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I want to teach! Possibly...

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I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby slave_girl » Sat May 24, 2014 8:44 pm

I considered laying out my background information in an organized list, but I reconsidered and decided against it. Instead, I will simply say that I have been living this Lifestyle long enough that I have reached yet another milestone. It won't be the last one, but this one has been difficult.

I'm an introvert, and I'm starting to believe that I have trouble relating to people. I have an INFJ personality, and apparently that means I'm very private and it's normal for me to create distance between myself and others.

At some point, I believe that one learns so much about a subject that eventually a desire to teach blossoms. I have reached that point. I'm a slave, and I have become known as a service expert within my community. I've been invited to produce a small lesson on Victorian Tea Service to my local submissive's gathering. It's coming up soon, and I'm itching to finally share one of my passions with someone else. Anyone else.

I've offered to perform tea service for two other groups. They are both groups that are for littles. One of the teas I'm capable of performing is a Teddy Bear Tea, and I thought they would enjoy that. But neither of the leaders I have approached seem interested. I admit, that kind of hurt.

Mostly, I believe this boils down to: I'm lonely. I love my Master. He loves receiving my service. He encourages me. I am romantically stable, and he has not neglected me. He's everything I've ever wanted. I've let him know parts of myself that I wouldn't want anyone else to know.

I'm lonely for... submissive company? But I don't relate to many other people in my area. I want to teach. I would love to help train other submissives or slaves in the art of service (not just tea service). There isn't any interest in that around here it seems.

I'm willing to listen to respectful opinions and advice.

How do I relate to others who may not have similar interests?

How do I find others who have similar interests if they aren't local?

If I produce this tea service for the sumissive's gathering and they aren't interested, how do I NOT take that personally?


Thank you for your attention! :)
"He is Master, and I am slave. He is Owner, and I am owned. He commands, and I obey. He is to be pleased, and I am to please. Why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave."
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby meygan » Sat May 31, 2014 12:39 pm

i don't know if this will help you, but i think your idea is wonderful. im anxious to join this community if there even is one near me and i don't know how to do so. i think that you could help a lot of people already within your community in their journey. and i'm sure its difficult but there are always people out there who are interested to learn new things. have you thought about connecting with those who might be interested online in some way? email or something... just don't give up. you've already got so far, and come across as such a nice person who would make a great teacher, and that will make it easier for you to develop your ideas to help others.
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby xgirl » Mon Sep 08, 2014 2:18 am

Would you be willing UK give advise? I just ended a relationship with master after 2 years because I can't take the fighting anymore. I wasnt looking for this. He pulled me in when we became friends and were attracted to each other. I loved him and wanted to please him. But if I started getting restless about seeing him after a couple over weeks o would get lectured for hours about its not about my needs. Empty promises and lots of money. I paid for everything and he owes me over 2000. I think he used his power over me for financial reasons. I'm trying to get away from him but he has me addicted to him. I have to cut all ties to him but i can't
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby slave_girl » Fri Sep 12, 2014 10:28 pm

xgirl,

I would like to discuss this with your further. It's easier to contact me in a PM because I am alerted by my email.

What you are experiencing is normal. I've been through a few BDSM breakups myself, and I have a reading list that you might be interested in from multiple authors. All of the books deal with M/s relationships (including the ending of them).

I can say that in a healthy M/s relationship, there shouldn't be any "fighting". A fight infers that there was a loss of control. There are healthier ways to discuss heated subjects.

No matter what he told you, it IS about YOUR needs. Master and slave both have needs. slave's needs overrule Master's wants.

If you would like to discuss this further, I would love to hear from you. I'm not on very often, but I do try to keep up with my responses.
"He is Master, and I am slave. He is Owner, and I am owned. He commands, and I obey. He is to be pleased, and I am to please. Why is this? Because he is Master and I am slave."
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby FumiRawR » Thu Apr 16, 2015 2:17 am

I know this post "ended" a few months ago but I honestly want to learn more about being a sub. I realize that you probably wouldn't be able to actually teach me face to face as we probably don't live near each other, but you mentioned so books? Do you know any that are accessible for free on the Internet? My local library doesn't have any books relating to this topic except for fifty Shades. It's especially hard to find material to learn more since I'm a minor.
Xgirl, I hope it worked out for you.
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby Callalily » Thu May 14, 2015 6:59 pm

slave_girl wrote:No matter what he told you, it IS about YOUR needs. Master and slave both have needs. slave's needs overrule Master's wants.


