Masochist with vanilla boyfriend. What to do?

Hi, I'm a 21 y/o female that has the masochism disorder. I'm pretty sure you're familiar with the term, it means i'm deriving pleasure from pain. In my case though, it's not exactly recieving joy from pain, but it helps me calm down when I'm stressed or upset.

I've always dealt with it on my own way, which was usually self-injuring, since I had a boyfriend I used methods that didn't leave marks or other visable injuries, candle wax was the most effective one. My boyfriend was not aware of my problem as I've never told him.

4 months ago we broke up for a month, during that month I met someone who was a dominant and sadistic male - til a safe limit (which was good because I'm also not that extreme). We spent some time together and had a few "sessions". It was great.
But one month later me and my boyfriend got back together again and I stopped seeing the other male, unfortunately though, my body was screaming for His firm grip, His strict and strong voice, so much that I admitted my disorder to my boyfriend, hoping he could somehow take over where He left or help in any possible way (I told him about Him). He said he could not.

My boyfriend is vanilla, he's very caring and kind, and gentle down the sheets. He would never hurt me in any possible way. I do love him with all my heart and don't want to leave him because of this disorder.
The reason why I even am here is because of him, he said I should browse the net and seek for possible options, he's willing to compromise as long it does not involve me being violated in any other man, or self-injury - which kinda only leaves it to me being manhandled by him, but I know that isn't something he would enjoy.

Does anyone here has a suggestion on how we could deal with this? Or experience? Any masochists with vanilla or non-sadistic boyfriends out here? Any help would be greatly appreciated...

For starters it's not a disorder. Disorders are things that are abnormal or needing to be rectified, and smbd is as ancient as sex itself thus very normal indeed.

As to being into masochism but your partner isn't, as with other relationships where lovers aren't into something the other is you have two choices:let the lover seek satisfaction elsewhere while staying with you, or don't and make them miserable creating other problems then risk them leaving you completely to pursue their unmet fantasies anyway.

So either tell your bf you're into these things and if he can't bring himself around to giving you what you need, either let you get it elsewhere, or know he's making you unhappy and accept this is only going to be a short-term thing while you find someone better suited to your needs.

Talk to him about it. Maybe he would like to spice things up a bit as well.
Injury or abuse is never good and make sure he knows that this is not what you are asking for. Find out what he wants to get out of it and express what you need from it as well. It isn't about the pain really. More about the handing over of all life's duties and responsibilities and letting oneself go and be helpless for a few minutes...all with love of course.
My wife is a vanilla. She will give me a spanking, but she doesn't care one way or another about them. She does like making me happy and loves to watch my reaction under her loving discipline. She has no interest in the control or power that domination brings, or at least she says so. We laugh when she calls me Spanky and how I have turned this sweet innocent woman into a raging Dominatrix!
I love, trust and respect her with the paddle. She knows when I'm going crazy and is my barometer for the fix, when she says it's time, it's time.

What sort of things does he get turned on by? Everybody has their own sexual fetishes. There is no such a thing as being purely vanilla in real life. Make a sort of game of it where you agree to do certain things for him if he does certain things for you. The more he feels rewarded for bossing you around the more comfortable he's likely to become with it. I can understand his unwillingness to do anything he thinks might hurt you, like the candle wax thing, but if you can point out exactly what the actual risk of injury to you is involved in the sort of things you want, you can make comparisons to normal everyday activities where you might be taking equal risks and work out some sensible risk management plans with him to keep it safe so you don't end up needing medical attention. I mean,
realistically there's less of an actual health risk in putting somebody over your knee for a spanking for example than there is in kissing them on the lips which can spread colds and in our current global AIDS epidemic having any sort of conventional sex with somebody is actually risking your life
which makes most BDSM relatively safe by comparison.

Ask him what he wants. What are his fantasies? Maybe you could lead the situation and help him become more adventurous. I dated a vanilla guy (back when I was really still trying that) and he had fun with it. We did roleplaying, and I even got him to try light bondage and spanking. It helped the relationship and broadened HIS sexual horizons. He didn't even know how to BEGIN that.

I kind of get what his problem is cause I had a girlfriend who liked me to bite down really hard on her shoulder neck muscle during sex with more pressure than I was comfortable with , I was scared I was hurting her and would leave nasty teeth marks doing it as hard as she wanted. If I knew then what I know now I guess I would just bit down till she said uncle or something.

Im learning from this forum, but the topic "can you make a vanilla into kinky ?' I don't know the answer to.