BDSM shame? :(

Hi everyone! My first topic on this website so be patient with me? My boyfriend and I engage in bdsm. Sometimes lifestyle, sometimes just when we're aroused. Ex: I might say things like "daddy carry me to bed" or " daddy, kitty really wants a new nightgown" and then there's typical sexual play as you know. What i need help with is i feel ashamed at times to use the word "daddy". I feel like such a freak to be turned on by it and although I don't feel like it has anything to do with an actual father figure, it still makes me feel so bad about myself can anyone relate or give me advice?

Could it be that it makes you feel childish/immature? You have some pretty contradictory feelings here feeling both aroused and disparaged by a term at the same time. My only advice to you would be to not take your sexuality too seriously.

I want to share my own experience with you:

I've been on both sides of the BDSM relationship, and I mean that in the slightest sense, as It never involved whips,chains or sadism. My ex-girlfriend and submissive loved to be called a "slut" even though I'm sure both of us would never use those words in a serious sense. However, she still hinted at it being a cause of poor self esteem. It's just part of sex-play though.

I understand it to a degree because after leaving her I secretly wanted to try exactly what she liked: to be dominated by a man. So not only did I go from dominant to submissive but from heterosexual experiences to homosexual ones. Like you I used the word "daddy" to refer my partner. I remember being very uncomfortable, not so much calling a man daddy, but the whole experience of being submissive, with a man, and taking it up the... you know what.. . It turned out I was more than just curious though, because It was an incredible turn on to be submissive in bed with a man! I'd say that in the end I found it more humbling than insulting to use terms like daddy. In many ways I love being submissive more than dominant. It can be so humbling in a way. I believe that I was born submissive because my whole life I have only ever seen love and sex as a humbling experience.

I think the only thing I can say is that you aren't a freak, bitsy. If it turns you on, and your partner is comfortable with it, have fun! Could the shame and confusion be part of the thrill? If not, is there an alternate word with the same meaning you could use?