This is consuming me..

My eating goes in cycles.

I'll go for days without eating anything, then i will binge.

It's like I have these little "deals" with myself.

Starve yourself for 5 days, then eat whatever you want. The cycle goes on and on because I never reach 5 days, I end up getting upset about something and stuffing my fat face.

I don't go out. I don't have a social life.

Basically all my money that I work hard for goes towards food for my binges.

I just can't take it anymore.


I'm sitting here with slashed wrists and junk food wrappers spread throughout my room.

I am a pathetic piece of $#%^.

Hello dirty_business,

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so badly with this problem. It is great that you have had the courage to reach out for support here.

The eating habits you have described sound very much like bulimia. The common misconception about bulimia is that it is all about vommitting and being skinny, which is not necessarily the case. Bulimia is defined by binge-eating followed by extreme compensatory measures (in your case, starving yourself). Please don't think that you are pathetic, you are NOT pathetic, you are suffering from an illness...

I have had bulimia for almost 8 years now and didn't realise that it was bulimia until I came and posted on this forum. I thought similarly to you, that it was just me being pathetic that I would go through this vicious cycle of bingeing, spending loads of money on food, starving myself and other compensating, it was really soul destroying...

There is help. You can talk to a doctor about it. I think it would really benefit you to be able to get some therapy. Have you tried any therapy before?

In the meantime, try to stabilize your bingeing by planning it. You have already identified that you can't make it through 5 days of starving. Try to go for less time starving and plan a day to binge and what foods you will eat. By accepting that bulimia is going to be in my life and planning for it has been the only way for me to start to get a handle on it and feel less defeated by it. I think this could work for you too... What do you think?

Take care,
Lipstick

Hey Lipstick, thanks for replying to my post....

I really didn't think that I was bulimic or anything..


I've had different councilors, psychologists etc since I was about 14, when I started to get depressed.
I've been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.


I haven't really talked to my current councilor about my binge eating.. but I probably should.. it's just getting really bad.

Well it is great that you are already seeing a therapist, that is a really positive thing...

I recently started seeing a psychiatrist and I told him about my bulimia, it was a real weight off my shoulders. I mean, it hasn't fixed the problem or anything yet but at least it's not this massive secret that I am trying to harbour and deal with on my own any more. I think you might find if you told your therapist about your eating problems you would feel a sense of relief on some level too...

I have also got depression and was prescribed an anti-depressant. In the few weeks since I have been taking the med, it has significantly reduced my cravings to binge as well as minimized my depression...

Just keep trying to deal with your problems, you sound as if you are on the right path to receive help, it will just take some time.

Take care,
Lipstick