Do I have a problem?

This is my first post, and I found this website by googling- Feeling bad when you eat

I am 20yrs old, 5'0" and 140lbs. I have averaged between 135 and 140 since I was about 14yrs old. At my heaviest, I was around 150lbs. I was one of the "popular" girls in middle school, and then I found out that my "friends" secretly talked about me and made fun of me behind my back. I have never had any friends since then, except for my boyfriend.

I really don't know what is wrong with me. I do not overeat, yet I feel horrible about myself every time I eat something. I try to stick to healthy foods, and I have not had soda or candy bars in almost a year. Every time I eat, I just feel horrible about myself, and I then tend to go look at myself in a mirror and nit-pick every inch of fat on me. I have never stopped eating, nor have I ever purged.

I was diagnosed with a disorder where the bones in my knees are deteriorating. I can no longer run, and am having my second surgery this winter. The only real exercise I can do is swimming and biking, but I hate myself in a suit. I am also a compulsive nail biter, but I am working on that. I think that I have some anxiety issues too, but I have never been diagnosed with anything.

Some days I feel great and pretty, but most of the time I feel like a lard ball and ugly. I really don't know what to do.

I am sorry you are experiencing this and that it is distressing you. I am not a professional but it does not sound like you have BED from your description of your eating habits. Have you ever looked into BDD? There is a forum here about that that has a stickie that describes what it is. Maybe have a look at it and see if anything there resonates with you. It sounds like you have low self esteem so another thing to think about is to see a therapist to work on that. Good luck.

Cracked