Terrified of backsliding

(without trying to sound too dramatic!!) This is my first post on this site, but one of my last hopes of reaching out for some help...I am 19, and have a history of disordered eating..when I was 14 I developed anorexia, then whan I was 16, became a bige eater, and ended up weighing just under 200 lbs. After going to college, I got serious about the way I felt about being insecure and ashamed of and embarassed with my "new," oversized, unhealthy body; and I began the process of losing weight. I ate healthier, exercised (walking around camus helped!), and lost 70 lbs in just over a year. but then something happened...I went home for the summer...my parents (who were proud of me, but never knew the full extent of my struggles) and I went on trips and had a blast, but we also centered much of our fun around food. Now I'm back at school, about 10lbs heaver than when I left, and I feel differently than I did when I was here three months ago... I can't get back into my old, healthy routine. I just want to eat junk food...food I normally wouldn't want to have in the house, precisely because it triggers those oh so menacing binges...now I'm up about 20 lbs, and can't bear the thought of going back to the way I was...but I can't seem to get going on a healthy track...or stop this unhealthy one...I'm so confused and anxious...it makes me want to binge more....plus, school is really stressfull... I realize (while I'm in the process of bingeing, even) that the food isn't makeing me feell good...but it's like once i start, I can't stop...sry for the length of this post..I just don't know what to do.

Hey,


You mentioned stress and I think that has a big part to play here. With this in mind I think you should slow your life down somewhat. What exactly are the things that stress you? - Once you recognise them you need to devise ways of getting around (Or avoiding) them.


The eating problem is probably too much for you to cope with directly right now so call a truce with it. Relax, and let it overcome you. I think that once you are relaxed whilst 'binging' that you will actually begin to binge on less and less food.


Kevster

jettagurl18 wrote:(without trying to sound too dramatic!!) This is my first post on this site, but one of my last hopes of reaching out for some help...I am 19, and have a history of disordered eating..when I was 14 I developed anorexia, then whan I was 16, became a bige eater, and ended up weighing just under 200 lbs. After going to college, I got serious about the way I felt about being insecure and ashamed of and embarassed with my "new," oversized, unhealthy body; and I began the process of losing weight. I ate healthier, exercised (walking around camus helped!), and lost 70 lbs in just over a year. but then something happened...I went home for the summer...my parents (who were proud of me, but never knew the full extent of my struggles) and I went on trips and had a blast, but we also centered much of our fun around food. Now I'm back at school, about 10lbs heaver than when I left, and I feel differently than I did when I was here three months ago... I can't get back into my old, healthy routine. I just want to eat junk food...food I normally wouldn't want to have in the house, precisely because it triggers those oh so menacing binges...now I'm up about 20 lbs, and can't bear the thought of going back to the way I was...but I can't seem to get going on a healthy track...or stop this unhealthy one...I'm so confused and anxious...it makes me want to binge more....plus, school is really stressfull... I realize (while I'm in the process of bingeing, even) that the food isn't makeing me feell good...but it's like once i start, I can't stop...sry for the length of this post..I just don't know what to do.

I think the fact that you are being so strict, and trying to diet makes you want to eat more... At least that is the case with me. I am either very "good" (most of the time) or very "bad." It's this mindset that I am trying to beat. I am trying to stop the calorie-counting that has consumed my life for years. I am trying to eat healthy, in moderation, to exercise in moderation, and let my body takes me to where it will. It's hard to not be consumed with food, but think of all the things you can concentrate on when food isn't your life! Hope this helps. I do understand-- I'm struggling too. I have dealt with anorexia/binging issues for 7 years now. I've either been obsessed with eating perfectly or eating like I won't get to tomorrow. But I for one, want to live a normal life, and it sounds like you do too.