New to forum - looking for a buddy who is in a similar spot

Hello everyone,

I'm new to this forum and looking for someone who is in a similar place in his or her recovery as I am to share success and struggles with.

My background:

I am a 26 year old female, self employed accountant, live by myself in a condo. My disordered behaviors started at a very young age (I have memories of binging and dieting as young as . I was stuck in a diet mentality for a very long time and also suffered from bulimia for a short while.

A couple years ago my dad had a mild stroke and it triggered me to obsess about "health" even more and I went 21 days without eating anything food, only liquid juices if I had to. I had occasionally gone to extremities such as this before, but that time was the beginning of the end. I realized a couple months after that I had a problem.

I began reading about intuitive eating and it made a lot of sense to me. I slowly dropped the diet mentality and tried to practice natural eating. I ended up gaining 40-50 pounds in a few short months (within 6 months for sure, I never actually weighed myself, but I know it is around that mark). Intuitive eating was a piece of the puzzle, but there was obviously a lot of work left to do, as I was able to stop using restrictions, but turned to using only food to cope. In turn my body image went way down, and it is still difficult to look at myself in a photo, or a mirror that isn't my own.

Once I had used up all my resources I realized I needed professional help. At the time I saw this as a failure, but now I see it as the BEST thing I could have done for myself, finally a real act of self care.

I have been in CBT with an excellent counselor for 6 months and I've experienced great progress. I spent a large part of my life experiencing a great deal of anxiety and phobias and now I operate on a generally low anxiety level 97 percent of the time. I didn't expect to cure my anxiety in therapy, or that it was even possible (I always thought I'd have to live with it and manage it).

After 2 months, because the anxiety was gone, I got a huge high and didn't binge for about a month and a half. I felt amazing the whole time. However, a problem came up and I had a relapse, which was confusing, disappointing, and upsetting.

I am still binging frequently and am digging a bit deeper and trying to figure out why that is with my counselor. Therapy has done wonders for me and I will continue to stick to it because I know that eventually I'll recover (well, most if the time I know :p but a lot of the time I still wonder if I ever will).

I'm looking for someone who has surpassed the diet mentality stage of the eating disorder, as talking about dieting and losing weight is very triggering for me still and frustrates me easily. I'm looking for someone who is or has had professional help, especially experience with cognitive behavioural therapy.

I am certainly not above anybody in any stage of their eating disorder as I have been and still return to the earlier stages of it myself over and over again even after all the work I've done. I'm just looking for someone who is in a similar place that I am, or someone a few stages ahead to provide me with some reassurance that I cannot give myself all the time.

Thanks very much for listening!

-Myrmade

I am still struggling but have not had professional help, so I'm not sure if that falls outside of the criteria you are looking for. Still, good luck with everything.

Otter.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling lately. I'm a 24 year old female and I've had issues with eating disorders in the past, and I had recovered from the worst of it, but the anxieties that were the root of it to begin with are still often there for me. I generally deal with it the best I can and try to remain positive and push through. Recently though I've been having a difficult time getting out of an emotional eating rut because of general stress. I'm making progress, but it's been slow.

I'm not receiving any professional help but I'd be happy to be a buddy to offer support however possible feel free to message me.

Thanks so much for responding! I've private messaged both of you but it's still sitting in my outbox for some reason haha

Hi Myrmade,

I am 31 and have done a fair bit of therapy over the years. I have also read plenty about overcoming eating disorders. I have not sat with a CBT therapist specifically but I have done some research on CBT and do use some CBT techniques to help me. I also find mindfulness and meditation helpful. However despite all of this I do still binge eat. I am more aware of what I am doing when I am doing it though. And I am learning how to sit out urges to binge and am having some successes with that.

It would be great to be in touch with someone at a similar point in there journey. I believe that full recovery is possible and will continue to move towards that vision until I get there.