Wow I can't believe this forum exists

I don't really have any questions but I have so many questions too. Ever since I can remember I was into pain, humiliation etc... (I'm female by the way) as a kid I enjoyed being spanked and then as I grew up I began self harming(I also have BPD) But it never seemed to be for the same reasons as others did it, I just liked destroying myself or wanted someone to destroy me in some way. I now worry that all future relationships I will ever have are doomed. I have this idea of the kind of guy I want. He ofcourse will be a Sadist but a caring sadist, someone that will love seeing me suffer and but care about me so much at the same time and be all caring, that will clean my cuts, look after me, almost child like(although not treat me like a child I am not into that at all) I don't know how to explain it, I first heard the term BDSM AT 15 but never had anyone who I could talk to about it. I tried chat rooms but they all consisted of 50 year old pervs etc.. I was once was in a slave/master relationship where he totally took advantage of me being a novice (pretty much said he would train me to be a slave but wanted BJ's the entire time and expected me to pay for petrol money from his to my place lol) but yeah I supose I have lots of questions but non to ask at the moment, I am just glad I have found this forum

Hi DollsAndPins, welcome. I can kind of relate to a lot of what you said. I'm a guy though and always fantasied about being a sub/slave but to someone who really cared about me. I've never had that type of relationship though and I can't see myself doing something like that long term. Anyway, as you can see you're not alone

DollsAndPins wrote:He ofcourse will be a Sadist but a caring sadist, someone that will love seeing me suffer and but care about me so much at the same time and be all caring, that will clean my cuts, look after me, almost child like(although not treat me like a child I am not into that at all) I don't know how to explain it, I first heard the term BDSM AT 15 but never had anyone who I could talk to about it.

I felt pretty amazed when I found out that this all existed too. Everything you described not only exists, but is fairly common if you know where to look (I'm not sure this forum would be the right place to 'look' in that sense, but I'm sure you can google for BDSM communities. Fetlife exists although I'm not its biggest fan).