Need help/advice/support !

Hey there everyone! I have BPD and although I have the weirdest eating habits, I never had the courage to talk about them to anyone apart from recently, when I've been reading a lot more about BED. Still not professionally and only to a friend.. but it's still a step for me!

I've been binge eating for about 10 years now - I'm 22. My parents got divorced when I was around 9-10 and my dad left, I never saw him as he worked abroad, and my mum, who I'd spent a lot of time prior to this, then had to go back to work full time and worked all day, 8am-8pm kind of thing. From a young age I spent a lot of time in my house by myself, I locked myself away from interaction from everyone and closed myself off. But I ATE. I would take money out of my mum's purse, the guilt was overwhelming but I'd go to the shop and spend it all on food and sit there and devour all of it. I'd feel sick, sometimes I'd be sick, but I'd carry on.

Fast forward ten years and I'm still here. I have off and on months where it's worse than others, I always do it but some months it's every few days and some it's every week. I've developed a system where I'll binge massively then regret it so much and 'punish' myself by not eating for a few days unless I'm forced to by going out to eat with friends/family/etc, but then I'll be triggered by my BPD and feel so awful inside that I'll bury myself in food again - on repeat.

I've always just seen myself as an emotional eater but never really seen it as anything more severe than that. Recently I've forced myself to take a step back and realise the extent of damage I've done to myself through this and that it has to be more than me just having a bit of chocolate when I'm sad.

So far I've told a really close of mine and although she's quite supportive, I don't think she really got it. I'm scared that people in my life are going to be like this, does anyone have advice to counter this? I'm building up to telling my therapist about it, which should have happened a long time ago but I've had a really hard time just opening up to myself about this. Any tips for opening up to people about it? Maybe through buying them a book or something?

What I'd kind of like would be to talk to people going through the same if not similar thing? If anyone wants to buddy up etc. I don't know how it works but hopefully like this! I'm feeling quite lonely right now.

Hey Day,

I'm sorry I didn't stop by sooner. In case you return...

First of all, I am glad you realize there is a problem, beyond emotional eating. That's a huge step.

Having BPD makes things that much more difficult, as it was for me - I have OCD and other things. The OCD and BED worked together to make me miserable.

But I have finally seen the light, and things are moving along.

Anyway, I would seriously talk to your therapist first, before you open up to others. I assume you are seeing them for BPD, and that you trust them. By doing so, they may help you roll out a strategy to telling others.

I will bookmark this thread and feel free to PM if you like,

Otter.