Do females have it easier?

Socialretard wrote:

VenusWillendorf wrote:Having a boyfriend does not make the AvPD any easier. It's just one more person to avoid - and more guilt and shame becase you're not supposed to avoid your boyfriend.

And it does not mean that you magically will have a fairy tale ending where you live happily ever after with your husband, two-and-a-half kid, dog and volvo - just because you have a boyfriend - and just because you are a girl.

Having someone accept you and care doesnt help at all? Knowing that you actually do have some sort of worth, someone is choosing to be with you. If i could feel that for a second i would die happy. I think women with avpd take that for granted. Its far from a given for a male avpd to be able to find that.

That's a pretty huge assumption being made here. Relationship =happy ending? Even if you get a girlfriend/boyfriend there is no guarantee of all that at all. I think women with Avpd, vulnerable as they are, are likely to just attract men (or women, heterosexism be damned) who want to take advantage of their isolation, lack of self-esteem etc, to use and abuse them, not someone you could really get a fulfilling relationship from. As you know an avpd is not a good self-advocate, the stakes are high and the risk of being taken advantage of is huge. You could well be left much worse off than where you started.

Relationships aren't necessarily good things.

Another summary:

Men: they are always lonely and never had a girlfriend, because it's up to them to act and find someone, which is the unsolvable problem for AVPD. No woman will inicialize relationship.

Women: Men always contact them. They only need to be completely passive (smile or act shy) so they had several dates, and partners, yet they complain they have it as hard as men.
if they find sh*thead who abuse them, they can always kick him and in less than 2 months someone else will show attraction for them

so yeah, women reeeeally don't have it easier. Are you fu*king SANE?

Good job person above. Also, read the second link in my signature. I think you'll like it.

There are many other variables besides gender that determine how "bad" someone's AvPD is. There are many other social institutions besides dating/sex/marriage that present a challenge for someone with AvPD symptoms. Anecdotes and conjecture about dating norms =/= definitive evidence the AvPD is harder on men than women. Just because men and women may face different challenges in certain areas of life does not mean that one gender automatically has it harder/easier than the other.

Anyone who disagrees with me is either:

A) Male, or

B) Has distorted patterns of thinking like most people with PDs, rendering their opinions stupid and invalid (Just kidding!!)

No disrespect to SR. This is my sorry attempt at reductio ad absurdum. If that kind of talk frustrates you and makes you feel like your opinions/experiences are meaningless and unwelcome here, congratulations. Now you know what it's like to read this thread with one of those exotic uterus contraptions.

Be careful when you assume that women never pursue men. That's just flat-out untrue. Back in junior high, I was the one who pursued my first boyfriend (yay hypomania). We didn't get that far... because of me and my fledgling AvPD, I ended up pushing him away. I got froggy and tried to pursue a male friend a few years ago, and it was an unmitigated disaster that ultimately led to the end of the friendship.

But again, following the logic of this thread, the only reason I'm still a virgin is because I'm physically unattractive, clearly - it can't possibly be because I don't get out enough, or because I don't trust anyone to let them that close, etc., etc. Oh, and the fact that I have pursued (2!) guys in the past must also mean that I'm not a real avoidant, clearly - because even guys with AvPD *never ever* do that. Though I seem to recall a few threads about avoidant men doing exactly that and occasionally succeeding. Hmm...

Maybe if I try being completely passive, I'll finally be able to have a sexual relationship, and that will fix everything! And if I keep saying I *do* believe in fairies, Tinkerbell will live!

Be careful making assumptions about what dating is like for women. You do not know. Do not pretend to know. You don't.

Most posters who are saying that women have it easier or men have it harder are focusing on the romantic angle. What about other areas of life - school, work, raising children, friendship, seeking treatment, running errands, or even just leaving the house, etc.? Is all of that harder for men as well? Does it matter?

Do women have it easier when it comes to clipping their fingernails? Men have to do it all the time, but women can grow their nails out really long if they want. It's no fair! I demand reparations! Matriarchy must stop!

EmpathySucks wrote:Good job person above. Also, read the second link in my signature. I think you'll like it.

you are idiot

lilnumber9 wrote:Do women have it easier when it comes to clipping their fingernails? Men have to do it all the time, but women can grow their nails out really long if they want. It's no fair! I demand reparations! Matriarchy must stop!

Ha!!

Innocent3000 wrote:

EmpathySucks wrote:Good job person above. Also, read the second link in my signature. I think you'll like it.

you are idiot

lol

Socialretard wrote:

VenusWillendorf wrote:Having a boyfriend does not make the AvPD any easier. It's just one more person to avoid - and more guilt and shame becase you're not supposed to avoid your boyfriend.

And it does not mean that you magically will have a fairy tale ending where you live happily ever after with your husband, two-and-a-half kid, dog and volvo - just because you have a boyfriend - and just because you are a girl.

Having someone accept you and care doesnt help at all? Knowing that you actually do have some sort of worth, someone is choosing to be with you. If i could feel that for a second i would die happy. I think women with avpd take that for granted. Its far from a given for a male avpd to be able to find that.

But I woldn't be avoidant if I could really believe that, would I? Yes, he accepts me as he sees me, but does he really see me? Do I really behave like me when I'm around him, and show who I truly am on the inside? Do I tell him about my troubles and struggles as an avoidant? He doesn't even know!

True, he understands that something's "off" with me, but he thinks I'm shy and a loner, not that my whole cognitive aspect changes whenever I'm around people. He doesn't know that the reason why I'm fat is because I have an eating disorder, he thinks I'm fat because I just like food too much or something. He doesn't know that the reason I always wear socks is because my ankle is covered in scars and old cuts. He thinks I'm just cold or prefers it that way. Why would I tell him that I'm truly ###$ up on the inside, and would he still "choose to be with me" if he knew?

I absolutely do not know that I "have some sort of worth" just because I'm pretending to be "normal" well enough for a boy to want to live with me. I'm just as avoidant as the rest of you, I don't get symptom free because I live with a guy.

I have some people I know, that I met online, and that I usually talk to online (I think it's a lot easier to express myself and be more like "me" online). We have also met in real life, because we live close to each other. My boyfriend met one of them once, not a friend of mine - more like a friend of a friend or a random in our group chats - and within half an hour my online aquaintance burst out to him: "Do you even know her at all?"

That's how easy it is, being a girl with AvPD. I have a boyfriend that knows me less than internet aquaintances do. .

Well let's see, we have many in this threading arguing that women have it easier. But, at best, we have some arguing that men and women have it just as bad. * No one has argued men have it easier. Therefore the balance of opinion seems to be that men with AvPD really do have it harder.


* the reasoning that men and women have it equally bad seems to be
a) "hey, you aren't supposed say men and women might be different in this day and age! don't you know any better? we'll get very mad if you claim there are differences"
b) "women don't have it easy, therefore men and women have it equally bad"
c) "if you claim women have it easier you are a whiner, and, therefore, wrong"
d) "if you are wasting time reading this thread instead of going out to meet people that is just plain stupid, hence men and women have it equally bad, so shut up already!"