Years of binging after dieting - finally asking for help

Hi,

I'm new to this forum. I've had problems with binge-eating for about ten years and am only beginning to face up to them now.

My pattern would be to go on an extreme diet for a period of one-two months, lose quite a bit of weight and then begin to binge and put it on again rapidly. The binging would go on for a few (3-6) months, until the next diet would start. While binging, I would eat large amounts of chocolate, sweets, cake, biscuits, any sweet baked goods (I live in germany where these are SO good!), even toast with jam or honey if I couldn't get hold of anything sugary - always in secret. The kilos would come back on, but I would ignore it until it got too much. I was never what I would call fat (at most, a UK size 12, maybe 14).

I have been dieting now for 3 months and have lost at least 10 kilos. I feel great, I love my thin figure and am much fitter than I have been for years. However, my family, friends and fiance have begun to worry as I am now very thin. (I measure 163m/5'4 and weigh 46kg/7.2 stone).

I do not see myself as being too thin but I know that I am underweight. I am terrified that if I begin to eat more I will fall back into the binging cycle. I also have a fear of seeing my weight on the scales rise, after years of yoyo-ing. I still get a sense of satisfaction when the scales reads less than the previous morning.

I have considered seeing a counseller but am wary of therapy, and not sure if it is really necessary or if I can deal with it on my own.

I would really appreciate some advice from others in my situation.

yours hopefully

dd

Hiya

Welcome - I'm pretty new too!

It's good that you say you starting to face up to the problem. I'm trying to tackle my binge eating problems at the moment but I am finding it hard. When I started eating like this about 15 years ago it was after extreme dieting and I did do the feasting and fasting thing for a few years so I can identify with that. In recent years I haven't dieted in an extreme way so much, so I am much bigger than previously. But I know what it is like to binge, put weight on quickly and eat in secret. All things which make you feel horrible. I'm sorry that you have felt this way too.

You mention seeing a counsellor, why not give it a try- what have you got to lose? If you find it is not necessary you can always stop going, but you don't know til you try. I have had counselling in the past and really you still have to do lots of dealing with the problem yourself, it's just giving you a certain amount of support and insight to enable this. I would recommend counselling to anyone, unfortunately I stopped going when it stopped being free for me but I was still helped loads by the sessions I had.

bluemonday
X

Hi,

Thanks for the reply.

I was at home for the weekend and spoke for quite a while to my mother about this for the first time. She never realised that I had a problem with binging, but has recently become concerned since I have lost a lot of weight. It was a strange conversation - I explained to her how after a day at school/college I would eat a fairly healthy snack (a sandwich, soup or something) and then later sneak down to the kitchen to take chocolate bars, biscuits, whatever up to my room. (There was always a large supply of sweets in our home, which didnt help.)

She tried to tell me that it was quite normal to do this, to gorge on chocolate even when not hungry - does anyone believe this, because I dont? She always noticed the "diet periods" but never the binges.

This is a problem that I really want to deal with now. I am finished college, working in a new job, getting married next year so it is the perfect time to get my life in order. I am just worried that it is too much for my fiance to deal with. I hate when he tells me to eat more, because I like to be in control. I hate it when he makes a meal for me without asking, because it ruins my food-plan. I hate the fear of eating and gaining weight.

dd

Hello again

Good to see you back here. In answer to your question, no I don't believe it's normal to gorge on chocolate when not hungry. It sounds like your mother may have some food issues too, it is so often passed on in families. My mother has a really distorted body image, is always dieting and is unable to keep any 'bad' food in the house as she knows she will eat it if she does. But at the same time she doesn't totally understand my eating problems because she has never eaten in such an extreme way.

Did you find the discussion with your mother helpful on the whole? I only ask because I often find this sort of discussion can make me feel worse. But at the same time it can be good to open out to another person, I guess it is the first step to tackling the problem. Have you spoken to any friends about this?

