destroying my young life with social phobia bc I'm fat :(

hi there!
please read !!!!!!


I am 20, from Europe
I've never bin thin. I always had 5-10 pounds to lose, that of course wasn't serious problem, I had seasonal wheight gaining/losing - yo yo effect and warried from 0 to 35 pounds extra... but last 2 years, I only did gaining and never losing, and now i got to point of having 45 pounds too much. I over eat because I am fat, that's my almoust only trigger - i am depressed because i am fat, i don't go anywhere, i don't fit my clothes, my bf is finding me discustingly fat...



I hava a HUGH social phobia because of this, and waisting my life, and of course I can't stop eating. I drop out off collage and for one year haven't had any occupation..


i lost my love, pals, carier because of my looks, i dont think i am serious binger, but i m stuck with just being to discustingly overweight to not have serious phobia's...

Sorry for my english, i am too stressed right now to check my spelling.....


I think that binging has a lot to do with isolating, we swich relating to people and start to have a relationship with food..

i now my problem and core issue, but i am just stuck and i barely go anywhere, my bf left me cause i am just STUCKED and he can't wait any more for me to move from te dead point...... i still love him and always promessing him some changes but always laying, he loved me very much when i was thicker person, more stable, but now, looking like this, acting like this and living this shamefull life - he stopped, he loves the old me still, but i am to unindependent to make it on my own, and still - when he was there for me I didn't make it........ i think it's only my war - because dependency of food can't be really healed with becoming dependent on people, but I don't want to lose him.... and maybe i already did (( and i am opsessed with our relationship and can't relax - I'am 24/7 scared that "this is the day when I lost him forever"
I don't know is it lost forever, sometimes he said it isn't but knowing me and that i wont change it is. Today he left me "forever", it looked forever, but I know that he wishes that i will change but still is moving on with his life...

To make things clear - the reason he is leaving me isn't cause off looks, it's I am really unstable...

I wan't him back, but he doesnt trust me anymore - i hope it isn't over and i will contact him in a month or two when i get back on track and lose atleast 20 pounds.. i am scared it will be already over then..


Say something,


few days from now, i have big and very important social (carier) gathering, and i still have phobia and can't sleep. When friends take pic of me i don't even recognize myself sometimes.

I think I spend to much time living in past when I was really handsome (not being unrealistic - but I was really beautiful...) and not actepting reality that I gained 45 pounds...


HELP!!!!!


i don't know how to fight social phobia till i dont lose wheight...
i'm 5'7 and 170 pounds

Zdravo,

Kako ste? Govorim malo Hrvatski!

I understand the pain that you have, croatia-girl. If I gain weight, my social phobia becomes worse too. I only feel confident when I am thin. This isn't the ideal way to live life, however. Trying to lose the weight to be happy is putting too much pressure on us.


What we must do is accept ourselves and our body for what it is. We should not have to conform to 'thinness'! There are examples of famous people that are not thin. Look at Charlotte Church: She is not super-thin; rather, she looks normal and she is very pretty.


NONE of this is your fault. You have done nothing wrong. We live in a world that tries to tell us what we should look like and how we should live our lives. Do not listen though; live your life the way you want to and don't EVER let anybody tell you what to do.

I will never stop caring.

Take care,
Kevin.

I know I'm possibly talking to myself here because there's a good chance that this would have just not made any sense to me when I was younger, ( I was skinny and miserable when i was younger) but here goes:

People love fat people who are not hung up on their weight.

Girls love them, because most of them feel fat anyway, and they make perfect friends because they don't feel crap around you. (But don't forget, this is their delusion)

Boys love them, surprisingly. I don't know why. But all my fat friends have really good looking and excellent boyfriends.

My skinny friends on the other hand do not have good boyfriends, I think it's got something to do with the fact that boys care more about personality than we think they do and will use good looking girls but hate them if they are irritating.

Lets face it, skinny girls tend to be irritating.

This is just my experience, and it's not my personal experience, it comes from seeing my friends over the years.

My fat friends are happy, secure, and with partners.

My skinny friends are alone, mistresses and still hung up on their bodies.

(I hope they will never read this)

I don't think being fat is a hot-guy magnet. I think it has more to do with sex, and you know, more cushion for the pushin. When we are not having sex, my boyfriend ignores me, sometimes he will ask me to go hang out with him and watch a movie or play a video game, which will end in the result of us having sex. When that is over he goes and smokes and then goes back to playing a video game by himself, etc.
I'm not terribly fat, I weight about 180. I will eventually be huge though if I don't watch what I eat.
My biggest problems are bread, brownies, cookies.
HOWEVER, I've noticed something that can be done about those sweet cravings.
If you like fruit and you like cottage cheese, get the fat free cottage cheese with peaches or something.
FORGET that people say fruit has carbs. That is good. They are good carbs. Also, Kashii has put out boxes of cookies that have healthy grains in them. They are quite tasty and addictive, but they are healthy grains.
Now I do not practice what I preach. Well, I do. But not as much I'd like to. Mainly because the cost of said healthy foods is sky high. So as a result of that I resort to buying the FAST FOODS and the .99 value menus. THat takes me right back down to where I started and I hate myself.
It's hard to eat healthy, but the trick is NOT TO LISTEN TO #######4. Come up with what works for you to be healthy and able to afford it. Natural peanut butter is good, peanuts are good, it's fat that burns and doesn't stick. Honey is the best form of sweetner in the world. Natural honey with no added sugars. Frozen yogurt icecream can be very yummy. There are ways to be able to have sweet foods but not so sugary and not so high in fat. The best thing to do is clean out your fridge and start out fresh.