Roommate and AVPD - big mistake?

So I am in the process of purchasing a second home. Not that I am so wealthy but I have lost so much equity in my first home, I cannot sell it. (rent it) Even though, I can afford a second one. Weird huh? I will rent it out.

So I am considering two condos. One: is big... the master bedroom could fit two queen beds and it has a second large bedroom and an extra room. For me alone, it is a little big. The other for me alone, rather perfect. But, if anyone else was with me, a bit small.

So because I am hedging about doing this at all -- financially it is a bit of a stretch... my real estate agent suggested that if I got into trouble, I could get a roommate. I immediately dismissed that. Then I went home and priced some of it, at minimum it is $700 per month for a room. That seems amazing. It would be free money. Further, it would be nice to have someone able to count on in terms of watching the home.

Of course, you need to find the right roommate but I feel if I got a service and chose carefully, I could get a good one. And in the end, since it is my house, if I didn't like them, they would have to leave... not me.

So have any AVPDs had roommates? Did you find good ones? Did they bother you? Was it a big imposition on your life? Do you think it would be a positive thing for someone with AVPD? Push me out of my comfort zone thing?

Never had a roommate before, but I'd say go ahead. Even if it doesn't work out, at least you did something a bit out of the ordinary. Who knows, it could be beneficial long term.

SaraShaw wrote:So have any AVPDs had roommates? Did you find good ones? Did they bother you? Was it a big imposition on your life? Do you think it would be a positive thing for someone with AVPD? Push me out of my comfort zone thing?

I had roommates in college but didn't interact much with them. We didn't mind each other. They did their thing, and I did mind. Once in a while we would get together and watch TV. (Melrose Place aka "the show".) I got along okay with one of them, the rest of them it was just neutral. I won't say it was either positive or negative overall.

i think an avoidant, even one trying to expand their horizons, needs a safe place. a place they can go to be alone and recuperate.

i've lived with roommates whose presence did not interfere with my sanctuary and roommates whose presence did. life was intolerable when even my home didn't feel safe.

for me, the question would come down to your willingness to handle confrontation. if the person moves in are you too meek to confront them about leaving, or changing their behavior, if it's not working out (depending on how you arrange things)? or can you go to them and ask them to leave if their presence is ruining your life?

Knute wrote: for me, the question would come down to your willingness to handle confrontation. if the person moves in are you too meek to confront them about leaving, or changing their behavior, if it's not working out (depending on how you arrange things)? or can you go to them and ask them to leave if their presence is ruining your life?

Wise words. That is the worry. I currently have an errand girl I don't particularly need anymore that she is likely getting paid because I am too soft to let her go (hoping to use the moving excuse to be able to lay her off). Of course, if you just had a lease or something it would be up to me to agree to renew it and I could just not renew it. Say I am considering moving but not move.

Slighlty off topic but make sure you know the laws relating to landlords and tenants in your area.

Where I live a fair few of the laws favour tenants over landlords and renting can be a bit of a hassle if you get a bad roommate or tenant.

tlepS drawkcaB wrote:Slighlty off topic but make sure you know the laws relating to landlords and tenants in your area.

Absolutely. I am actually a lawyer and I hope that if that is known any troublemakers will look elsewhere. But of course, both condos got snapped up yesterday before I even had a chance. I think the real estate market is going crazy where I am. I hope it is only pent up demand... still looking.

I don't like having roommates.

If I always had my choice, I would live alone.

I NEED my own personal space and time alone. That lets me unwind from my day without anyone interferring, having to worry about what I look like, how my presence is affecting another person. I have to stop the act sometime.

Sure, you could survive, maybe at times enjoy having a roommate. I think that depends on what your level of tolerance and comfortability with others is. There will problems (who is using all my toilet paper?, a scratch on my new non-stick pan?). You won't have to just interact with your roommate, but your roommate's friends too. Think about that. Random people in your home. That was a dealbreaker for me.

Too bad you can't try it out before you buy.

van4ssa wrote:You won't have to just interact with your roommate, but your roommate's friends too. Think about that. Random people in your home. That was a dealbreaker for me.

It is a concern. At this point every single home I have offered on has not worked out. People have beaten me. Wow, in my area real estate is flying off the market. However, I am still considering it. But you know.. you will laugh, I swear I got this idea from the "big bang theory" and my real estate agent. If Sheldon can do it, I surely should be able to.