It's Over

I quit. I quit today. I already feel better.

I'm done with binging, I'm done with diets, I choose health and happiness and it starts today.

Yesterday found me at the grocery store, picking up all my favorite treats, knowing full well that I would go home and Eat It All. Just like always. And start my diet tomorrow, right? And I did exactly that, except today I did not start my diet, I took a good hard look at my behavior and asked myself "why do I do this to myself?" A light bulb went off and I went and revisited some sites and reviewed some information that helped me put an end to a different addictive behavior over 8 years ago.

8 1/2 years ago I was an alcoholic. Not the 'hide the vodka in the laundry basket' kind of alcoholic, but the kind that when I drank, I could not have just one glass of wine, i had to drink til it was all gone. I liked being drunk. The end came one day when I woke up violently ill after 3 glasses of white wine. I spent the morning with my head in the toilet, and the scariest part was that for the first time my hands were shaking and I couldn't get them to stop. When I could stand up without throwing up I went onto the computer and googled "quit drinking" and the rest is history. I found a website, a forum, help. I read about AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Training), I quit that day and have never had another drink and never will.

BUT that Addictive Voice, my Beast within, is a tricky little bugger. She woke up, put on a new dress and sent me to the grocery store. I've turned my addictive personality to food, I use food comas to forget about the bad things in my life. And you know, the past 3 years have been rough. *mod edit* worth of rough. As I read this morning, I couldn't believe the feeling that came over me, the recognition of why I do what I do.

I'm strong, I'm tough and I will do this. I'm quitting today and this my journal to recovery. This is me admitting for the first time, to anyone, that I struggle with binge eating.

I hope to make friends along the way and to help others achieve success as well. No more "setting my hair on fire", see I already learned something here!

Hi and congrats on your recovery. It's wonderful that you've made a conscious decision to improve yourself - that is a hard step to take. I hope you will let us know how you are doing and keep us posted on your recovery.

I did edit out numbers from your post per ED forum rules. We just like to keep this a numbers free zone to avoid triggers. No big deal, just FYI.

Congrats again!

I was a binge drinker and I kicked that. Now I need to kill the other beast. Good luck!

Hi wqb,

it's nice to have you here. I totally relate to your story and I loved the way you wrote it. Please, keep journaling. It helps. It helped me, at least ...