Subject: I Think My Friend Has an Eating Disorder — Trying t

Hey y’all,
I’m not usually one to post stuff like this, but I’ve been sitting with it for a while and I feel like I need to get it off my chest and maybe get some support or advice too.

So, there’s someone close to me—let’s just call her A. Over the past few months, I’ve noticed she’s been acting different. Skipping meals, obsessively checking calories, avoiding any kind of food-related social situations, and lately she’s been making comments about her body that really worry me. She’ll say stuff like “I feel huge today” or “I don’t deserve to eat that,” even though she looks like she’s losing weight fast.

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions at first, but it’s becoming hard to ignore. I’ve done some reading and it honestly seems like she might be dealing with an eating disorder. I’m not a doctor, obviously, but the signs are piling up. So now I’m trying to figure out how to help her without making things worse.

What I’ve done so far:
• I brought it up gently once, just telling her I’ve noticed some changes and I care about her. She kinda brushed it off and said she’s just “being healthy,” but I didn’t push.
• I’ve been making sure to just be present—inviting her to low-pressure things like walks, movies, stuff that doesn’t involve food.
• I’m reading more about EDs and trying to learn how to be supportive without sounding judgmental or like I’m trying to “fix” her.
• I also talked to a counselor on my own, just to get some guidance on how to navigate this, and they reminded me that recovery has to be her decision, but having support really does help.

Honestly, it’s tough. I’m scared for her, but I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I guess I just wanted to share because I feel like this kind of stuff gets hidden a lot and maybe someone else is going through something similar. I’ll keep y’all updated as things go. Hopefully with some progress and healing.

Thanks for reading.

—J

I wish I'd had a friend who would have done that much for me when I was younger. I did find some people who did think that way later on, but it took me a long time to find them and feel seen.

I think what you're already doing is great. Even if she's not wanting to or ready to talk, letting her know you're there if she needs you is a big thing. Knowing you can't "fix" her, is important too- I'm really glad you understand that, because that's a much bigger thing that is best left to the professionals. I often found that I didn't really want to talk to people, but just some non-judgemental company helped. Not necessarily talking, sometimes just having someone sit and be with me was the thing I wanted most. Few people understood that. Often if people pushed me- for information, for answers, for something I was not wanting to share, I would shut down emotionally- I still tend to now.

I think just keep doing what you're doing- non-judgemental and low pressure environments are a good way to go. Sticking by her as a supportive friend.

Something you should know about eating disorders is that it's not totally about food and weight, though it seems that way on the surface. Underneath all that it's all about control. I know that the more things felt out of control in my life, the more I would try to control my weight and eating. It was a distraction from ongoing trauma at the time I couldn't and didn't have the resources to deal with.

The counsellor you spoke with is right though too- recovery and wanting to get help needs to be her decision, but having the support from people around you is a huge help. Make sure you take care of yourself too.