Binge eating

Hi,

this is the first time I've ever posted anywhere like this and I consider it a step.

I've been looking at a lot of ED info on the net these past few weeks, because I feel like I'm spiralling out of control.

I binge eat, usually at night time. I will just stand in the kitchen and put everything I see in my mouth. For example, I was good all day today watching what I ate. I laid down to go to sleep, and just couldn't bear it anymore. Before I knew it, I was standing in front of the fridge. I ate spoonfulls of Cool whip, chips and salsa, a spoonfull of tuna noodle casserole, 3 rolls, a little debbie snack and a diet pepsi, all in about 15 minutes. Now I'm completely kicking myself and feel like I'm just sick and hopeless. If I could bear to do it, I would be making myself throw up right now.

I never considered myself to have an eating disorder because, well, I'm fat. I am about 5'6" and weigh 230 pounds. I know, its disgusting. I just always thought it was normal, I guess, to always think about how fat I was and how gross I look.

I look into the mirror, and I'm just disgusted with what I see. All the time. 99% of my thoughts every day lie with how fat I am and how much I love to eat, but at the same time loathe eating because I'm just so hideously fat.

I'm not looking for sympathy or judgment, I need help. I need advice. I'm miserable. I want to be thin, but I just eat and eat and eat. Food/weight is all I ever think about.

I've seen a therapist, and I hated every second of it. I even switched therapists a few times, but each time it was just horrible. It didn't help me one bit. I'm also on anti-depressants, and also.. not helping this issue.

So many People act like its so simple. "If you want to lose weight, eat right and exercise." Yeah, it seems simple. and I can do that. It's the binge eating i just can't control. Constant thoughts of food. Fat. Fat. Fat.



If you have read this far, I really thank you. This is the first time I've ever just come out and admitted all of that.

Anything you'd like to tell me, I'd greatly appreciate input. thank you.

Hi There,

My name is Lynn, what is your first name? I can't write at the moment, but wanted to let you know I will tomorrow. I can sympathize with your feelings immensely. Talk with you soon.

Thank you for posting that message. Putting those feelings in writing is a huge step in the right direction.

What I do is check my feelings. What am I feeling, what just happened, what's triggering this, am I physically full, is there anything else I can do that will give me comfort?

Just by checking in with yourself, you start to see patterns of why you're bingeing. Also if you can focus for just a second on your feeling then you might be able to stop eating long enough to realize you're eating to shut your emotions down.

Even if you can't stop right away, dealing with the emotions behind it is a path I'm on to find some healing.

I do recommend finding a good therapist, though it hasn't worked for you in the past, keep trying. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding someone you can relate to. The reason I recommend this is because it has worked for me. About the anti-depression meds, that can be a tricky thing at first. What works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. I've been on just about every anti-depression med available at one time or another, but now I've found one that works great for me. Seriously, if it were not for the therapy and medication, I would have committed suicide years ago.

Remember that it DOES get better. You will not feel this way forever.

Thank you both for your posts. I appreciate them immensely.

At the moment, I'm just in a treading water phase. I don't know what to do, or how, or where to go... so I'm just hanging out. This can be good, yet bad.

As a further glimpse into my trials ......

the last 2 years of my life have been, to say the least, extreme. I've been in two different psychiatric wards for suicide attempts - the last one very extreme. (if i wouldn't have been found... well, you know.)


It seems as if my life is a constant roller coaster, and I try to fix it with food. I know i should probably be in therapy, but the whole idea, especially having so many failed attempts, just puts me off.

I just feel - like all these things in life I can't control, eating should be something that i CAN. yet, I still can't control my eating/body image issues.

I'm young. I'm 20 years old, soon to be 21... and I feel like I'm already trapped in a prison I will never escape.

Hey,

I am in a similar situation for I also binge-eat every night. I have been doing this for so long now (Possibly six months), every single night. My diet has actually been out of control for the past three years.


However, due to the fact that I binge-eat at the same time every day (i.e. at night-time) I have actually managed to not let it bother me as much as it used to. I did this by firstly accepting that the binge will happen. This, bizarrely, resulted in me actually bingeing on less and less over time. So, my diet is gradually improving.


I know the frustration you must feel when people just tell you to simply eat normally, exercise and such things but they do not understand. If they had an eating problem I'm sure they'd see your point of view.