My first post on this site

Hello All,
I finally decided that I needed some help with my binge eating problem. I have been in the psych field for 20 years. I used to think that having mental health issues should preclude one from working in this field, but now I know that it is a prerequisite. I am saying that if you haven't BEEN there, you probably won't understand this stuff, and Hey..been there, done that.
But right now I would love some support and discussion with other people who have this problem.
I have had food problems since I was 15. I am now 48. I have had bulimia, and anorexia before anyone even heard the words. My weight had gone up to obesity and down to scrawny. Last year I lost 35 lbs. For the past 6 months I have been going to the gym 5 days a week. I work out hard and really love it. I am getting pretty strong. But still want to lose about 5 more lbs and there is the problem. My old binging is coming back..I am crying as I write this. I eat well then, get mad at myself for something, or get scared, or GO OVER my limit and fall into the ..."Well, I already screwed up so I might as well eat.." You know.
I try not to be so harsh with myself but history overtakes me and I fall into a hole and then I eat. For a while it feels good but the next day it never feels good. I know I have gone on for a long time. Guess I have a lot to say.
I was abused as a child, molested... and other stuff. When I PIG OUT I feel like I have lost myself, I cannot find the beginning or ending of who I am, and Iknow the old abuse is part of that.
Life is actually pretty good: great husband, wonderful family and friends, big dog, nice home ...except when this stuff gets to me.
Isn't it stunning how an eating disorder can blind you to the beauty and safety in the world?
..
Thank you for listening!

Sunflower57 wrote:Isn't it stunning how an eating disorder can blind you to the beauty and safety in the world?

That certainly is stunning and, like you, I know that the world is a wondrous place. Having had bulimia for so long do you consider it to be just one of those quirks of your life - Something that will always be there? Or, do you ever aim to be rid of it?


My binges were out of control for a period of about a year up until recently. I have now managed to control the binges, however. What I mean by this is that I have accepted that I will binge and in that 'acceptance' I can find control over the binge. As such, it is not really a binge at all.


Wow, the word 'Binge' was mentioned five times in that last paragraph!


Take care,
Kevster