concert on sat... what do i do?!?!

hi everyone!

I just joined this site because i think i've avoident personality disorder. i'm going to a psychologist but she doesn't tell me what's wrong with me. i get really scared and shaky whenever i'm talking to people and never know what to say!

anyway i've kind of a problem at the mo. i've been invited to this concert thing called blast this saturday (sorry if i sound arrogant i don't mean to!!) but i'm not sure if i'll be able to go through with it!

I'll kno loads of the people there from school but i haven't socialised outside school for ages! and plus its far away so i can't just leave.

does anyonw have any advice for how to survive it??? or should i even go because i'm so scared now and if it all goes wrong i might go off people for life... ?

please help!!! thanks

Hey, I live just down the road from you in Naas.


In the past, whenever I was fearful about a social occasion and I ended up going to it I had a 'blast'. (Excuse the pun! ) So my advice to you is to go, so long as the people you are going to it with are genuine friends.

i agree, go along to it n see what happens. if you feel like you're not getting on well with the people, there's gotta be a corner you can sit in and glare at anyone who comes within a 10mile radius

Don't believe that you know whats going to happen before you even get there. We APD's can't see the future (even if it seems we can sometimes). Go and have some fun!

let us know what you decide and how it goes won't ya?

Is there anyone at all you know that you would feel comfortable going with? Even if it is not a best friend, if it is just someone to bring with you it can be a helpful support. It helps if that person is a little more outgoing with you, because they take a little attention of you and you will feel less pressure to have to talk or be the center of attention. I don't know if this makes any sense, but I find it's very affective. IThere is someone I would normally never spend time with ('cause I don't spend time with anyone, usually), but when there is a social event, we go together and she loves to be the life of the party, so the focus is off me - then I feel more comfortable participating in conversation or whatever. Such a person can also help or lessen the pressure of other "challenges" you may find going out - like navigating your way through a crowd or driving in traffic or whatever your little adventure might entail.

You always have the option of not going - and avoidants use it often - but if you think there is going to be a chance you might enjoy yourself, every once in a while it is worth taking a risk. We, more than anybody, need the reinforcement of a positive social experiences. Sometimes I tell myself in advance that it's going to be terrible, so I have no expectations - then it turns out to be not half bad.

I am a BIG music lover... and as musch as I hate going out in public, especially in any kind of a crowd... I CANNOT live without live music. Acquaintances with me help to mitigate the anxiety of going to a concert - I feel safer with them, because I know they're good at doing what I'm not! Plus I try to lose myself in something else (like the experience of music) so I can tune out the crowd around me as much as possible!

I ended up not going!!

I just cried out at the last minute cuz I couldn't face it! I just ended up walking around on my own all night...

Thanks for all the replies, though. It's really a relief to know there are people who actually understand not wanting to be around people 24/7.

Adna, that makes sense! Thanls for the advice. It's just that the problem is less with the crowd, which I don't mind, and more with the people I'm with. I can't relax around anyone! I love music too, especially listened to safely at home on my own!

Thanks for answering, everyone!

Bluebelle,

Don't beat yourself up for not being able to go. The way I see it you weren't ready to go this time. There will always be other concerts and you'll be ready for some of them.

Adna is right about these type of things being easier with someone else there for support.

Heed seanetal's advice right there. Essentially what happened wasn't as bad as you might be making it out to be. There have been many times in the past (I'm 22 now) where I was supposed to go out in Naas or Dublin but ended up walking around on my own, being with my thoughts. So, you aren't alone, and we do understand what you are going through.


It isn't a bad thing.

*hug*

Yes, I wouldn't feel bad about it - it may take lots of "trying"! And there will always be lots of times you don't end up going out. The point is to try to build up the skills gradually so that it will start being a little easier when you DO want to go out. It won't happen overnight, so don't worry about it, just keep working on it!