My mind hates me...

So ya...just found this forums and thought i might as well get myself out there even if it wont make a difference(which it probably wont). Sorry if this post ends up being long...i have a bad tendency to ramble. I feel stupid posting this right now honestly, I'm in one of my...content moods where i tell myself there's nothing wrong with me so i feel like I'm almost making things up...gets...aggravating after a while. My different moods are almost like different personalities, when I'm in a not crappy mood it becomes very hard for me to remember what i felt like when I'm in a down mood and vice versa, so its a bit hard for me to really...explain things in the detail i want to right now because of that.(i tend to work better when given an outline of sorts to work with)
I do have Avoidant personality disorder, i was in counseling for a little while(falling in love with a married women AND having her understand and still stay friends for a while is NOT as good a thing as it sounds with me, not to mentioned i worked with her on an almost daily basis also), which did absolutely nothing since i already knew full well what i was like and how my train of though liked to work(not that it helps since i cant seen to change it anyway...). While in it, i got referred to a psychiatrist there who looked over all my counselors notes and asked me some questions and basically said i have it(with a hint of dependent personality disorder on top of it!) I do have trust issues, which get progressively worse the more down my mood gets along with every other negative aspect. Now i haven't been in a bad mood for a while, but that's mostly cause of the fact that i live at home with my parents, and am effectively a hermit in my own bedroom, so i don't have to deal with the outside world minus people on the internet. Generally though ever since the event with falling in love with her at work, everything about my general existence has been blah and crappy, and on top of it I'm basically an video game addict who watches a decent bit of anime who is also beginning to lose touch with reality on top of it....
Guess the main point of me coming here is partly to have people to talk to...and am trying to ignore the side telling me to not waste my time with this...like i said I'm in a content mood at the moment so my mind telling me there's nothing wrong with me and i start telling myself I'm either just making things up for sympathy or something...i don't even know anymore honestly...

Welcome to the forum.

...when I'm in a not crappy mood it becomes very hard for me to remember what i felt like when I'm in a down mood and vice versa

Yes I know exactly how that feels. Even though the same cycles repeat themselves over and over its hard to view the moods from a past point of view.

hourendous wrote:So ya...just found this forums and thought i might as well get myself out there even if it wont make a difference(which it probably wont). Sorry if this post ends up being long...i have a bad tendency to ramble. I feel stupid posting this right now honestly, I'm in one of my...content moods where i tell myself there's nothing wrong with me so i feel like I'm almost making things up...gets...aggravating after a while. My different moods are almost like different personalities, when I'm in a not crappy mood it becomes very hard for me to remember what i felt like when I'm in a down mood and vice versa, so its a bit hard for me to really...explain things in the detail i want to right now because of that.(i tend to work better when given an outline of sorts to work with)
I do have Avoidant personality disorder, i was in counseling for a little while(falling in love with a married women AND having her understand and still stay friends for a while is NOT as good a thing as it sounds with me, not to mentioned i worked with her on an almost daily basis also), which did absolutely nothing since i already knew full well what i was like and how my train of though liked to work(not that it helps since i cant seen to change it anyway...). While in it, i got referred to a psychiatrist there who looked over all my counselors notes and asked me some questions and basically said i have it(with a hint of dependent personality disorder on top of it!) I do have trust issues, which get progressively worse the more down my mood gets along with every other negative aspect. Now i haven't been in a bad mood for a while, but that's mostly cause of the fact that i live at home with my parents, and am effectively a hermit in my own bedroom, so i don't have to deal with the outside world minus people on the internet. Generally though ever since the event with falling in love with her at work, everything about my general existence has been blah and crappy, and on top of it I'm basically an video game addict who watches a decent bit of anime who is also beginning to lose touch with reality on top of it....
Guess the main point of me coming here is partly to have people to talk to...and am trying to ignore the side telling me to not waste my time with this...like i said I'm in a content mood at the moment so my mind telling me there's nothing wrong with me and i start telling myself I'm either just making things up for sympathy or something...i don't even know anymore honestly...

I love how you talk objectively about mental formations. It is something extremely rare. Just wanted to say that, for the rest, take a seat here, accommodate and get angry.

My mind hates me too, for similar reasons, and a few extra ones as well. Sometimes I want to do like Homer from the Simpsons and poke it with a pencil (take that, brain! ).

Thanks everyone. I'm pretty sure if i started poking my brain it would probably poke back though...the angry part probably wont happen though, I may have been annoyed(or very annoyed) many many times throughout life, but i can say with certainty I've never actually been angry....ever, which I'm not sure is a good or bad...lol.
In my case the moods themselves aren't as much cycles as much as triggers...if i avoid the issues they don't bother me, the wonderfully boring hermits life i live, lol/