cant do this anymore

not in the mood to write a long post. but basically my problems started when i started extreme dieting about like age 15/16. i would eat under 800 cals a day, exercise every day, and went from 8 stone 8 to 7 stone 7, my goal was 7 stone. i started binging when i mucked up on a day, sometimes to the point where i felt so sick and my stomach felt like it was going to burst. then i would starve myself the day after. and carry on, but the cycle carried on. for about the past year, i stopped being able to restrict so much, but the binging carried on. i would eat ok for a day or 2, then binge, massively, then get depressed. over the past year i've put on close to 2 stone and i'm the fattest i've ever been. now i barely ever restrict but cant seem to stop binging. it makes me feel awful, it ruins my life and brings me close to feeling suicidal. i never go out with friends anymore, never, because i feel too fat and disgusting and depressed. losing pretty much all my friends. none of my clothes fit anymore. but i just seem to have no control over food anymore. i'll start a new healthy eating plan determined to lose weight then within a day or 2 i'll eat junk food again. i'm obsessed with calories and food and it takes over my life. i miss a lot of college because i feel too fat and depressed. it makes me so depressed i'll just sit and cry and wish i had never been born. nothing ever seems to work. i cant do this anymore. its ruining my life. i dont know what to do :'(

I am not really qualified in any way to give advice and I am in exactly the same position as you; at the end of my tether.

All I can suggest is having a read through this forum (it has really helped me to find out that I'm not some kind of freak and other people suffer with this too) and try to let go of any food control. Let go of worrying about your body. Trust that things will come right a lot easier when you do this. You can do it. Distraction helps. Try and identify things which you enjoy and people who make you happy and focus on them/these people. Good luck xx

hey some of what you have written I could have wrote myself. My weight has been very up and down, this year I have put on 4 stone. and right now my weight is so high I feel that I have those dreaded thoughts that I don't want to live because of it. I have no friends, I only go out to go food shopping each day, Im not doing anything with my life cuz of my weight, i signed up to an art course in sept, but cancelled because of my weight. I feel so ashamed and embarrased of myself. Im not even celebrating xmas this year because of it. it is pretty ridiculous, but i feel that I just cant live at this weight! I am sorry this is a depressing post, I am just in the same boat, and cudnt belive when i read ur post as this is how i am feeling right now. I feel I don't know how to get out of it ! it's ruining my life too. (((((hug))))))

I noticed it's the same case with all of us. We ALL restrict foods that are unhealthy and bad for us and we end up eating it like crazy when we are binging. Flower01, you are not alone...

well in a strange way, though of course i hate that others are suffering as much as me, its nice to know i'm not alone.

@ flower01: i know how you feel about not celebrating special occasions because of it. i had my 18th birthday this year and i just wanted it over and done with, didnt want to celebrate at all because i didnt want to go out and let people see me. last night my friends got together and did secret santa presents and had a roast dinner but obviously i couldnt go, first because i didnt want people to see my hideousness and secondly because the thought of a meal where i dont know the calories brings me into a huge panic. and i have like a fear of people seeing me eat in case they think i'm fat and greedy.

i wish i could make people feel better but i wouldnt know what to say as obviously i'm a very bad example!

i decided today i was going to start stopping counting calories. but i just couldnt bring myself to do it. i really wish i could!

right. after more weeks of trying to diet, but actually ending up putting on weight, ive come to a decision, i need to try much harder to STOP dieting and counting calories and try to just eat a normal balanced diet. its hard as im addicted to counting calories but i think i need to get out of my comfort zone.
because today i was doing well, lots of fruit and veg and within my limit.....then i ended up alone at home, ate 2 cupcakes, 2 go ahead bars, 5 weightwatchers bars, 2 chocolate biscuits and 3 normal biscuits. ARGHH. day for the total 3100 calories and i'm now at my heaviest weight ever of 9 stone 2 at 5'3/5'4. I feel disgusting and depressed. I still never go out. I'm scared that if I stop counting calories I will put on more weight instead of losing it....but I need to try.
I'm thinking something like porridge with honey and fruit, or weetabix/museli with yoghurt and fruit for breakfast. A chicken salad wrap or a wholemeal sandwich and some more fruit for lunch. Then a normal dinner like spaghetti bolognese with lean mince, brown rice with chicken and veg, or a jacket potato with baked beans. Maybe fruit or rice cakes for snacks if I get hungry and the odd treat like a chocolate bar or a meal out but not excessively binging on my own. Then trying to keep as active as possible, going swimming, dancing on the wii and walking wherever possible. I want peoples opinions, do you think this would work? Do you think I could manage to lose weight this way? I just want normal eating habits and to be like every other normal 18 year old!!! xx

ohhh my god for gods sake, i'm at my heaviest ever and its just getting worse! i said today i wasnt gonna diet, just eat normally. was all good had 3 healthy meals and some healthy snacks. then had a nap, woke up at half 6 in the evening, went downstairs and binged!! i dont know what do anymore. i just feel out of control. ive kind of given up and accepted that im never gonna go out with friends or have a normal life ever.
i just cant do this anymore. im crying and crying yet i know this wont stop me from binging again. :'(