I feel doomed

I keep forgetting to add my handle to these posts.

Also, I see now that, in that picture, one of my eyes is getting the full brunt of the glare from the flash. I'm only explaining this so that nobody thinks I have one real eye and one made of glass.

I enjoy your posts very much and it is lovely to see your photo. In my mind you shouldn't have ANYTHING to worry about. I cannot understand why you don't have all sorts of women interested in you. You seem to have everything going for you. You are good looking, intelligent, well educated, amusing, and interesting, and you have a cute cat too ! (You told me about the cat) Snuffy? I had a wonderful cat once. His name was "Kool" I sort of inherited him when I moved into a house. The previous owners were moving to Thailand and were leaving him behind. He was magnificent, big and really cuddly. He was absolutely *Kool*

I know what you mean about becoming dependent on the Internet and not bothering to be involved in the real world. It's good to be aware of that. I heard of a woman who only goes out to buy food and never does any housework because she spends all her time online and in chatrooms. Her apartment is a sty apparently. She has met many men online and has had online relationships and has even had face to face meetings. Of course that usually ends everything and then she gets busy online again and finds another one. She never seems to get it, or if she does then she is addicted to the fantasies and it has become her way of life.
I recently read a book called "Codependency Conspiracy" by Dr. Stan J. Katz and Aimee E Liu. It makes an awful lot of sense. The authors claim that self responsibility and accountability are usually all that is required to get our lives in order and to be happy. It sounds so simple.

It's good that the ECT treatment has been modified. My maternal grandmother underwent that treatment way back in the 1930's or 1940's. I don't think it was the same as it is now. She ultimately died of an overdose of sleeping pills years later. The family claimed it was an accidental overdose and it may have been, but who knows...
It happened in England years after my mother and I had emigrated to Canada, so we weren't there.
Have you definitely made up your mind to have the ECT ?
Could you try an experiment first ? Maybe you have done this already, but if not you could give it a try. Who knows it might just work ! What you do is *Pretend to be happy for one hour* then if it feels good do it again. I know, I know it sounds dumb.... you need to just turn off the judgement and give it a try. It might be easier to try if you are out and about and in the sunshine. What would you do if you were happy? What would it feel like to be happy? Think about it...actors pretend all kinds of feelings so it can be accomplished and you might eventually believe yourself. I think it is called *acting as if*.You would have to really let go and allow yourself to feel totally in love with life. Can you remember a time when you were a child, maybe at Christmas, or another special time when you were excited with anticipation, well that's the type of feeling that I am talking about. Aside from a chemical imbalance the mind is quite changeable...fool yourself a bit. Please don't be offended at this suggestion. I just think it might be worth a try. I am NOT trying to minimize your troubles.
All the best with your *Lunch date* tomorrow !

wndwswllbreak:
YOU'RE SMOKIN' HOT!
I'm not just saying that. You've got it in the looks department for sure. I can imagine now that people might confuse your shyness for arrogance. Cute guys are sometimes that way, so girls might back off. You have soulful eyes, but try a smile once in a while. It can make you infintely more approachable to the chicas. And they will approach you if you put yourself in the right position. Go out to a bar or club with a guy pal and you'll get hit on, believe me (almost any time a girl talks to a stranger in a bar, she's hitting on him in case you're mistaking it for just talking).

I LOVE San Antonio, by the way. Been there a couple of times. The missions are amazing and the city has a rich history.

Anyway, I think it's sad and wasteful to live in silent solitude when you have so much to offer. You are all the things 2B said and more. I am not trying to be rude--I've been depressed before and have a small idea of how you're feeling. I just hope that you can overcome or learn to live with your problem. Best of luck to you.

By the way, I can PROMISE you that chicks are checking you out when you're not looking. Glance around when you're out in public--you'll see.

Chickadee...I agree 100% !!!! When I saw his photo I wished that I was much, much younger and wealthy then I would scoop him up. I guess he's too old to adopt ???? Darn..some people just don't know what to do with what they've got

wndwswllbreak
Sorry to talk about you like this I sure wish that I could just give you a great big huge HUG ! The right woman for you is out there so just be patient, but for heavens sake, don't hide away in the dark. Easy does it with who you connect with too...

Thank you, ladies. You can't imagine (well, maybe you can) how much hearing things like that mean.

