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i just feel sick today...i thought i'd finally post here....wasn't sure if i should or could....
i thought i was getting in control of my eating habits.....i had one hell of a sick month...then last month i felt like i was getting more in control....and this week..specially after reading happy go lucky's post... i was more in control than ever...i was happy.....plain happy...proud that i had finally started to listen to myself...and wouldnt stuff myself up.....i could finally say...i dont binge anymore..
but i had to mess it up.....all the 'good cheer' i tried to keep crashed....for the past four hours or sumthing all i've done is laze about and eat...little by little...i thought i was hungry...now i'm not sure....was it caus i was depressed...or actually hungry....and i didnt want to back out from dinner because i decided i wouldnt do that again(all the other times i used to binge..in the evening i'd say i wasnt hungry)....and now the last bit of food...i spat it out...i feel sick....my stomach feels strange and sick and i dont miss this feeling....i just had to screw it up...such a waste of time...and i feel so ungrateful...such a glutton...people dont even get one meal a day...and here i am...wasting.....
if i just had no one around me...no one to tick me off...no one...i'd be fine....i could live....i could get over this $#%^.....the more time i spend with my parents...the little time i get alone i binge....i need to get over this.....
i'm gonna go do something worthwhile now....can't sleep feeling this way.........

This last week has been my worst week also; for binge-eating. Right now, I feel exhausted and the acid from my stomach has damaged my nasal passage, my throat, and my teeth. I go through periods of being in-control and periods of being out of control too.


What triggers them for you? For me, the biggest trigger is sheer boredom. I mean, if I am out working or studying I can easily avoid the binge. If I'm at home, it's unavoidable.

Take care my dear,
Kevin.

yeah boredom..thats there....it's like i know i can do something else...and nowadays i can...i just slip sometimes....
you can do that too......the moment you feel bored...just do something...whatever you like...that doesnt involve food...or just get out of the house and go for a walk.....

one thing is i've been studying...and that too the same thing for the past few months for these exams...so that triggers the boredom....and then its people in my life...or maybe just me....i dont know if i'm over reacting...but small things tick me off.....today i'm pretty sure it was because i was holding all i felt in...and didnt find time to release the anger(by punching something or myself normally)...so either i would cut(which i dont think i can get myself to do anymore)..or binge...neither is a good solution i know but i would have preffered to cut than be a waste.....

those periods of control..dont you wish they'd just last...for ever..no more feeling sick in you throat...nothing...the first ite i take i can taste the food..and then later theres no taste all i know is that food's going into my mouth

...hope you feel better soon....i'm taking tommoro as a new day...let's do that.. try and not binge....i keep telling myself this....'balance'...thats all we need to find....

thanx for reading my post kevin.......

Hi, poison, honey! I'm sorry things are a little rough for you right now. I hope you know that you can talk to me about any thing.

jasmine...i'm sure i can talk to you....it's just that there are so many small things that i can do nothing about...except change myself to adjust to whatever disturbs me......sometimes i just feel soo ridiculous.....

Oh, I guess I can feel that way too. I know you can do it, poison, I know you can change and get better

You have exams upcoming? I've just had my exams and I was unbelievably stressed-out for them. I managed to fit my binges in-between exams though. I mean, I actually planned ahead when I would binge - How sad is that?

The periods of control can last if you can accept that you are going to binge. If you accept that fact, then you have greater control over the binge itself and may, in fact, eat less. If, on the other hand, you put-off binging repeatedly, the pressure builds-up inside and you eventually crack.

That is only a temporary solution though; one that I've been sticking by for over a year now. I basically binge every night, but my weight has remained constant because I can control what I eat during the binge itself.


I hope this helps somewhat...


Take care superstar,
Kevin.

oh that's ok if you planned....atleast you won't binge and then wonder...when did i start?..in the first place...means you have control, thats a good thing right?....if you can plan when to binge...you can plan not to too.

replacing the food.....with something healthier...that does help alot....there's even a little less guilt... ..even catering to your cravings...i dont mind having something i really like but the fear is i'll overdo it.....

i know the permanent way is to eat right throughout the day
and eating regularly...you wont suddenly feel hungry and overdo it.....you wont feel the need to binge...i think..but it's tough...and after a binge i try and eat as little or nothing at at all....i try to listen to myslef a little more nowadays....ask myself if i really want more...can i still taste the food......things like that..helps me stop faster....

hey hope your exams went well!...mine's getting over in 10 days and then probably i can have more control over this...
superstar??...alright then....right back at you!!

jasmine thanx for just being there..as always

poisonedcribellum wrote:if you can plan when to binge...you can plan not to too.

That's exactly the way it is for me now: I can plan when to binge and plan when not too. It's completely under control but some weeks, when I'm alone in the house, the binges become very frequent.

As much as I've tried, I cannot eat regularly throughout the day. So I just eat at night, and have a tiny breakfast each morning. I cannot seem to change from this at the moment but at least it's under control.


Take care,
Kevin.

in that case i'm happy for you...atleast there's some sort of balance....maybe gradually u can even it out.......
sometimes i get confused if i'm actually hungry...or just binging...just dont feel stable enough to perceive the difference...like right now.... i thought i felt hungry...and now i dont know if i just binged...gosh...all i can do is just leave it...
take care kevin!