compliment

our photography teacher asked us to choose 3 pics and tell why we like them. we were a group of students on the same laptop.
i chose mine,interpreted them and she stated she enjoyed the photos i choose. than when we finished she says she like the class's interpretation of the photos and said she liked my interpretation more than the other students. i dont know what to add when someone compliments me,expecially when there are +2 people.i know thats a good thing.but i felt almost like she offended me.i didnt say thank you of course.i just put my head down in a "yes sir" way.Then, after that ,my mood started going down and it lasted all day till now.
i appreciate opinions

I'm the same way. Any judgement - good or bad - I react to the same way, which is very negatively.

I'm pretty sure that stems from being "put in my place" by people "concerned" that I might get a "swollen head" when I was growing up. Basically any time I got a compliment it was immediately countered by a slam to get me back down in that gutter where I "belonged."

In my family, anything positive that someone did was seen as a poor reflection on them. "You got an A in school. Well, now do you think you're better than me or something?" That sort of thing.

If you had any sort of experience like that, then not only do you expect to be slammed after a compliment, you get to the point that you automatically do it to yourself.

Is that what's going on? Because if it is, being aware of it can help you temper your reaction. If you can prepare for it in the future, it might not be such a shock to your system next time.

Try something like this - "I'm going to this class, where I might be judged, and I might even be judged positively, but that's okay because, even though I'll be looking for it, I won't get criticized to counteract the compliment."

Unless you do have classmates who say something nasty whenever anyone gets a compliment because, again, if someone else is praised it makes them feel bad in comparison. If that's the case, try to be aware that it's their issue and it doesn't actually have anything to do with you - they'll pick on anything and not care one bit about it, they'll just want to watch you squirm.

I have found that if I can be prepared for the posibility of a judgement (including compliments) ahead of time I can tolerate it a lot more. It's the out-of-the-blue things people say that throw me for a loop.

I had a job as a merchandise processor at a big warehouse that did mail-order shipments (it was a well-known lingerie business that shall remain unidentified) and I was apparently very good at the job so long as nobody bothered me. That was my undoing. My manager approached me at the end of one of one of my shifts and said, "Hey [insert name here], I talked it over with the office schmucks and we decided to promote you. Congratulations! You get to train new-hires starting tomorrow!"

I got insulted and almost blew up at her. That was my last day sorting unmentionables for mail-order.

I like to go unnoticed altogether.

ck2d wrote:I'm the same way. Any judgement - good or bad - I react to the same way, which is very negatively.

I'm pretty sure that stems from being "put in my place" by people "concerned" that I might get a "swollen head" when I was growing up. Basically any time I got a compliment it was immediately countered by a slam to get me back down in that gutter where I "belonged."

In my family, anything positive that someone did was seen as a poor reflection on them. "You got an A in school. Well, now do you think you're better than me or something?" That sort of thing.

If you had any sort of experience like that, then not only do you expect to be slammed after a compliment, you get to the point that you automatically do it to yourself.

Is that what's going on? Because if it is, being aware of it can help you temper your reaction. If you can prepare for it in the future, it might not be such a shock to your system next time.

Try something like this - "I'm going to this class, where I might be judged, and I might even be judged positively, but that's okay because, even though I'll be looking for it, I won't get criticized to counteract the compliment."

Unless you do have classmates who say something nasty whenever anyone gets a compliment because, again, if someone else is praised it makes them feel bad in comparison. If that's the case, try to be aware that it's their issue and it doesn't actually have anything to do with you - they'll pick on anything and not care one bit about it, they'll just want to watch you squirm.

I have found that if I can be prepared for the posibility of a judgement (including compliments) ahead of time I can tolerate it a lot more. It's the out-of-the-blue things people say that throw me for a loop.

that : where i "belong" makes sense . but my family didnt influence in the way u r saying. neither my classmates do that. its just inside me.

-- Fri Mar 16, 2012 5:30 pm --

lilnumber9 wrote:I had a job as a merchandise processor at a big warehouse that did mail-order shipments (it was a well-known lingerie business that shall remain unidentified) and I was apparently very good at the job so long as nobody bothered me. That was my undoing. My manager approached me at the end of one of one of my shifts and said, "Hey [insert name here], I talked it over with the office schmucks and we decided to promote you. Congratulations! You get to train new-hires starting tomorrow!"

