Temptation to binge

I was at the library. I felt like binging suddenly. I thought about a bunch of chocolate cookies and munching them. I was full. I ate two pieces of bread and broccoli and cheese and grapes and dates. I was really full, but I imagined me going to Tim Hortons and buy two pieces of cookies and munch them. I did not want to do it, so I went home. I was very tempted to stop by at Starbucks or Tim on the way home, but I did not. I have to pat myself!! I think I felt like munching cookies because I felt very isolated. I was alone at the museum. I was thinking about the conflict I just had with the landlord, but I should not think about it. I should think about something more fun.

Now I need to calm down. I do not want to eat anything tonight because I'm full, and it hurts my stomach if I eat more.

Hey,

Well-done, but how do you think you are going to avoid this situation again in the future? I avoid such things by planning my meals: I have normal meals and then one or two 'bad' meals each week. This allows me to manage both my normal and bulimic lives in tandem. It's not ideal, but it's no coincidence that the past few years have been the most productive of my life (coinciding with when I began the aforementioned method of planning meals).

Hi Chunky,

Late reply...because I have social phobia and I am scared to read replies and answer phone calls.
Anways...

>how do you think you are going to avoid this situation again in the future?
It's a good question. I need to know a coping strategy. I should think how sugar affect my health (like making cavities) in the future when I feel like binging and munching cookies).

I am suger addicted. 10 years ago, my addiction was worse. I used to eat sugar itself. I used to eat one or two cups of sugar. That's so bad for my health. Of course, my weight increased, so I had to starve a few days, that was also bad for my health. While I was binging white sugar in the kitchen, my mind was blank. I didn't need to think about anything. It's like I was having a monster within myself. I had an urge and nobody could have stopped that urge............

Now I still remember my image of binging sugar out of containers standing in the kitchen. It's such a negative image of myself... I want to have more beautiful image about myself, but still this past negative image is chasing me...

>I have normal meals and then one or two 'bad' meals each week
As you say, it might not be ideal, but it's very practical. I kept my ideal meal for a while, but I got frustrated and binged, so having a balance is important, I guess... Maintaining better quality of eating life is possible for now than maintaing an ideal quality of eating life...

I'm suffering, and suffering.
My mother used to order me to eat very fast and quickly.
She did not give me enough time to bite and chew food.
I usually have stomach-ache after eating.
I still follow her orders, because my mom was an absolute existence when I was a child.
I don't like to be so quick-eater. I hate it...


I want to eat slowly and bite well, so that it my stomach does not need to do too much work.

Tonight I felt like binging.
I felt like sitting down in front of TV and watch whatever it is and munch some snacks.
I also felt like drinking alcohol.
I think I was stressed out.
Instead, I binged a fruits (pear).

What stopped me?
I imagined my posture of binging. That's not beautiful.
I want to be beautiful. Even though my dad sexually abused me, I still want to be beautiful.
Even though my dad orally abused me and didn't give me any emotional connections, I still want to be beautiful. Binging is not beautiful.

Also, what worked for me is looking at a candle and breathing.
It helped me a lot. Whenever I have an urge of drinking, binging and shoplifting, I should do this.

You're an amazingly strong person, Gato. Every small success adds up.

Thanks for sharing your journey to getting well with us. I really enjoy reading your insights and how much strength you have.

ladyswan wrote:You're an amazingly strong person, Gato. Every small success adds up.

Thanks for sharing your journey to getting well with us. I really enjoy reading your insights and how much strength you have.

Ladyswan,

I like being praised.
Now I don't have any capacity to hear any opposite opinions or judgements, criticisms.
I like hearing how I am great. thanks...

I was thinking why I was stressed out last night.
I live with a roommate now.
I am communicating with her and I am spending some time with her.
This is amazing for me, because I previously had a roommate, but we did not get along.
It seems I'm getting along with her.
But when I'm getting along with somebody, I feel my boundary is invaded.
I get stressed out.
I feel I have to accept everything she does.
But I don't need to agree or accept everything she does...

I took a bath around 8:00 and finished around 8:30. After the bath, I had a strong urge to binge.
I was going to binge; but first I decided to drink hot water, but it had no taste. I should go to the supermarket tomorrow and buy a lemon.
If I can drink hot lemon water after the bath, it will satisfy my tongue and will stop my craving.

Since I decided to get recovered from binge eating disorder, every day is challenging.
I get disappointed with myself sometimes. I get frustrated with my environment in which I am surrounded by a lot of bad food...

-- Thu Feb 09, 2012 5:34 am --

When I binge, usually a desired to drink accompany...
I wonder why... I want to drink a bottle of wine and get drunk and forget about everything.
I want to binge a tube of pringles and get stomach-ache.
When I get stomach-ache, I get satisfied. I feel satisfaction to hurt myself...

Why do I want to hurt myself?
I want to support myself, but I have myself who wants to hurt myself...

It is very uncomfortable to have such a conflict within myself.

I want to integrate myself...I want to be fully supportive for myself...

To get recovered from binging, I need to confront food.
Honestly speaking, I am scared of food.
The food made me fat.
The food caused me constipation.

I don't know how I should manage the relationship with food.
I'd like to probe the relationship with 'em.

I want to stop eating while I watch TVs and movies because I cannot concentrating chewing and biting.

I want to keep a good relationship with food. This is my desire.

-- Thu Feb 09, 2012 9:10 pm --

Sometimes food talks to me in the supermarket when I'm there for shopping.
THey say "buy me buy me, we are cheap", but I don't need 'em.

I am scared of 'em as I scared of other people.

I have to carefully choose food which gives me necessary nutrition for my body.
As I carefully choose people which gives me necessary support for me.