I fell at the first hurdle

I have binged this afternoon. I can't believe it, I feel sick and bloated but I still want to eat more.

This are difficult at the moment, I am living with my in laws as we are in the middle of a house sale and purchase, my mother in law made us all sunday lunch today - proper roast beef dinner. I had a stressful night because my daughter who is three was up every hour to 2 hours, it's weird, if she naps in the day she sleeps all night but if she doesn't nap she wakes 5 - 6 times a night, I tend to jump and see to her right away as I don't want her to disturb my in laws, she was then up at 5.45 and that was that. She has been doing this regularly for over 3 months. Anyway I had my breakfast which was a decent size bowl of cereal. I then didn't eat a thing until the dinner at 1 pm I was so hungry by then I was dreaming of cream cakes and stuffing my face, so I over ate, I had to many potatoes, I also find it hard to say no to my mother in law. Since dinner I have had, chocolate, biscuits, crumpets with syrup on, almost half a cake, 2 packets of crisps, half a packet of cheese biscuits, and a very very large bowl of cereal. I'm ashamed to say this is actually only a mini binge for me, if my in laws werent around I'd do much more damage! Why did I do it? I am bored here, it;s not my house, most of my stuff is packed away ready to move (which should be in 2 weeks I hope). I keep saying I am going to start going running, but it never happens, I am put off now too as a 24 year old girl was murdered not far from here in broad daylight last week, this has shocked our community as things like that never happen here, the murderer has been caught but it makes you think!
We have been arranging a family holiday today, we are planning to go to Florida next year, I can't go like this, I just can't!

How do I turn my life around and beat this? I just don't know.

Oh gosh - living with the in-laws would be enough to make me binge! I have set myself a promise every day and broken it so I kind of know how you feel. Today I decided to set myself just one small goal (to NOT binge). It's been a horrible day, but after months of bingeing every singlle day for months, I have (today) just had my first binge free day. What about setting yourself a smaller goal if that seems too hard for now? Say, you will reduce the amount you binge? Or that you'll get your 5 fruit and veg in? That way, at least if you binge you have still had some good nutrition? I think we need to feel we are successful in order to gain confidence that we can overcome thins and, I am starting to realise that setting realistic goals is part of that. I am trying to tell myself that baby steps will work.

We CAN do this

I feel a bit better knowing that I am not alone! I haven't told anyone about my BED either because most people just don't understand, most people just think it's as simple as going on a diet, losing weight and bobs your uncle you're sorted. Even though I am trying to beat this myself I am going to go and see my GP too.
I am keeping a diary and I've just been thinking about trigger foods, I for example cannot just have 1 biscuit or 1 piece of chocolate, once I get a taste, it starts me on a slippery slope, perhaps it would actually be easier for me to give up chocolate and biscuits completely - out of sight out of mind type thing!
I will have to look at it as baby steps, I am in work for the week now - I find it quite easy in work because food is not easily accessible and I'm busy. Once I get into my new house I am going to have to be strict about what food we have in the house, it's the only way! I am also going to have to come clean with my husband about the extent of my bingeing, earlier on, I asked if he wanted some cake, he said no but if I pretended to bring him a piece I could eat his too! So I did! He doesn't realise.
Good luck, and yes we CAN and WILL do this.
Tomorrow I am not going to binge, I will eat only when hungry and I will not overeat.
Speak soon xxx

I know what you mean about trigger foods. I find it difficult to have bread, crackers or crisps in the house. Lately I have just given into the cravings, which is stupid because I know it makes them even worse! I found when I used to starve that cutting out particular food completely stoppedthe cravings completely. I wouldn't recommend starving yourself though because I'm realising that starving is just as bad as bingeing. Thanks for talking, I needed it.