Want to be her slave...

Okay, I am quite embarrased by talking / writing this anywhere...
But there is the person I love... and me.

First of all, I have to say, my parents never loved me. I don't really know this "love" and I have self-defeating and dependent personality disorder.
I never liked anything romantic, like roses and candle-lite dinner - it always had been trash in my eyes.
And the only ones who "fall in love for me" are romantic guys...
Well, I am lesbian. And there I met this girl... she isn't romantic and I want to get closer to her. But I am scared if she sees me as a monster if I tell her I want to be her slave. And everytime I am depressed she should hurt me and let me forget about my past and problems.
She is the only one I have left in my life and I don't want to scare her. I just don't want to be alone anymore. I need someone who has complete control over me and orders me what to do. I have been hurt a lot in past, so I need to be hurt in future, too.
I need a person who whips me and ties me up... It feels right to be a slave of someone. Being the beloved happy smiling girl sucks in my eyes and it doesn't feel right.
Hurting myself will not work forever... I need that someway more.

I don't want to tell her, I am a masochist, but if she wanders off with another one, I'll end up alone again.
It's my biggest wish to be her own and doing everything for her...

It's right like that, isn't it?
Or am I a monster?

I often wondered and feared the same things when thinking about telling my girlfriend some of the fetishes I have,..... and I found that the best thing was to just open up to her and tell her everything. Easier said than done, but it worked! She does not have the fear of not knowing whats next, and knows at the same time that I have really trusted her deeply enough to open up a side of me that nobody gets to see.......
What works for one relationship may not work for all, but I wish you the best of luck!

Really?

Thank you for that!

Wow; it was really brave to post that. I believe that the wish for total immersiom in another person
is in the range of normal. You say you were abused a lot; that's a type of self -annihilation. One thing about that; you have no ethical responsibility.That must be what feels the same.
I think that a good psychotherapist would help you.

Good Luck, Chargal

I have been skimming htese threads and noticing many people posting here are submissive, and feel they will never be desired because of their urges. Speaking form someone who spends waaayyy too much in the bdsm scene- you are guys are so wrong! There are tons of people who are into theis sort of thing and arroused by giving up or taking control or receiving or inflciting pain. This is not somethign ou should feel guilty about, and it is not hard to fiund a partner who has similiar tastes. People just dont' talk about it, and keep their desires a secret, but believe me, these desires are rather common!

I think you should seek therapy for your codependence. That is not a healthy state to be in, you need to build personal strength. I think your masochistic sexual tendancies are ok and indulging them will likely be a great release for you. But you have to be safe and you musn't allow it to lower your self worth in a general sense. Indulging in sexual desires in a healthy way is good for you, however, you can't have a completely submissive life as an adult. Aim towards being an independent sexual submissive

I am very strong willed in day to day life. I met a man and loved submitting to him it was very freeing and natural for me. It showed my total devotion for him.


Haven't done it before or since. Just him.



I hope he know how special that was for me.