in the right place?

Hi... completely new to this, but just wanted to get it all off my chest and see what people think?

for the last 3 or 4 years ive been getting on worse and worse with food. it's all i think about, but it's love - hate? like one day i'm in the frame of mind of it's healthy to eat when hungry, to eat modestly and a a little bit of what i fancy, i plan really nice meals and cook recipes etc.
then another day i catch sight of myself in the mirror and say to myself that's not for people like you! and then i'm back on the latest fad diet, the odd laxative and the gym non stop, and that's where it all goes wrong! i tell everyone i'm on a diet, then i just can't go more than 2 days without hiding in my room stuffing myself full until i can't move... like i'll eat a massive dinner, but that's not enough so i get toast and cereal, crisps, then lay there stuffed just feeling grotesque and disgusted with myself. then i get angry and snap at everyone around me and i'm just a horrible person to be around, continue to hide away and eat for days then it's back to the start of the cycle again.

i just don't really know what's wrong with me? i can't let go of the need to diet... i'm 22 and feel like i can't get on with my life until i lose weight. i'm not even overweight and i know that, just tall, lanky on top and have a massive bottom half.

sorry, i've gone on, it's just you bottle these things up and i have no one to really tell

Hey,

I've had a bad relationship with food for the past 4 years too but, look, you already know what the trigger is (looking in the mirror). So, avoid the triggering event and maybe things will become a little easier.

Also, when you are eating 'healthily', are you actually eating enough food? If you are not eating enough, then you will become progressively more starved and will be more likely to binge.

Kevin.