Wrong wrong wrong! :wink:

You can learn everything you need to know from this very instructive blog written by a female submissive/sex slave/wife. https://openforhim.wordpress.com/

I highly recommend reading the whole thing, but I'll summarize the salient points:

  • I love Master.
  • I know that I am not his equal and it is my job to serve him sexually.
  • My body belongs to him. He uses my body however he wants.
  • I am not permitted to refuse him sex.
  • He punishes me to keep me in my role.
  • Punishment is not always sexy. Sometimes it's cruel and humiliating and its only purpose is to make sure I remain obedient.
  • He likes making me cry. He loves it when I curl up in a ball sobbing, his broken slave.
  • He likes it when I bleed, and he reminds me that I deserve it.
  • Sometimes I can't stand how cruel he is and how badly he is hurting me, but if I don't complain then he tells me I'm a good girl and lets me rest without any more pain.
  • When I'm a good girl, he tells me he's pleased with his little whore. I feel so much pride in myself!
  • Sometimes I hate him and the things he makes me do.
  • Sometimes it hurts so much and I say "No no no no!"
  • Sometimes I fight and struggle. My old self comes in and wants to make decisions and have independence and control.
  • He mocks my resistance. "This is going to happen whether you like it or not. You're going to lie there and take whatever I want to do to you. You are a bunch of holes for me to use whenever I want to."
  • Then I remember my place. I remember that he's entitled to do whatever he wants to me.
  • Things are so much better when I don't fight.
  • I am so lucky to be his toy. I am grateful that he will tolerate a digusting, filthy slut like me.
  • I thank him for teaching me.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby Gemini_Incarnate » Sat May 16, 2015 1:50 pm

Wow.

Okay, no offense intended against your sex life, but that seriously sounds borderline abusive.:/
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby Ada » Sat May 16, 2015 1:53 pm

A personal observation- Callalily, you seem to be finding this forum rather triggering. When I'm upset about a post. I find it better to step away from the keyboard for a while. And then to think over a reply before making it. So that I understand why I'm triggered. And don't let that affect how I'm posting.


slave_girl isn't wrong. slaves' needs are important and need to be respected in a relationship. There may be conflicting needs, most humans have those. :wink: But in a healthy relationship they're weighed up. The aim is for everyone to be happy. According to how they define happiness. BDSM isn't innately abusive any more than vanilla heterosexual relationships are. [As claimed by some radical Second Wave feminists.] The blog you've quoted is one way of being in a BDSM relationship. But there are far better resources available. Factoring in that there are as many ways of being submissive as there are subs in the world. :D

I'd also note that the blogger says [my bold added]-
I blog semi-regularly about what he does to me, and about what I wish we'd do too.

Point being that we have no way of knowing what's reality and what's fantasy in her writings. Which is fine. It's none of my business. :lol: But using someone else's fantasy as my model for reality is unhealthy. I can be inspired by elements of that fantasy. But it's between me and my partner[s] how that's implemented.

The blogger wrote:He punishes me to keep me in my role.

I can't see why that would be needed or appropriate in most BDSM relationships. The whole POINT is that people have negotiated their roles already. Of course re negotiation is possible. But forcing someone into submission is abuse, not BDSM.

I'm not clear what the LOLs at the end of your post are for. Can you explain?
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby Callalily » Sat May 16, 2015 11:55 pm

Hi Ada. Thank you for taking an interest in my thoughts once again. You're right that I find this forum triggering. I guess that word could potentially mean a lot of different things, so to be specific: (some of) what I've read on here provokes the kind of intense emotional reactions that yield physical symptoms. I experience blind rage and sadness and nausea and fear. I do that weird thing I've only ever seen females do where I get so angry that I start crying.

To be clear, what causes these reactions in me is not BDSM generally. It's consensual slavery, or TPE as I've heard it called. The way BDSM is practiced by most people -- playing with violence and power in a sexual context with limits -- seems totally sane and healthy to me. What doesn't is when a person is literally enslaved, when it stops being a role and consent becomes irrelevant. When a person can't be raped or abused because they've forfeited the right to say no. Sure, theoretically they can leave, but they believe they can't, which means they won't.

And like the majority of posts on here are not from people endorsing such relationships. I have no quarrel with those people. But I keep engaging with those that are, which means disrespecting other posters and making your job difficult. Why do I keep doing that. I'm seriously thinking about it.

  • Another poster expressed feeling horror similar to mine when he first watched heavy BDSM in porn. He said he then felt compelled to watch it over and over because he wanted to desensitize himself. That's part of it for me too; I want to feel numb to this. I want to not care.

  • I'm hoping I will read something on here that will help me understand why this is okay. It feels so utterly not okay. I don't know how to deal with the fact that it exists. It makes me not want to have children, especially daughters.

  • I am angry at the people who do this. I'm angry at the men who feel entitled to it. I'm angry at the women who post "I love it when my husband rapes me," without considering consequences for the rest of us.

  • I feel compelled to live up to the Slave standard of submission even though I do not enjoy submitting. I worry that soon I'll need to add branding to the long list of things I'm expected to do in order to be a "sexy woman." (Already on the list: never eating carbs, Kegels, weekly waxing, ass-to-mouth, vaginoplasty.)


You also asked me to examine why I feel triggered. I'm thinking about it. Here are some things that I find very upsetting:

  • When big/strong people pick on small/weak people. E.g. a bully picking on a smaller kid or an angry mob throwing stones at one person. Women are half the size of men, and usually less muscular and less aggressive. On some primal level it feels like men are supposed to protect us from physical harm. So when I see a man beating a woman my reaction feels almost primitive.

