binge or something more?

Every hour of every day I think about food. There's a constant nagging voice in the back of my head that practically screams "EAT". I am overwhelmed by my desires. The only thing that gets me through the school day is my Vyvanse. Without my medication, I can easily eat a good 3,000 calories over what I burn. I don't just binge during certain periods of time, I binge EVERY time I eat (without medication) and the craving doesn't go away. I want to just eat and eat until I make myself puke and then do the whole cycle all over again. I'm only a freshman and have my whole life ahead of me. I constantly count my calories and obsess over the way I look. My diet and addiction is taking over my entire life. I've had this eating demon inside me since I was around 5. What can I do to get it to go away? Is there any hope, or will this burden grow as time goes on?

Dear hugging. Trust me- there is hope. Although, you might not be able to see it yet. I know how that feels. I've been there, too. I've struggled with anorexia and then BED for the past 5 years. And it sucked!

Like you I also constantly obsessed about how I looked, how much I weigh, ... it always has been focused on my appearance - although I'm really not a superficial person. I mean, I don't care how much my best friend weighs, I love her no matter what.

It took quite some time until I not only understood that cognitively but also believed in what I was telling myself. What really helped me doing so was the following exercise I did with my therapist:

1) Set up two chairs facing each other and sit down on one of them
2) Imagine you're talking to your best friend/mum/someone who really loves and cares about you (visualize them sitting on the chair in front of you)
3) When the negative, mean and hating self-talk starts (criticizing your weight, bodyshaming, etc..), stand up and change to the other chair
4) put yourself into the other persons shoes: what would they tell you? be specific, use their tone and way of speaking

Do you restrict calories? Certain food groups? Do you have fear foods?

Warmly,
M.

What if I told you that the physical weight you’re carrying is simply a representation of the emotional weight you’ve been carrying?

What if I told you that it has way less to do with the caloric deficient and more to do with the emotional release of stories, beliefs and baggage?

I’m not saying I’m right or this is the case for you, but I want you to explore it.

I ask you to be courageous and brave – be present and intentional. Tap into your body and get curious about emotional wounds. There is a world of possibility and growth laying dormant within you waiting to be explored and released.

Then, and only then, will true, sustainable transformation happen.

xo
Samantha