Um, I think my biggest insecurity comes from my...well...frail, scrawny physique. Also, I have scars everywhere. Also, don't know if I mentioned this, but you wouldn't be saying those oh-so-appreciated compliments if you'd seen me in high school...I had to have one of those break-the-jaw-then-reset-it-and-you-can't-eat-solid-foods-for-six-weeks-type surgeries because of a bad underbite. It wasn't done for cosmetic reasons, but because my front teeth bit right down on top of one another, while, in the back of my mouth, my molars didn't touch at all. I would have been wearing dentures by 40 from the constant erosion caused by them clacking together with every bite (funny: all my life, I thought that's how everybody's teeth were). Anyway, while they were inside of me, they implanted in there some dead person's cheekbones (so far, there have been no instances of me being possessed by the restless spirit of the cheekbone donator, whoever he is...actually, I think the doctor mentioned the surname "Dahmer," but it doesn't ring a bell, so...) Anyway, my point is this: I was considered ugly all throughout h.s., could never get anybody's attention, was knocked around a bit (one time given a concussion), blah blah, etc. No matter what the reality of the situation might be today, I obviously internalized all of that. Sometimes, I'd get the helpful, motherly assurance of "You are NOT [disparaging adjective]! They're just jealous of [some supposed good trait of mine]!" But that's not quite right. Some people _are_ unattractive physically. The only thing that changes once we all get older is that most of us learn to keep thoughts like that to ourselves, whereas in HS, insults--accurate or otherwise--are weapons, plain and simple; and let me tell you, unless you're BMOC, high school can be something like a war. And in the case of particularly troubled teens like Columbine's Kliebold and...uh...the other guy, it's an analogy turned into something literal. You can bet that I followed that case very, very closely. The only difference between them and myself is that my moral system required certain violent fantasies of power like that remain just fantasies. But I understood the motive.

(A [paraphrased] quote from The Simpsons always makes me laugh: Marge sets up for Bart a "play-date" with his lonely, socially retarded classmate, Ralph; Bart protests, saying something like, "Mom, school has changed a lot since you were a kid. Popularity is very important today....The social order of elementary school is densely layered. The coolest kids are at the top...", to which a completely earnest, completely oblivious Marge jumps in and asks, "Oh, you mean like the A-students?" Hilarious. Bart just stares, exasperated. Anyway, it's funny because it's true, both the "densely layered" description and Marge's generation's misconceptions of what people in the world today value. Her intentions are good, though, and that's why we love her [and our own parents, too, I guess])

When I got to college--said jaw surgery almost a year behind me-- I ran into a few people with whom I'd gone to h.s.. We exchanged meaningless #######4 banter, etc. Later, I found out that one of those people, this girl named Angie, commented to another former peer of mine, "Wow. Joe actually looks half-decent." So, see, I wasn't paranoid; I mean, this is what people really thought back then. I bet that, if I, too, had five years to do so, I could brainwash you into thinking something obstensibly ridiculous, like, I don't know, your husband or family members hate you and are talking about you behind your back or something, etc. If something is repeated with enough consistency by enough people over time, it can get stuck inside of your head like a piece of shrapnel, or a popcorn kernal your tongue can't find.

Nothing breaks my heart harder than seeing pictures of burn victims, especially if they weren't able to find someone prior to the damage done. A good husband/wife/significant other will stay because he/she loves you regardless. Otherwise, good luck finding someone with the patience.

Anyway....yes, thank you. Kindness and support from others pushes me forward and expands the borders of my comfort-zone. It doesn't take much of that sort of thing to please me.

Anonymous wrote:I had to have one of those break-the-jaw-then-reset-it-and-you-can't-eat-solid-foods-for-six-weeks-type surgeries because of a bad underbite. It wasn't done for cosmetic reasons, but because my front teeth bit right down on top of one another, while, in the back of my mouth, my molars didn't touch at all. I would have been wearing dentures by 40 from the constant erosion caused by them clacking together with every bite

what, corrective braces wouldn't have worked? my brother had the same case as you described and all he had to do was wear braces and that headgear, you know.

Braces for years until I stopped growing, then the surgery.

Braces can change the angles that the teeth are positioned within the gums, but can't cause one's jaws to actually move forward or backward as needed. That sort of thing requires the bone to be sawed apart and shifted. If it were minor enough, I suppose braces might be enough to prevent the top and bottom front teeth from hitting (maybe the ones on the bottom would just have to be pulled back a bit), but braces alone couldn't close the gap between my back molars, nor change the fact that my jaw leaned more to one side than the other.

Keep in mind: I'm no orthodontist. I'm only tossing out (marginally) intelligent guesses here.

interesting...and the cheekbones were used to correct your jaw?

2B wrote:[size=12]Sorry, I have no idea how that must feel and most likely I had no right posting anything at all. I am a different personality obviously and although I came to these Forums because I wasn't feeling good about my own mental health, I realize now after reading posts here and the replies that I have received, that I am way out of my league. Maybe I don't have any problems afterall and should just go with the flow until my feelings pass.

