Do you feel more comfortable around a specific gender?

I'm personally much more insecure and 'avoidant' around men more than woman. Anyone else similar to this?

Is it because you think they're constantly judging and evaluating you? Do you feel the same around lesbian women?

SecretHermit wrote:Is it because you think they're constantly judging and evaluating you? Do you feel the same around lesbian women?

I think it's probably because of my past with them. My relationship with my father has always been strained and growing up I was bullied a lot- mainly by males. I've just been conditioned to expect negative stimuli from them. If I'm walking at night, and I see a group of males- I assume they are going to aggressive towards me.

I love lesbian females, I find them quite chill and easy to relate to. (I'm a gay male)

scorchedfatale wrote:If I'm walking at night, and I see a group of males- I assume they are going to aggressive towards me.

Well, that's because, more often than not, they are.

I love lesbian females, I find them quite chill and easy to relate to. (I'm a gay male)

It's funny that it's common for me to be more attracted to lesbian/bi girls than straight ones. Of course, there's the "mystique" effect and the unattainability, but sometimes it happens even before I know their sexual preference.

By the way, please be sure to post your thoughts on this earlier thread. You're most welcome there.

captain ad hoc wrote:

scorchedfatale wrote:If I'm walking at night, and I see a group of males- I assume they are going to aggressive towards me.

Well, that's because, more often than not, they are.

I love lesbian females, I find them quite chill and easy to relate to. (I'm a gay male)

It's funny that it's common for me to be more attracted to lesbian/bi girls than straight ones. Of course, there's the "mystique" effect and the unattainability, but sometimes it happens even before I know their sexual preference.

By the way, please be sure to post your thoughts on this earlier thread. You're most welcome there.

And yes, unfortunately, my fears are a lot of the time not unreasonable. I think there's something about humans that can sense fear and vulnerability coming from someone, and its just instinct to go after it/them.
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Oh okay, for sure I will. Thank you. :]

scorchedfatale wrote:

SecretHermit wrote:Is it because you think they're constantly judging and evaluating you? Do you feel the same around lesbian women?

I think it's probably because of my past with them. My relationship with my father has always been strained and growing up I was bullied a lot- mainly by males. I've just been conditioned to expect negative stimuli from them. If I'm walking at night, and I see a group of males- I assume they are going to aggressive towards me.

I love lesbian females, I find them quite chill and easy to relate to. (I'm a gay male)

How about gay guys? I'm also gay, but feel uncomfortable around anyone with a sexual orientation that would judge me.

I used to be considerably more comfortable around males than females, but it has evened out a bit. However, if forced, I prefer to interact with males.

According to this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Distancing-Avoi ... pd_sim_b_1 (read Sixth on page 7) says avoidance can be illusory because it can be transient, selective, intermittent, reactive or age-related. I think you feel more exposed to one gender than another so it's completely valuable. Hope it helps.

I don't think gender effects me. I feel uncomfortable around both in equal amounts.

If they understand my tasteless humour then i feel comfortable around them.

I had one answer that I was coming in with but I changed it. I think it depends on the person specifically & how their personality makes me feel.

But in general, I think I'm terrified of both genders. Males make me feel really self-conscious because I want to appear attractive to them. Whether I'd be interested in a relationship doesn't relate. I never had a relationship with a guy, so I guess I feel really pressured to be an attractive female, both physically & personality-wise. So as a result, I act really uncomfortable & a conversation becomes impossible.

With females, I feel under scrutiny. I feel like they are judging me simply because I'm another girl. They look at me & make a decision about whether or not they are higher than me on the attractiveness scale. I know that's irrational but it's just a feeling I always get. & Then once they see that I'm not a stand-out physically & my personality in non-existent due to my nervousness that is obvious, they then dismiss me as a rival & treat me like I'm a young child. & Then I get uncomfortable in conversation because I know they view me that way.

Yes, this is all in my head. I know it. But I'm just giving my answer. There is no lesser evil that I can pick, in my mind they are both equally uncomfortable. Hence why I tend to avoid absolutely everyone.

- EGD.