How can I help my child?

I am new to this forum, looking for suggestions on helping my very bright/creative almost-10-year-old daughter....based on my reading, it seems as though she may have a binge eating disorder. She eats large amounts of food very quickly, stuffing her cheeks, can't seem to exercise any control. Then after having eaten more than two adults at the table, she will sneak back to the kitchen and eat large amounts of food straight out of the pan or the fridge. I find empty food containers and hidden food in her room. She cleverly turns her penchant for overeating into a comedy routine when talking with her father (who lives out of town) on the phone.

At her pediatric check up 8 months ago, the doctor told me that she is about 20 pounds above normal in weight. Doctor said to limit junk/fried foods etc. & get her to drink a glass of water before meals. Well, I keep mostly healthy foods in the house anyway, and try to remind daughter to drink water before meals, but this doesn't change the binge behavior.

I've tried to encourage her to slow down and chew, without making too much of an issue of the whole thing. I asked her to tell me what she was thinking about once, when she sneaked into the kitchen and finished half a pan of leftover food after we had all eaten dinner. She told me that she did it "for attention." I explained to her that if she wants attention, she can always come to me and tell me and I will give her all the attention she wants. In fact, she is often the center of attention anyway, because she is an only child.

I am a single mom; I am an intelligent and thoughtful person and I am trying my very best to be a great parent to my girl. I have a healthy relationship with food & maintain a healthy weight, although I am not a "sporting" type. But it's hard not to feel that her behavior is somehow my fault.

Her bingeing behavior continues, and I observe it happening at least several times a week. This has been going on for over a year.

I'm concerned about the health effects, and the effects on her social development, and whether she might be depressed. We were in therapy briefly when she was 5, over her father's attempts to manipulate her emotionally. The therapist determined at that time that she was not suffering from any mental illness. At that time, she was not exhibiting the binge behaviors either. I am concerned that if I take her to a therapist again, her father will create trouble. He did not approve of my taking her when she was 5 and took me to court. I cannot afford to be sued right now.

What is the best way to help my child deal with & overcome this problem? Any ideas out there?

There is a 'disorder' whereby individuals are unable to know when to stop eating. It is a genetic flaw and it manifests itself as obesity later in life obviously. If this is not the case then I'm thinking that there is either something that is really bothering her and she's not revealing it OR that her body is having difficulty mainting hormonal balance. Did your doctor take blood samples from her? - Did your doctor even appear to care about your worries for your daughter?


Another problem is this:

I've tried to encourage her to slow down and chew, without making too much of an issue of the whole thing

That's what you said in your post and I have an issue with that. You need to be more stern. Kids do not learn by having an easy life - They need stern figures in order to know that what they are doing is wrong. I fear that too many parents nowadays are too gentle with their children. The result is a modern spoilt generation of young adults that have never truly matured into responsible ones.


Kevin.


*Edit* - Whilst saying that I am in no way implying that your daughter is spoilt or that you are inept as an adult. Take care.

Thanks Kevin, for your interest. You make good points...I asked about thyroid testing, and the doctor said she did not see any signs of a problem with thyroid. After advising me to limit the fried foods & junk foods, and suggesting more physical activity for my child, she also advised me not to "worry" as some children who are heavier at this age grow up to be thin, while thin children sometimes grow up to have weight problems. Regarding my observation about eating too fast, she suggested having her drink water before meals, as I mentioned previously. Overall, the doctor didn't seem overly concerned about the child's weight. Should I be?

I understand what you're saying about stern discipline, as far as table manners are concerned. But the times when I've disciplined her about table behaviors, she will later sneak food into her room & scarf down large quantities. It's only later that I discover what she's done. My instinct has been to ease up & not make food/mealtime into a power struggle.

My concern is how to help her eat consiously, stop when she's full, and my hope is that she will have a normal relationship with food. It's really hard to know whether I am doing all I can as a parent.
I'd like to know if there is something I should or should not be doing under the circumstances.

