Gender/sexuality as applied to binge eating

Ok, so I have, and have had, binge eating disorder for 2 years. A lot of it dealt with the messages I was indirectly told as a child based on my family situation.
But now I feel I have another insight into my binging. I am a girl who's in a relationship with a girl, but the thing is, I'm SO afraid of guys. I hate the gender role men play in a woman's life. I'm constatly on the run from the heterosexual lifestyle that's been beaten into me through the media. I feel likemen are always watching me with sex-hungry eyes. I feel as if they are consuming me, and it's eat or be eaten! I know that I'm supposed to have sex with guys, but the only way I can picture that is if I were raped. So I'm also deathly afraid of being raped.
This relates back to my eating though. . . because sometimes I feel like I should be skinny to please men (that is the gender role I'm supposed to be playing) then the binging part of me- the part that wants love and care, not to be objectified to please others- comes up and beats down the anorexic girl in me. I hate my body-- I feel as if no matter how I look, fat or skinny, it is constantly betraying me. If I am skinny, I am objectified and consumed by men. If I am fat, I become invisible and rejected by society. I binge to separate from my body, punish my body, and get fat to repel sexual attention from men. I binge to suppress the anorexic girl in me that wants to be skinny to be accepted by society.
How can I truly embrace my body and treat it with the care it deserves when I feel so afraid of men( the role I should be playing), and when I feel so betrayed by my body? How can I learn to be friends with men? How do I learn to love my body for what it does for me (instead of what it does for other people looking at it)?
Please help!

54 people have read this and no one posts? this forum sucks. I'm out.

I'm going to guess that no one responded because you threw out a lof of emotional stuff. But i'll give it a try. First of all, i have to ask why you are so afraid of guys? One would think that if you have completely accepted yourself as living a homosexual lifestyle then men would not be an issue. My sister is a lesbian and choose that lifestyle because of how non-existant her mother was and wanted a female to love, so why do you think you prefer females over males? I wonder if your family told you that what you choose wasn't okay, you might be having control issues and food is one of the few things that we can control in our lives.I hate the gender role men play in a woman's life. You said that you know you are supposed to have sex with guys, but that is not true either. It sounds to me that you have a lot of emotions tied in with your choices in who you love and want to be with as well.
About hating your body, it's normal for anorexic suffers to swing back and forth, it's your bodies way of saying "feed me i'm hungry and i won't be feed for awhile"
My only advice is to read a book call "fat is a feminist issue' it deals with women who are afraid to be skinny and afraid not to be fat.
For some reason i'm guessing that there maybe more to your story then you choose to write down, whatever the case read that book and good luck.

ok, well first of all i just want to say that i'm glad i'm not the only one who feels the way you do. (although I'm not in any relationship -- i've never gone out with anyone romantically and never kissed a guy...oh yeh, and i'm 21...)
But while I'm strongly attracted to guys, I'm also really afraid of them, of being rejected -- so I try to lose weight and look good. But then when I do get any attention, it feels like it's all LUST, like they're just objectifying my body, and not seeing the real me. I don't want that -- seriously, who does? SO I too, have this binge problem, tho it's not as big a deal as it used to be.
It really sucks that guys have such an influence over me, even though I don't really talk to any or have any guy friends that I'm remotely attracted to. And that's the problem -- I'm objectifying them as much as I'm afraid they're objectifying me -- I've put them on this pedestal, where whatever I think they're thinking means so much, even though they have nothing to do with me and probably wouldn't even give me a second thought. "Guy" is just a concept, a terribly attractive concept. But they're just human! So why can't I talk to them? Why am i afraid of them? Why do I get this fight-or-flight trapped feeling in my chest whenever one gets too close to me?
And because humans are sexual by nature, I've got this awful biological urge to get some man, and find myself lusting after guys just like i'm afraid they're lusting after me.
It's a really sucky situation, and I dunno what to do about it.
I'd say just get some experience with a guy (talking, like to a girlfriend, and kissing -- u don't want to go too far) -- and then maybe all your preconceptions will be shattered and you'll realize that we're all in this thing called life together because we're all human. Of course, that hasn't worked for me yet....
I'm just really glad that I'm not alone. I blame my problem on my uber-sensitivity and an inability to take criticism lightly in 5th grade. After that, i sort of hid for 12 years....so yeh, that's my story. Thanks for sharing your concerns, cuz i wanted to share mine with someone too.

On my better days, the fat isn't a defense, it's defiance.

Like, check me out, I'm completely not what you dream about and I'm totally beautiful, but you can't see it.

See the fat as a freak flag! Waive it high!

On the rape thing, immediately start learning AIKIDO or Kung FU or some kind of self defense. There are women's classes out there.

Get tough! Don't let the patriarchy get you down!

If you're freaked out by men, they're winning.