ED or just PTSD nonsense? (*TW*)

*Trigger warning for abuse with regards to food and diet!*

I wasn't sure exactly where to post this?
I have a bad relationship with food, but I don't know if it's bad enough to be called an ED and I'm scared to talk to a doctor about it, what with all the stuff that's already on the table.

My mother would tell me how fat I was as I was growing up, pretty constantly, and say that's why I didn't have any friends/boyfriends. This, in turn made me want to eat more to make myself feel better. My grandmother hated that I was fat as well, saying my mother wasn't a good caretaker. Because we were poor, we relied a lot on my grandmother giving us money.

I felt like because I was fat that she didn't like us enough to give us money and my mother didn't try to make me feel otherwise. Eventually my mother forced me to take diet pills. I lost weight sometimes, and she was very happy. So was my grandmother.

I got sick a lot. I got anemic. I was also on some meds that made me overeat so it was kind of a constant battle for my mother's affection. I could never be thin enough for her, though I never really lost much weight.

Fast forward to today, and sometimes I restrict (starve myself) because I feel fat, disgusting, greedy, like a parasite. This can go on for hours or (rarely, when it's very bad) days.

Afterwards I'll eat a lot. Like, two to four family sized meals a lot. I don't have healthy eating habits even when I'm not like this.

I don't eat most of the day because I usually feel like it's not necessary (like I'm taking too much, like I don't absolutely need to) but by the end of the day I'm just too hungry. Sometimes if I eat too early I'll get nauseous with anxiety.

I'm not sure if this is an ED or if it's more PTSD stuff I have to work on or if it's just unhealthy eating habits or what. I guess I'd like to know people's opinions, experiences, stuff like that. If anyone has any idea.
Like I said, I'm scared to go to a doctor with this. The last time I tried to go for some other symptoms they pretty much ignored it, because we're working on so much.