omg

Just got this email:

If you have any free time, let me know and we can get together away from work!

Of course, I blew it off, and, of course, I blamed my kid. He's such a convenient excuse!
But now, I'm nearly having a panic attack. Seriously, it's hard to breath.
I'm such a screwed up mess. I should just be put down...

Hey -

Try to take some deep breaths. You don't have to go out with anyone that you don't want to or don't feel comfortable with. Do you know why you're having a panic attack? Was it because it caught you off guard? How do you know this person?

- EGD.

I've worked with her for 2 years. And the panic attack - that's just me trying to figure out how I can possibly make this a good situation. To make her happy, I should take her up on her offer. But to protect her, I should stay away from her. It's like a recovering anorexic - eating is good, but eating is bad. You just can't handle those extremes at the same time.

Why do you feel as though you have to protect her? & Yes, I understand the black-and-white thinking that can happen a lot of the time. It's never fun to think that way - I think you need to stop & try to think more in grey terms, there's always a compromising solution to these things.

- EGD.

I get all at first as well. But with time, just thinking about it for some time, getting used to the thought, seems to help. And getting things on my terms helps as well. Going to a place I know for instance, is a lot easier than going someplace unfamiliar. Or if I can scout out the place in advance

Knowing who's coming as well, is something I need to feel safe enough. If it's just the two of you, though, that's not an issue - then I would have to overcome the one-on-one issue instead.

If it's a restaurant, knowing the menu, knowing where the toilet is, reserving a specific table in some corner (not risking having to sit in the middle of the floor with tables and strangers all around), all helps me feel safer. The more I know, the less I need to worry about in advance.

I don't know if you feel the same, but it might be worth a try

This person is trying to please you and has seen something in you that they like, so really she's the one who trying to impress you.

Show her the kindness in your heart, rather than the ongoing thoughts of doubt. Maybe she is the ying in your yang, possibly she could be a good balance to bring out your best.
Wish you well.

Dwight

Just say yes. I know I get into these messes too. I am always shocked when someone takes an interest -- I need like a shot I can take to calm me down.