Help Keep Me Out Of The Kitchen!!

Hi...trying to figure out where to begin...

First of all, I haven't been officially diagnosed, I just know I have a real problem. I know I have some type of ED I just don't know what. I pulled up info on BED, Bulimia, and Compulsive Overeating and I meet the description of BED more than anything. Can't say Bulimia because I don't purge, however I do fast regularly after a binge and that is one of the symptoms, so IDK. Just confused here but too afraid to go to my doc about it.

Anyway, I have been sitting here in pain for hours! My stomach hurts so bad because I had another binge! And still all I can think about is going back to the kitchen in search of something else to satisfy me when there is not a thing in there that IS going to satisfy me! Even dumber is that it is a quarter to 3 AM where I am and I should be in bed sleeping! Can't sleep though. I'm an insomniac for one, for two I am all alone down here and free to graze for anything I want and the rest of the family would be none the wiser.

I just need some guidance here. I do not want to eat anymore. Shouldn't the solution here be simple? Not hungry = Stop Eating. So what's my problem?!

Something else I want you all to know about me. I have lost 133 lbs in 12 months (since last January). I learned to fast so yes, about 90 lbs of that was pretty much fasted off. I feel like this is a blessing turned curse because I don't know when to quit sometimes. One would think I'd have it all together now after having lost so much weight so quickly but that couldn't be furthest from the truth!

Sure, I feel in control when I'm not eating and the lbs. are melting away but I am in this horrible cycle now of eat till I'm physically ill then fast for days (or weeks) straight. I feel even less in control now than when I first began. I feel it's all come to a head and if I don't get some kind of help soon it is all going to be stumbling downhill from here.

*sigh* All this is pretty personal coming from someone new and none of us even know each other. Yet you already know more about me than my own family knows about me!

I guess what I am asking for here is your support, guidance, advice, talk me away from the kitchen... Even if I don't hear anything back tonight do not worry, I will be back because it is becoming a nightly thing with me.

Thanks for listening!

*sigh* NM

last night I sank and so did tonight. thanks anyway

I'm sorry nobody was able to help stop you at that time. I hope you are coping better now. I don't know what advice I can give you because even though I spend hours convincing myself with ten thousand good reasons why not to go into the kitchen for more food, I usually end up doing it. And during my walk to the kitchen, and each action it takes to get my food out of the cupboard or fridge, I am thinking nothing. It's like I'm on autopilot. Immediately after the first bite, however, I'm stricken with guilt and shame but I always "make it better" by thinking I'm beyond help anyway, so what does it matter? I no longer really care, and that is what scares me the most.