Wife's eating disorder

My wife is almost 50 and I am almost 60. We have been married for 3 years. We met at work and dated for a year before marrying. I thought I knew her bacground well. After we married she began telling me things I did not know. The first thing she confessed was suffering from depression. The second thing she confessed was having a sexual affair with a man I knew (this was before we became involved) who injured her during sexual intercourse. As a result of her injuries she almost died from blood loss. Her first version of this injury was the man raped her. Later she told me the truth, it was consentual sex. Now I am discovering she binge eats and purges sweets. We have no sex life. She often sleeps in the quest bedroom. Any sexual advances I make she finds an excuse not to offer any cooperation. She also has been diagnosed as having Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.

I need help to help her. Any suggestions ? I am open to anything.



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This is a stumper. First i would not believe a word she says. Go see a theripist. This might not be a keeper.

She is probably very afraid of sex because last time she was abused. I don't care if it was consentual-- if the man didn't stop while she was bleeding to death, it WAS rape.
She might be afraid that you will abuse her if she consents to sex. A lot of women develop this eating disorder after being sexually abused because they accept the guilt for what happened to them, blame themselves for being a victim, and want to punish/comfort themselves with food.
Please, if you care at all for your wife, show her that you care for her and you will never harm her and will always respect her boundaries regarding sex. The last man didn't stop when he should have-- she may have even asked him to stop. Her boundaries were invaded, and she probably felt so scared and out of control and victimized.
PLEASE take her to find a good therapist, so she can get through this. She is calling out for help with this food thing. You need to be there for her right now. This is way more important than your sex life.

I agree with the entry above but need to add one thing, go to therapy together! If you really care then that is the best way to do it don't expect her to do something you are not willing to do even if in her best interest. Going into therapy with her will help you figure out not only how to help her but how to support her (even when you think she is pushing your support away) as well. The no interest in sex could be what the person above said but also being 50 she could be going through menopause (or premenopause) on top of the bad sexual experiences she has had. If you love her then be patient caring and supportive.

Well if she is depressed, she may not be feeling good about herself. She may be binge eating as a result of her stress (which is very common), and may lie about her past because she ashamed of it. If she had consensual sex and was injured she may be blaming herself for it and therefore wants to hide it. She doesn't want it to be true, so she doesn't want to tell you. If she is depressed she probably does not feel attractive and does not feel sexual or feel the desire for sex. I think that a big part of it is self esteem and depression issues and that therapy might be a good idea. Once she realizes that she doesn't need to be depressed, that you love her and care about her, and she doesn't need to be ashamed about her past hopefully things will go better for the both of you!