How do you push people away?

How do you push people away from you when you feel they are getting too close?

If you actually like him/her and you tell them that you consider them a friend, do you then just put zero effort into the friendship, until your "friend" finally goes away, out of your life?

If your friend stays because he/she believes that you may eventually let them in, what then, do you resort to being mean to them so that they finally have no choice but to leave you alone?

I would say generally its been the no effort until we eventually just kind of grow apart naturally. But ive only had maybe 3-4 friends so its not a huge sample. But i usually find an excuse to just stop hanging out with them.

Well for one I don't really tell someone that I consider them a friend, to be frank that seems weird for me. But once I realize someone is a friend I don't give up or anything, in fact I usually will get together with them and do light stuff. (going over, watching TV or playing video games)

But I think after a while, as being a friendship is a continuos thing and you need to get together with them at least somewhat decently often is when I accidentally resist and push away. Sometimes it's someone asking if they can come over and watch sports that night and part of me thinks having a friend over would be good, better than simply doing nothing. But then another part thinks well I could watch the new episode of my 2nd favorite show and work on a website, listen to music, etc.

I'm in the middle of this now and despite being completely aware of my issues and the current situation I'm going to be slowly pushing away by saying I can't get together (either cause of perceived better options like a few examples above or just plain lying). The fact that I will also never be the one to ask a friend to do something probably doesn't help produce a decent friendship. It's extremely frustrating.

well, I never push people away because people never get close but,

Formeravoidant wrote:If your friend stays because he/she believes that you may eventually let them in, what then, do you resort to being mean to them so that they finally have no choice but to leave you alone?

please do anything BUT this!!!

I can't tell you how many relationships I've broken off, just suddenly cutting people off. Usually there would be no big scene but sometimes yes.

I'd just quit returning their calls or email or whatever. And so many, I never had a good reason.
Looking at it in the cold light of day, they were always small problems. I say this with no great pride. Some I've been able to go back to later and explained a little of how screwed up I am in some ways.

One in particular, I manufactured a big fight because he planned to come stay with me and I started feeling all hemmed in. This was a former boss of mine and we had been longtime friends. I called him out of the blue about 20 years later and apologized. During our conversation, he sounded puzzled at some of the things I told him in trying to explain but I felt things were okay between us when I hung up. In fact, he even tried to help me get a job after that.

I'm glad I did because he died of lung cancer a couple of years later and I would feel pretty bad if I hadn't taken the chance to straighten things out with him. At least as much as I could.

Not talking to them more than 3 or 4 times a year usually does the trick.

Formeravoidant wrote:How do you push people away from you when you feel they are getting too close?

I find it's best to use both hands when pushing people away. If you use just one hand, they are off able to just rotate a bit and sidestep it.

By not taking part any optional (leisure) activities if I get invitation. I'm quite friendly (considering my current state) and let people pretty close.I could have made lots of friends...

Works too well.

I wouldn't say it is necessarily the act of pushing people away, but rather the lack of response towards normal friendship development advances.

I can't speak for everyone, but my inability to make myself vulnerable has contributed to my poor social standing. To become friends with someone, most of the time you need both parties to show vulnerability sometimes. Only rarely will you find someone who is willing to do all the work. Normally, someone has to be the first to ask the other to do something, etc.