2B, don't think your contributions to these forums are useless. you sound like someone who is kind and considering what you have been through i'm sure you can be of support to somebody.

Nadine...thanks for the comment. I really try to stay away from Forums because I have a hard time trying not to *FIX* people's troubles for them. It really isn't my business and what do I know anyway, but still I go on and on. Maybe I should have been a mother or something I obviously slipped up and let my mouth (fingers) take over here. Ah well..... tomorrow's another day

Now wndwswllbreak just so you know I am not going to carry on dishing out my opinions and advice to you because as I mentioned above it is a bad habit of mine and you never asked for it anyway but...one last little bit of rubbish and then I am out of here... (Cliches R' Me) actually my specialty
I too was mistreated in school. I grew up with a serious underbite and when I was a little kid there was a commercial for a toothpaste (now I am really giving away my age) and the mascot was a beaver. It was Ipana Toothpaste. I think it has become something else now, anyway the Beaver was named "Bucky Beaver" and kids being the rotten little meanspirited creatures that they often are, probably because their parents help them along that road, I was taunted constantly with the usual name calling that was common.They also beat me up. Anywhere I went to and from school and in the playground etc. it was " Bucky, bucky BEAVER" I have never forgotten it and I was not ever able to afford to have my teeth corrected sufficiently. I too was supposed to have the jaw-broken-and-reset operation, but my family and later on I couldn't afford to cover the costs. When I was 36 years old I had braces on my upper and lower teeth and it helped a bit, but within one year the teeth had reverted to the old positions. You were very fortunate to have had the correction even though it must have been painful. When I was a kid and as a young adult people didn't have dental plans and Canada didn't have medicare back then. I still cringe when I realize that people are noticing my teeth and surprisingly there are adults who still make comments occasionally, usually men who have unsuccessfully tried to hit on me, and it still brings me down, but I can't let that control my life.
I know and understand how awful and devastating these events are on the human mind, and there is plenty more that I could tell you about, but this is not a contest to see who had it worse, enough said. What I want to explain to you is , Life IS tough.... but YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIFE NOW... and only YOU can make up your mind to get over your past. Sorry but with everything that you appear to have going for you, in my opinion you really could do better for yourself. You seem to WANT to be miserable. Maybe you are working on it and all this is part of the healing process ??? Never mind the socializing problems of schools and the cruelty of life as a kid, you have opportunities and privleges NOW. What you make of them is what matters.....
I'll get off my SOAPBOX pretty soon I promise, but these days too many of us are hung up on the awful stuff that happened which is horrible of course, but cannot be changed and so why let it ruin the rest of your life.
We are ALL wounded at times, but we do have choices and to choose to bemoan the past as if it still sits in your mind like a venus fly trap, is a huge mistake. I would imagine that therapy might help. You give the impression of someone who is very angry, but it is hard to tell with writing in cyberspace.
YOU are only DOOMED by your own choices. Sorry to flame you this way, but for a young guy like yourself with your entire life ahead of you it needs to be said. I think though that others may have already told you this huh ? Be well and take care, Sincerely 2B

wndwswllbreak:
Again, you're a total hottie.
My best friend is a gorgeous girl--the type that tounge-ties men of all ages, and she went through a very bad ugly duckling period. Until she was a senior in high school, the boys picked on her in spiteful ways while the girls all hated her and taunted her. Even the girls who were supposed to be her friends tricked her into looking foolish and did really hurtful things to her. She was utterly alone.
Her senior year of high school, she got crowned homecoming queen AND prom queen. She'd grown into her gangly limbs, gotten her braces off, got contacts, and learned to dress/do her makeup/do her hair. The girls were still mean to her (for jealousy, by that time), but the guys were nice to her for the most part and her teammates (she was quite athletic) supported her.
As a result, she is not only strikingly beautiful, she is kind due to her early torment. She is smart because she studied when she had no friends, and she is funny because that was the only way she could make people like her. She is very soft-hearted and will stand up for anyone who gets picked on. She is the perfect example of what you can do when you BUILD on your painful past instead of trying to ignore or erase the bad memories.
You have potential you've not even begun to tap. It pains me to know that someone like you is wasting his potential not realizing he's "the perfect catch" while my sociopathic ex-boyfriend coasts through life leaving a path of destruction in his wake. The women of the world deserve more guys like you to get out there.
By the way, some women prefer thin, lanky types. And no matter how you get them, scars are cool--they are the outward evidence of your courage and strength. Wear them like badges of honor, and that is how other people will see them.