moving from online fetish play to real life...

can anyone give me advice on this?

i met a guy i really like, on fetlife.com. we've been chatting for about two weeks, and are going to meet up this weekend. coffee only, for our first in person meeting. and then, well, if we click the way we do online, we'll start playing. we've already talked about our likes/dislikes, histories, safe sex, etc. we know how we want to play and we def. have compatible fantasies. we've already played online: age-play, orgasm control and denial, watching porn, etc.

i've never been with anyone i met online and some some basic advice would really be appreciated.

quackers

You go, girl

Make sure someone knows where you're meeting, and will check in with you at a time you've agreed on. Be safe and have fun!

thanks, sylvie. i didn't think of that. i already said "leave the toys at home" we are def. not playing, just coffee... which was hard because we are having so much fun online... but i think sensible. brain overrides lower regions...

I think you're doing this the right way, and sylvievere gives good advice about Safe Calls, but also know that they work best when you make sure your date KNOWS that someone is watching your back. The article describes some precautions that may be a little over the top and maybe not so necessary, but the concept is something I think everyone should be familiar with, and not just for kink dates, but for ALL dates. Some people even go so far as to have a trusted friend IN the coffee shop and sitting at another table, unbeknownst to their date. You know the risks and you can decide what level of precaution makes sense for you in this situation.

Let them see you talking to your safe call and let them hear you telling them where you are and what you're doing. It can also be a good opportunity to get in a good flirt. "Yeah, we're still at the coffee shop and don't have any plans yet to go anywhere. He's more handsome than his picture, and I'm having a really good time!" Also use a distinction with your safe call that sounds innocuous. For instance, if you say everything is "cool," then that means everything is fine. If you told them everything is "just fine," then that might be the agreed upon code phrase that means everything is NOT fine at all and you'd like them to come and visit you at the coffee shop NOW.

Not playing on a first date for some people is just a good rule of thumb. What's the hurry? If he would play with you tonight, but not next week, that should tell you something. I would also suggest making sure you have your own transportation to and from the date, and insist on that for future dates until you have a strong enough gut feeling about the person.

MrMichael,

thank you so much for the advice and the link. i will def. setup something with a friend before i go. i *do* have his contact info, real name, etc. and he is well known in the bi and kink community in the city where i live (not that that in itself makes someone 100% safe, of course, but i do know he is who he says he is). i'm also taking public transit to our meet, we're in a big city... so don't have to worry about a lift, etc.

i already told him i don't want to play immediately after our first in person meeting, and he was totally okay with that. everything has been progressing at a pace i am most comfortable with. it's just that our online play is so totally hot... it's hard for me to be sensible. but as you say, what's the rush.

thanks again,

quackers

How'd it go, Quack?

coffee isn't until tomorrow, depending on his work schedule (which he gets tonight)... if not tomorrow then possibly sunday. in the meantime we continue to chat online and by phone, so stay tuned!!

c

Hope it goes well for you. *hughug*

we had coffee today... for two hours... chatted and flirted and laughed.
he's such a nice guy, with a sadistic streak. perfect for me.
i have some insecurities, which i told him about... but we will work on those together.
i think he thought them sweet, actually, i don't know.
anyhow... i have no time this weekend for play (he works tomorrow day, i'm busy in the evening and sunday i have other commitments)... so things continue at a slow pace...
quackers