Forgetting who I am

Just something I wanted to bring up. I don't know if this is relevant to AvPD, but its something that happens to me sometimes. This only happens when I'm alone. It will be a normal day and I'll be going about my business when I get this surge of confusion all of a sudden. I'll forget everything about myself like my name, where I am, etc. Sometimes it gets so intense that I'll have to stop doing whatever I'm doing and put my head in my hands for 30 seconds until I calm down. Looking in a mirror doesn't help. What is that?

I'm sorry but I'm not really sure what that is to be honest with you. I don't think it's related to AvPD per se, sounds more like some sort of dissociative experience. Do you think it feels like some sort of dissociation?

So, you think this just comes out nowhere, or is there ever some sort of trigger, or you are under stress?

Sorry can't be of more help.

- EGD.

I have noticed it doesn't happen as often as it did a few years ago. Last one I remember happening was last week, and that was after a month or so of nothing. Other than the fact that it only happens when I'm alone, I think its random.

Panic attacks are usually described as a physical distress (though often without actual physical symptoms), but aside from that, what you describe sounds pretty much like panic attacks to me. Of course: not a doctor.

Does it feel like deja-vu but stronger?

Sound like some kind of dissociation to me too. Is there anything that you are always doing or thinking when this comes on? Maybe you have some kind of painful memory and this is your way of blocking it out?

Sounds awful and scary. Have you talked with anyone about the episodes at all?

There are a few different forms of dissociating, sometimes they are triggered by a specific event, and sometimes they're there seemingly over nothing. Usually it happens because the brain is trying to block out something painful, and you sort of get "lost" in your thoughts.

I have episodes of dissociation, some of the triggers are obvious, some are not, but to me it's usually feeling as though my surroundings aren't real and nor am I. I have a period of time in my life I can't account for at the moment, it seems I've blocked it out and I have no memory of it at all. I can't even work out how long the time period is. Sometimes episodes happen when I'm alone- and alone with my thoughts (triggering myself without realising) and other times it will be because I'm in a social situation I just can't cope with. Everyone's triggers are different.

Does that help to make a bit of sense of it in any in way?

Captain- I think deja-vu is the opposite- feeling that you've already been somewhere before, rather than feeling that you're missing time and events.

Hugs
Lily

lilyfairy wrote:Captain- I think deja-vu is the opposite- feeling that you've already been somewhere before, rather than feeling that you're missing time and events.

Yes but I'm curious if this dissociative experience that she describes feels related to the sensation of deja-vu, since deja-vu is something most people are familiar with and is a memory disfunction as well (even if generally harmless).

Sometimes when I go through stressful situations, I have deja-vu-like symptoms, like recognising faces of people I've never seen before. The most notable instance was when I moved to a big city for college. I even greeted a few strangers on my way before I realised they were strangers. It took a few months for this effect to subside, and it was painful when it did. I guess I could say that, instead of feeling like I didn't know who I was, I felt like I was someone else (I think I've read somewhere that this is considered to be a form of dissociation too).

My conscious memory has always remained fairly intact (probably less than the average, but still). My emotional memory on the other hand is fragmented in periods. Sometimes when I go from one period to the next (feeling like I've "become another person"), I become emotionally empty (which I guess is a form of depression, if not an exact synonym). Almost literally empty, since this "new person" has no past emotions to remember. In my case this is something permanent, I always seem to be going from "the current me" to "the next me", in seemingly abrupt changes.

While my experience with memory discontinuity seems to be opposite to InfamousPillow's in most aspects, I suspect the underlying mechanisms are not all that different.

I don't know if its similar to deja-vu. When the moments happens, they go away fast. They don't normally last more than a minute or two. I'll feel like an alien, and then I'll come back and say to myself what the ###$ just happened.
I don't think there's anything wrong with me though. While some have definitely put me on edge for the rest of the day, I have found some humor in a few looking back. I remember one occasion I happened to be looking at the word 'us', and didn't know what it meant. I kept on saying it over and over out loud.
I'm strange.

infamouspillow wrote:I remember one occasion I happened to be looking at the word 'us', and didn't know what it meant. I kept on saying it over and over out loud.
I'm strange.

Lol, if anything, it just proves you're normal

I do that with words at times. Makes my head spin when it happens.