Thanks again for your input!
Cheryl

Whether you should or should not be concerned is unknown to me but I do know that if I was a parent then I would be concerned about every single thing my child does! It's a natural thing I suppose.

I don't see how the doctor could know by mere external examination whether or not the thyroid is functioning abnormally. Sure, the thyroid grows large in two cases:

1) Iodine deficiency
2) Overactive gland... ...However, it doesn't necessarily have to grow noticeably larger in order for it to be overactive.

Oh, another point that is medically related: What type of food does she eat - Sugary? Is she showing symptoms of Type-1 diabetes?


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I'm always sceptical about overanalysing things because I feel it brings more problems than are there... But again, if I was a parent, I'd be worrying too. My whole speech in my first post was based on the fact that my parents try to spoil me but I go against them - I refuse their money and I chip-in with the groceries. hehe


Kevster

You have some very good points. I think that I will arrange to at least have her thyroid tested. It can't hurt to see what the results are. As for diabetes, yes she is very drawn to sugary foods (I guess lots of kids are) but I do not provide much of that in the home--don't buy sodas, packaged snack foods, or any of that & homemade desserts are only an occasional thing at home. But it would probably be wise to rule out diabetes too. So thanks for the ideas! This has helped me form an approach to the situation.
Cheryl

It was all no trouble at all. Take care and happy Christmas to you and your family.

Kevin.

Cheryl, I cannot help but see a mirror of my own story in your daughter's behavior. I'm 40 years old and have had issues with compulsive overeating since about 5 years of age. It really accelerated just before puberty. My mother tried a lot of the same things you did, like taking me to doctors and trying to get me to stop eating junk. All that happened was that I got sneakier about how I ate so she would think I had cut back on food. It never solved the problem, it just pushed it underground.

I would encourage you to consider that there may be an emotional reason for your daughter's overeating. 10 is a tough age -- both physically and socially. And she may be having a hard time working through the emotions she's experiencing. The food helps her feel in control of those feelings.

I also have to say that I have hypothyroisdism. It was officially diagnosed when I was 25, but I believe it started when I went throught puberty. I was a stick-thin child who balloon at puberty -- well not really ballooned, but I gained about 20 lbs. that no amount of effort could help me lose. Some of the symptoms of hypothyroid: weight gain, difficulty losing weight, depression, fatigue, hairloss, dry skin, difficulty thinking clearly and sometimes anxiety.

Best of luck in your search for help!
Take care,
Bonnie

Bonnie, Thank you for giving me your insight. Do you think that I should take her to a psychologist? Or could there be another way to help her deal with her feelings?

As for the thyroid, I think that we will definitely get that tested. Although she doesn't exhibit all of the signs you mentioned, I think it would be best to have it checked.

Thanks so much
Cheryl

Cheryl, I think it would be worthwhile to take your daughter to a psychologist. If you could bring her to one that specializes in adolescent eating issues, that would be all the better. In my opinion the key is to make her feel like it's a very normal thing to do. Adolescents don't want to be stigmatized, so she might get really upset. Perhaps if you let her know it would make YOU feel better if she at least went once, that would help her decide to go. My mother IS a psychologist, so that tells you that not all of them would be helpful. I would start by calling her school nurse or counselor and ask them for a referral. They might even have a school psychologist who could be the first person to talk to her. My son's elementary school has a school psychologist who regularly visits with kids that are having issues.

Also, while they're checking her thyroid, have them check her adrenal gland function. A lot of time excessive stress can cause diminished adrenal gland function, and from personal experience I can tell you that this causes overeating. It messes with the blood sugar levels causing excessive cravings for carbs.

I hope you find something that helps! I know how hard it is to be a parent, but it sounds to me like you're doing an amazing job of loving your daughter and doing what you think is best for her.

Take care,
Bonnie

Hey Bonnie,
Thanks so much for the encouragement! Feels like I have more of a direction now....Best wishes to you & yours,
Cheryl