worried about Bipolar issues while trying BDSM

I want to state first off that I am lucky to have some friends who represent what I have come to believe is the true face of the core BDSM community: Responsible, intelligent, classy and by necessity remarkably good at communication. I was describing having some issues in my limited sexual experience with performance anxiety with one of these friends. They mentioned that I might find some freedom in surrendering control via bondage, and that I might want to come to a meeting just to observe.

I am enjoying a remarkable recovery from bipolar (and some psychosis) that has gone on for many years in no small part to a very consistent regimen of medications. I once had a VERY unhealthy relationship to pain. Self-inflicted mental and physical obsessions that allowed me to deal with extreme depression. I hide all this very well nowadays but anything has the potential to trip a memory and take me on a jarring trip back into the past.

A part of me is up for just going to one of these meetings to just talk to people (which is something that newcomers often do). But my better judgement is saying that this could be a recipe for disaster, not because BDSM is bad, but because my mind is just too fragile for it.

Is there anyone who has been mentally ill for sustained periods of time to the point of incoherence who has been able to become a part of the BDSM community? Is having lots of experience with "vanilla" sex important before trying something exotic? Is a history of severe mental illness an automatic unacceptable risk factor?

Thanks everyone for your help on this...

Hi maigo
i havent recovered from my mental illness (which is somewhat similar to yours - borderline personality with psychotic tendencies, which has ranged from crippling to liveable over the last 4ish years), but i have (in the past, especially) been quite active in BDSM life as a sub/ masochist!Generally,ive found that its extrmely important to communicate with any partners your degree of mental instability. As a submissive (which IS what your looking for right?), its much less likely for our instability to become hazardous - the domme is controlling the pain and the instruments. If they're aware that youre unstable as you are (especially if theyre well experienced and established members of the BDSM community), than they will know what lines CAN'T be crossed even if you ask for it. thats what my exereince has been. sometimes its left me ungratified, but more importantly it has kept me safe. I think a similar pattern of behavior could protect you from yourself, if that is your worry. that said, there are some limits you have to place on yourself. you cant really switch roles. being in control puts you in a position to hurt others and hurt yourself beyond what you would ever normally do, especially if you were to experience a mood swign or psychotic break. perhaps this is less of a concern for you, seeing as you have largely recovered from your instability, but its still better to play it safe.also, its incredibly important that you can wholly trust your partner and know that they have your best interests at heart. other than that its entirely possible for you to live as a submissive even with a history of mental instability. and its great fun! oh and vanilla sex isnt necessarily important. its kind of nice to be experienced there too, but most people dontfind it totally necessary. mainly though, ask your firends and learn what theyre comfortable with, what theyll expect of you as a partner, and consider whether or not youll be able to fulfill that role. good luck!
Svidrigailov

I'm glad that I found a post on this topic, because I'm pretty much in the same situation, only that I was recently diagnosed with BPD and am currently still struggling to find a good therapist.

I've found that I can't tolerate pain as much as I used to. BDSM can be full of triggers, and I'm afraid it might lead to "more extreme" self-harm.

I guess it's different when you're already recovered, but I would still be keep your personal limits in mind, because even though your partner may accept and act within your boundaries, sometimes things go bad sooner than you can foresee (especially if you're new to BDSM and don't really know your limits yet).

I'm still curious about how much BDSM, which is treated here like a mental illness even though I never perceived it as one, can be caused by a PD and how much is "natural" or just personality.
What I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure whether I am drawn to BDSM only because of my personality disorder (the need for physical pain in order to cope with emotional pain, the feeling that I need to be punished, etc.), or whether it is "right", or healthy, for me to be drawn to BDSM.

I hope I'll see more post on this topic because it really interests me.

i dont think there's any harm in satiateing a feeling that you need to be punished. Just because thats part of your personality "disorder" doesnt mena that its necessarily unhealthy in and of itself. the need to cope with emotional turmoil with physical pain is a legitimate one, and i dont see any reason for which you should supress or ignore that need. obviously, yu should decide whats right for you, but i just think you should keep an open mind about whats right and wrong in regards to your persnality! just cuz the doctors called it a disorder doesnt mean you cant thrive with it and through it

I'd like to say that we dont believe BDSM to be a mental health issue. i think its moreso the case that the only poeple posting here are the ones who are confused or feel guilty about BDSM, or the ones for whom BDSM has seriously started to damage their lives. Of course, anything taken too far can start damaging one's life significantly. just look at our addiction forums. one oculd argue that BDSM is a little more likely to startn that cuz of the pain and damage it can sause to yourself and others and whatnot, but i dont think we as a community view sadomasochistic tendencies as a disease. this board is just generally a space for people to talk about their problems, and so when it comes time to talk about BDSM here, we talk about the porblems it has caused some of us.

-- Fri Oct 26, 2012 7:05 am --

are you active in bdsm at all or just curious about it?