I got insulted and almost blew up at her. That was my last day sorting unmentionables for mail-order.

I like to go unnoticed altogether.

do u get angry ?
cuz i dont,i get depressed in case of a public compliment

LastMatchLeft wrote: do u get angry ?
cuz i dont,i get depressed in case of a public compliment

I only got angry because it was an additional responsibility - training a group of new-hires - that I had far less than no interest in taking on, and felt like I had no say in the decision. I got depressed over the implied compliment later on when I realized what it meant.

If they had just let me be awesome at my job in obscurity, I would probably have kept working there for years. I knew I was good at it and that's all I needed for me to want to do it. Though I always had a kind of secret turmoil over wanting some measure of appreciation. I hated the idea, but I thought it might be nice at the same time.

LastMatchLeft wrote:but i felt almost like she offended me.i didnt say thank you of course.i just put my head down in a "yes sir" way.Then, after that ,my mood started going down and it lasted all day till now.

I feel the same way. First I often feel a compliment is a lie. Like they don't mean it. Like they are trying to get me to believe I am awesome so I will get a big head and then they will cut me down to size. I also find honestly, when people compliment you, other people hear it, get upset about it, and hate you. I am also someone who really hates "words" -- words are so cheap and flimsy... so when people throw them around like I should be influenced by them... I get upset ... they are so lazy.

Put your money where your mouth is and keep your cheap words to yourself. For instance at work, I get along really well with one of my bosses because instead of throwing around cheap words -- she gives me great evaluations and asks me to be involved in management type things... such as selecting me for travel or asking me to evaluate new policies or procedures.

This is the compliment. Not only does no one know about it (so I can't get hit with hate) it says with "ACTIONS" that she trusts and appreciates me.

Words are cheap. One reason I never respond to a spoken compliment.

SaraShaw wrote:

LastMatchLeft wrote:but i felt almost like she offended me.i didnt say thank you of course.i just put my head down in a "yes sir" way.Then, after that ,my mood started going down and it lasted all day till now.

I feel the same way. First I often feel a compliment is a lie. Like they don't mean it. Like they are trying to get me to believe I am awesome so I will get a big head and then they will cut me down to size. I also find honestly, when people compliment you, other people hear it, get upset about it, and hate you. I am also someone who really hates "words" -- words are so cheap and flimsy... so when people throw them around like I should be influenced by them... I get upset ... they are so lazy.

Put your money where your mouth is and keep your cheap words to yourself. For instance at work, I get along really well with one of my bosses because instead of throwing around cheap words -- she gives me great evaluations and asks me to be involved in management type things... such as selecting me for travel or asking me to evaluate new policies or procedures.

This is the compliment. Not only does no one know about it (so I can't get hit with hate) it says with "ACTIONS" that she trusts and appreciates me.

Words are cheap. One reason I never respond to a spoken compliment.

True,true...
Same opinion about words in general. The only problem is that I get too sad of them. I shouldn't...RIGHT ?!

LastMatchLeft wrote:Same opinion about words in general. The only problem is that I get too sad of them. I shouldn't...RIGHT ?!

Right but I admit -- words are very expensive to me when they are negative. I don't need to see actions on those, just words. It is even more toxic when, like my boss, you spew negative words at me all day, but all your actions say you would be lost without me. Wants me to take leave only when he isn't in. Nice.

Words hurt when they are negative but they don't register at all when they are positive. This is why I am messed up.

SaraShaw wrote:

LastMatchLeft wrote:Same opinion about words in general. The only problem is that I get too sad of them. I shouldn't...RIGHT ?!

Right but I admit -- words are very expensive to me when they are negative. I don't need to see actions on those, just words. It is even more toxic when, like my boss, you spew negative words at me all day, but all your actions say you would be lost without me. Wants me to take leave only when he isn't in. Nice.

Words hurt when they are negative but they don't register at all when they are positive. This is why I am messed up.

lol yepp thats it...ur last sentence said it.

Compliments make me a bit suspicious- sort of like "what do you want" like they're trying to sweet talk me into something. I also feel a bit baffled by someone telling me something good about myself.

At the same time however, I crave acknowledgement from people when I've done a job. At work I do that a lot. But then I get the acknowledgement in the form of a compliment or praise and it bounces off me. Go figure.

I can relate to only seeing/remembering the negative comments and not even registering the positive ones.