight 12 hour shifts in the Air Force, and I decided to go to Beauty School. So, on Zoloft, I worked 7pm to 7am, got off work, got my son ready for daycare, then got to beauty school at 9:00am, did that till 5:00pm, then picked my son up from daycare, took an hour or so nap, then went back to work at 7:00 pm. I did this for 3 whole months. I would nap at work (we would sneak and take nap shifts lol). I barely slept, and functioned very well. Then I went on vacation to California, and while there, decided I wanted to stay longer, so without getting the proper approval for leave, I just called a lowly airman who was not in my chain of command, and told him to tell my boss that I would be staying a few days extra. Needless to say, when I returned, I got in serious trouble, they gave me an Article 15 (I think it was that one, non-judicial punishment) for being AWOL, lost a stripe (rank), but still had an honorable discharge.

So obviously Zoloft didn't help, and that sounds like hypomania. It's just when I'm fine, I tend to forget things like that.

so maybe I do have it. That really sounds like hypomania.

Thoughts on that anyone?

That does sound like it might have been hypomania. I think you hit on the head there when you said when you're well you tend to forget what has happened in the past. When I was doubting, I kinda just sat down and ran through all the different things and episodes I had been through in the past few years and I go "oh yeah, that, that, and that all were hypomania episodes.." We tend to forget when we are doing well.

So yeah - give this some time, talk more with your doctors, try the meds, see if it helps. It's natural to doubt, but don't deny it, since you could be Bipolar.

- EGD.