  • When something helpless places total trust in someone and relies on their care, and then is exploited by that person. Like people abusing their pets or molesting their children.

  • When people gain shallow pleasure or amusement in causing extreme suffering to another person or creature. Like people cooking and eating animals alive. The Mandingo fight and the wild dog scenes in Django Unchained. Pretty much every gang rape ever, esp. when people are laughing.


Okay weirdly I actually feel a lot calmer having written this down. I'll continue to pursue these questions and stop coming here trying to force answers out of people. Thank you for your help, seriously.

Oh and PS the LOLs meant "The world is monstrous and human beings are vile so I have to laugh or my head will explode!" Or something. Kinda juvenile in retrospect but I was pretty upset.
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Re: I want to teach! Possibly...

Postby Gemini_Incarnate » Sun May 17, 2015 7:08 am

Hi Callie. While I am not personally involved in a BDSM relationship or even have any personal experience with one for that matter, I have done a fair bit of research on the subject, and it is my hope that I will be able to enlighten you a bit. Veterans, please feel free to correct any mistakes I make.


"To be clear, what causes these reactions in me is not BDSM generally. It's consensual slavery, or TPE as I've heard it called. The way BDSM is practiced by most people -- playing with violence and power in a sexual context with limits -- seems totally sane and healthy to me. What doesn't is when a person is literally enslaved, when it stops being a role and consent becomes irrelevant. When a person can't be raped or abused because they've forfeited the right to say no. Sure, theoretically they can leave, but they believe they can't, which means they won't."


That sounds like a TPE gone horribly wrong. For one thing, consent is always relevant. It may be given ahead of time in the form of a contact, but it's still there,as it is a requirement for any relationship. Furthermore, It is the responsibility of the dom/master/owner to ensure that their submissive/slave is well cared for and that play is kept within their boundaries, limits, and capabilities, and this is especially important in a TPE relationship. (And yes, even someone in a TPE can have hard limits. The whole "I have no limits" line is a submissive lying to both themselves and their dom. "Limitless" subs do not exist in Safe and Sane BDSM). Any master who is not willing or capable of doing that simple thing is not worthy of their title or the respect and obedience that comes with it, and any submissive that would allow their master to deliberately do things that they cannot handle and/or believe that they cannot leave a relationship of ANY kind is in no position to be submitting to anyone.

One final note, keep in mind that TPE are the most serious and committed relationships in existence, BDSM or otherwise, and are not to be taken lightly. They require a lot of dedication of both sides, and are built upon months, if not YEARS, of trust and patience. Both the master and slave know each other inside and out and can read each other like books. I can assure you that any master the has the respect, power and control that is a TPE had to bust their backs earning it, which is why a true TPE (or any real BDSM relationship for that matter), is anything but abusive.


"Another poster expressed feeling horror similar to mine when he first watched heavy BDSM in porn. He said he then felt compelled to watch it over and over because he wanted to desensitize himself. That's part of it for me too; I want to feel numb to this. I want to not care."


Word of advice to you and your friend; DO NOT get your view and knowledge of BDSM from porn. Pornographic BDSM is a glorified and watered down version of the real thing, and only demonstrates a shadow of what a BDSM relationship entails, that being the sex part. There's much more to it than that.

"I am angry at the people who do this. I'm angry at the men who feel entitled to it. I'm angry at the women who post "I love it when my husband rapes me," without considering consequences for the rest of us."


I honestly don't blame you for feeling that way about it, because you're right. This is unfortunately a problem, especially in the BDSM community. You're right, they are certainly not entitled to having a submissive. No one is, and if you think that you can just walk up to someone who claims to be submissive and just take control of them on a whim, think again. Also, keep in mind that when women say things like that they are usually referring to rape roleplay, not real rape. Sorry if this this upsets you, but there are women who are genuinely into that kind of thing. That doesn't mean that they are helpless and have no self worth, or that would be okay with other people doing these things to them. It again comes back to mutual trust and respect.

"I feel compelled to live up to the Slave standard of submission even though I do not enjoy submitting. I worry that soon I'll need to add branding to the long list of things I'm expected to do in order to be a "sexy woman." (Already on the list: never eating carbs, Kegels, weekly waxing, ass-to-mouth, vaginoplasty.) "


Why? That standard isn't meant to apply to you, or to any woman. If you're not a submissive person, then don't submit. And please, don't do anything you don't want to do on that "list" of yours. Any man (dom or otherwise) worth their salt will be able to love and respect you for the way you are.

One other thing I feel the need to correct is that you seem to think that BDSM is about women submitting to men. That is not always the case. The roles of dom and sub are not determined by gender, nor are they determined by physical stature or the ability to control another individual against their will. There are cases of 250 pound men submitting to 130 pound females (yes, big men willfully submitting to little women. It happens quite a bit). BDSM is mental, not physical.



(Hey, um, slave_girl? I want to learn the art of submission. Can you teach me?)
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