I'm struggling at the moment myself, and really I should take my own advice which is - don't be too hard on yourself. Starting a new job and planning a wedding are major stresses in your life. Don't add to the stress by trying to become perfect so you can be the perfect wife, just look to keep making small steps. And remember your fiance loves you and he is not thinking about how much he has to deal with, just how he wants you to be happy.

bluemonday
X

My mother tends to gorge on foods too but I wouldn't say that she has an eating disorder at all. I think the differennce is that she doesn't feel guilty about the binge/gorge afterwards, whereas people like us would. Perhaps your mother is one that also doesn't feel guilty.

Expanding from that, how often have you heard of 'normal' people talk about gorging on tubs of icecream but to no ill-effect afterwards? I really think it's all just about that feeling of guilt afterwards.


Regarding diets, I'm very sceptical about them because I feel they have very negative connotations. Whenever I hear a person talk about a diet they talk about the foods that they can no longer eat while on the diet. Correct me if I'm wrong but the longer you cease eating one of your favourite foods the more likely you will be to binge on it later (Unless you have excellent self-control).


But, overall, the reason why all these eating disorders are popping-up in modern times is that there is way too much pressure on people to look good. I deeply resent the mass media for that fact.


Kevin.

Hi,

I found the discussion helpful because I had to try to make her understand whats going on. Lately she's just been going on about how thin I've become and how I have to eat more and put on weight. That's a huge deal for me. Putting on weight was always "bad" and never done deliberately. When Im losing weight I check the scales every day or every other day, when I'm bingeing, then never - until I start to diet again.

Anyway, my mother certainly has issues with food - was very thin when younger, still is relatively thin, is often on diets, doing weight-watchers etc. But I wouldnt say it is more than being very body-conscious. She eats well overall, but when she does go overboard on something its more likely to be cheese than sweet things and she has never mentioned feelings of guilt afterwards.

@BM - I havent spoken to friends really. I've spoken to my fiance about this. I'm afraid that it's too much for him though. He was talking about "feeding me" this weekend and I had to explain that he can't tell me what to eat, I need to do this myself. He's started to ask me what I eat each day also - trying to help I know, but I resent having to explain/defend myself. Which is why I want to try counselling.

Re: the media. I downloaded and watched the program "Louise Redknapp - The truth about size zero" last night. What an eye-opener - the scary thing was I could relate to a lot of the things she said. I think it should be shown in schools so that everyone realises the dangers of extreme eating - although, would knowing the dangers make us act differently?

dd

dubdoll wrote:I think it should be shown in schools so that everyone realises the dangers of extreme eating - although, would knowing the dangers make us act differently?

Unfortunately, it has been shown in the past that they don't make us act differently. The perfect example was on this website about a year ago when some member posted an image of a girl slumped over a toilet-seat, dead. She had just purged. Every person who saw that picture said that they would change but when the shock disappeared it was all back to normal. Shock tactics don't work.

By the way... ...I understand how your fiancée's attempts to help you are frustrating/angering you. For me, there is nothing worse than someone trying to help when they really don't understand.

Kevster.

Hiya

I'm not sure that knowing the dangers would make us act differently either. The trouble I find is that I refuse to believe I am damaging myself, the danger always is for other people. I would need some sort of wake up call about my own health being damaged rather than hearing about someone else's problems. Maybe I am quite a selfish thinker like that though.

I also saw the Louise Redknapp documentary. It was pretty shocking and I think it portrayed the problems well. But I found it weird that she was talked of as a curvy role model before when she was still pretty slim and obviously was careful what she ate - I think our perceptions of the norm are quite skewed now.

bluemonday
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Hey Dubdoll. I agree with Chucky that it must be frustrating that your fiance is trying to help but not really understanding. Is there any way that you can help him to understand? Perhaps say what support you would like from him (eg reassurance) and what is not helpful (eg asking what you have eaten that day). He will come to a greater understanding of what you are going through as time goes on, but anything you can do to help him in this process will benefit you too (perhaps you could put him on to a family support group or some reading material?)

bluemonday
X

Sorry, what was this L. Redknapp documentary about exactly? I never thought that she was one with eating problems because she never looked as gaunt as Vic. Beckham or other celebrities.