Do females have it easier?

I feel like I'm stuck on a rhetorical merry-go-round.
Or chasing the proverbial weasel around the mulberry bush.

Most of the males say yea, females have it easier. Most of the females say nay, females have it just as hard. Rinse, repeat. The problem might be that we're all spending so much time posting about this that we're not meeting anyone at all, and so predictably we're all still isolated and alone. D'oh.

scarecrow817 wrote:The problem with society is people go by looks. They shouldn't. You should love a person for who they are. Not for what they look like or what they do for a living etc etc. This is why divorce rates are so high.

People shouldn't get into relationships immediately after meeting someone. Be friends with that person. Get to know each other. Don't rush.

That is mainly people being dumbasses. Their problem.
Also, realize that guys could care less about your personality. It matters more how you look to men. I know that it matters more how you look because I've never met someone I could like because of her personality.

Personally I think it comes down to physical appearance a lot of the time as well...
If an AvPD guy is attractive, you will have some females approach him, whether or not it goes any further than an awkward exchange...

Nope. Women are inherently passive in the whole relationship thing. I can go into a nightclub and get lots of girls to look at me, but at the end of the day maybe 10% at best will approach me.

Honestly, all the women here tell me how hard you have it. Explain yourself.

EmpathySucks wrote:That is mainly people being dumbasses. Their problem.
Also, realize that guys could care less about your personality. It matters more how you look to men. I know that it matters more how you look because I've never met someone I could like because of her personality.

There's a balance between the two things, at least for guys who aren't just looking to get laid.

Yes, that's why I said /some/ females.

& not directed at anyone in particular:
I don't really understand why there always has to be a division amoungst people, we're all here because we have a mental illness that impacts our life.
But hey, if being resentful at a group of people because you feel they have an easier time than you, well you wouldn't be the first and if it makes you feel better about yourself go for it.
I just want to put it out there that I feel for anyone who has to live with any sort of disability.

& at some of the posts in this thread.

I guess I must be one of the ugly ones, given my track record. Well at least now I know for sure.

And for what it's worth, I think shy/meek guys are hawtt. But it doesn't matter because I'm probably too ugly to date/marry/exist. (Yay for sweeping generalizations!)

Side note: You guys know that most evolutionary psychology is #######4, right? A lot of it is based on unfalsifiable premises and therefore not actual science. That's because it's actually really, really hard to separate the possible influence of proscribed gender roles from the possible influence of genes/biology in an experimental design, unless your sample consists of bubble children raised in isolation, who are in woefully short supply. (To clarify, I'm talking about gender differences in behavior - not physical sex differences.) Just sayin'. Trust me, I have a useless undergraduate degree in psychology (and experience in a psych lab, fwiw)!

[trollin']But I don't know what it's like to be male, so I guess that means I'll never be that great at pissing contests. Unless... Wait, am I allowed to use a funnel? [/trollin'] I'm jus' keeding!

As others have said, a lack of confidence is bad news for anyone, male or female. Where I'm from (USA), everyone is supposed to be confident and/or extroverted and super ambitious.

And why the emphasis on sexual relationship politics here? What about stuff as simple as having platonic friends? Are avoidant women supposed to have it easier in that department, too? Really?!

In cased of tl;dr - a low-fat, low-sarcasm alternative to the above:
I'll admit that, being of the feminine persuasion, I will never really know what it's like to have to play up to male gender role expectations & vice versa. It may very well be an apples/oranges situation. The thing about apples and oranges is that they're both nutritious tree fruits. The thing about avoidant men and women is that AvPD is terrible. Full stop. Just Say No to participating in the Oppression Olympics, y'all.

To the OP: I am female and my penchant for avoiding social situations is only very, very rarely perceived as cute - maybe only by immediate family members who are used to my BS by now. When I don't keep my avoidant BS in check, my anxiety usually makes people uncomfortable; my pessimism and self-doubt drive people away rather than prompting them to reach out. When I was a shut-in several years ago, people thought it was pathetic, not cute. If people reacted to AvPD with compassion rather than anger/confusion, I don't think there would be a need for this forum.

Having a boyfriend does not make the AvPD any easier. It's just one more person to avoid - and more guilt and shame becase you're not supposed to avoid your boyfriend.

And it does not mean that you magically will have a fairy tale ending where you live happily ever after with your husband, two-and-a-half kid, dog and volvo - just because you have a boyfriend - and just because you are a girl.

how the gender roles work now is that males pursue females. males deal with the embarrassment of not fitting in with other males and females because you're not normal if you're alone all the time. Females may have a slight handicap because they can fake more readily that they appear normal. If I could get a date every 6 months I could appear normal, i think. All my opinion, no hate gina havers.

Yes.

VenusWillendorf wrote:Having a boyfriend does not make the AvPD any easier. It's just one more person to avoid - and more guilt and shame becase you're not supposed to avoid your boyfriend.

And it does not mean that you magically will have a fairy tale ending where you live happily ever after with your husband, two-and-a-half kid, dog and volvo - just because you have a boyfriend - and just because you are a girl.

Chances are the folks that think that being given half a chance to date someone is a solution to your problems are not Avpd, just socially awkward lonely people. I wish they would not comment, they have no real understanding of it.

VenusWillendorf wrote:Having a boyfriend does not make the AvPD any easier. It's just one more person to avoid - and more guilt and shame becase you're not supposed to avoid your boyfriend.

And it does not mean that you magically will have a fairy tale ending where you live happily ever after with your husband, two-and-a-half kid, dog and volvo - just because you have a boyfriend - and just because you are a girl.

Having someone accept you and care doesnt help at all? Knowing that you actually do have some sort of worth, someone is choosing to be with you. If i could feel that for a second i would die happy. I think women with avpd take that for granted. Its far from a given for a male avpd to be able to find that.